Loony Souls and Psychotic Reapers
by echosdusk
Summary: A tale of OCs & mature humour! Kara's burst into Hueco Mundo and unfortunatley is not about to have a good time of it. Chapter 12 is coming soon, be ready for some serious Aizen bashing and Grimmy taunting. Not to mention an unfortunate reunion...
1. Chapter 1

**Loony Souls and Psychotic Reapers**

**Chapter One: Of Mites and Magic**

_Authors' Note: This is just a crazy random story linked to the odd dreams we have, how Bleach has affected our lives at university, and all of that crazy nonsense linked with it! We are not fond of Aizen or Gin, but we knew for a fact that our load of luck would get us sent into those squads. There are a lot of mature jokes in this, hence its mature, a lot of crazy hate and random happenings because we're completely insane, and basically it's our view of what we reckon would happen if we died and ended up in the Soul Society before the big rebellion and afterwards… Plus why we think Momo and Rukia SUCK! _

_Now to the Story… _

"Well, at least they went out with a bang." The detective chuckled gently to the camera crew as he kicked at the charred remains and occasional splattered limbs of the two strange foreign scientists that had taken over a lab on the outskirts of Tokyo, Japan. There had been a massive explosion, but no one really cared because apparently the occupants had been planning to create a super efficient killer virus to take over humanity with. The fewer psychos around the better, right?

"OH GOD! We're dead and they're making stupid jokes at our expense! I hope my virus gets you! Go Psychotic Mange Mites! KILL!" One of the scientists was screeching from behind the detective, jumping up and down with frustration. Unlike their corpses, the two ghosts were quite whole and very annoyed. The one yelling was the real lunatic; a British Scientist with random pieces of every European country thrown into the bloodline and a reputation as a dictator amongst the science community. This was Kara Thalion, name changed legally for reasons of an illegal nature. Kara was tall and very pallid looking with dyed purple hair and sunken in grey eyes that were surrounded in a layer of shadow caused by paranoia and caffeine addiction. Kara was not a small woman, in fact she was not the ideal looking scientist or lunatic, and her sweet smile meant no one had ever taken her seriously! This had been her big chance to take over, and she'd blown it! Or rather she'd blown up!

"What's this… Some of their parasite subjects did live. They're kind of cute little bugs aren't they? Look it's crawling onto my hand… And now its burying into my skin and it's hit my veins… AGGGH!" The reporter and the detective began to itch like mad as they had knocked the rubble away to find the little burrowing creatures alive and listening in. They were mange mites taken from dogs that Kara and her assistant and number two person, Kira, had taken in from the streets and raised. The dogs had died a year before when protestors had set them free and the two animals had run into a train station at the rush hour in confusion. They were eating away the hair and then the skin of their victims, and the ghosts were appearing and staring in horror at the two scientists ghosts. Kara was taken for a moment in thought; could mites see and hear the dead?

"HA! You're dead and my plague is still wreaking havoc! Told you all to believe me when I said I was a freaking psychopath! Come here Mr Jokey!" Kara had suddenly spotted the bad joke-maker and had leapt onto him, punching him several times in the face and being assisted by her other dead mites that were assisting in chasing away the other souls. In the meantime the world around them began to make blurred sounds as life moved on and they remained dead. This was noticed by Kira, who had spotted her surviving play station games being picked up and stolen by some evil little Japanese children that probably were much further ahead in gaming then she was!

"It's all your fault we're dead! I hate you Kara! I hate you and you stupid legally changed name and Psychotic Mange! You're a stupid loon who should never have escaped the Norwegian Mental Asylum two years ago! Why did I ever help you?" Kira wailed in sorrow as she tried to run after the children but found she was held in place by the simple fact her bit of chain remaining had linked onto Kara's. This meant she was being jerked from side to side a little too much, and it was actually hurting. Kira was no exactly a tall or heavy woman, she was just over five foot, had a reasonable pair of boobs and an average set of buttocks, but that had never really helped her out when dealing with Kara. Kira Megani had brown hair with red and white highlights and her hair was long and wavy, something that had attracted a very handsome young store clerk recently, and now she was even more pissed off with Kara after remembering the date she was supposed to have that night!

"Hey, you know what Kira? You may hate me and all, but the Psychotic mange was your idea. You know that it's been in my mind for six years! But shame we both died in our mid-twenties, but hey, we're ghosts now so we can't die again! That and the cure were destroyed in the explosion and the plague will kill everyone! He-he-he! I'm slightly amused, but more concerned with this odd bit of chain hanging from my chest. That and fighting the strange urge I have to sing things like 'Just Keep Swimming' and 'Always Look on the Bright Side of Life'. I think death has freed my mind of restraint! WAHOO!" Kara began ranting and running in circles in delight. She leant down to the ghost of one of her mites that had died trying to secure its host, and it gave a little squeaking sound of delight and wagged its little proboscis in happiness to see its 'mother'.

"I still hate you! All you've ever done to me is ruining my life! Why did I befriend you? Why did I accept your highly over-worked but extremely overpaid assistance job? Why did I give you the idea for the mites? I hate you! I hate you! I could have finally lost my Virginity tonight, but NO! You had to go and kill me! DAMN YOU KARA! I'd call you by your real name but then the universe would IMPLODE! Oh wait, no need, we're dead Miss Hyacinth Grahams!" Kira started to screech as well and jump and down in her great knee-high black boots with its button and ribbon joining. The heels were making dips in the ground, and as she bounced forward a bit, the chain untangled and fell to the ground and some random human walking past tripped over one of the holes and was swarmed by the mites. The little parasites were changing colours with excitement, and the dead one in Kara's hand was twiddling its antennae toward Kira in sorrow.

Kara's face seemed to do an impression of a goldfish as she paused to look at her companion. Around her ghostly form the mites were mobbing to await more orders of chaos and destruction, and Kara picked up one of the big ones and placed it over to Kira. Her sunken face looked a little odd, if only because she was very upset about her corny British name being yelled out. It wasn't her fault really; Kira had been the one to put the serum in the fish tank and to have asked for it for her date whilst Kara had been fondling the electric eels to regenerate the circuit board. Really the whole thing was Kira's fault, but the mites even seemed to sense that this argument would fail, and so Kara simply dropped one of the mites gently onto her friend's shoulder. This mite flushed a purple and then a vivid scarlet as it made a gurgling purr sound and rubbed it's proboscis to Kira's cheek in comfort.

"I hate your stinking mites! I hate those fooking kids that stole my games! I hate being dead! But the mites are making cute faces… I don't hate them… too much… Damn you Kara! I'm not talking to you anymore at all!" Kira growled bitterly as she folded her arms and turned her back on evil scientist, who had made her a trillionaire within three years of knowing her. It was not as if that mattered now anyway, she was dead and so the money would be divided between her surviving relatives and the various charities she supported. It was not as if they were both incredibly evil, just bitter young women who still wanted to kill their behaviour lecturer. But she could not help but tickle the little mite under his great fangs and mandibles to what she thought was his chin, so the purring increased again.

"How about I send them out to kill those children? But hey, there could be advantages to being dead! As I said, we can't die again!" Kara grinned mischievously, pressing close and perching her head on Kira's shoulder. But Kira turned around and punched her face so Kara leapt back, rubbing her delicate little nose. The mites made lecturing sounds, but then swarmed around the fleeing children and ate them into little shreds. When the ghosts appeared, bawling in front of Kara and Kira, the second scientist went berserk and started to kick the living daylights, or rather dead daylights, out of the runty brat-children.

"AGH! It's Godzilla! RUN! Agh! Hey he ate that postman's soul!" The screams came from the crowd of spirits that all began to flee though some where suddenly being picked up and eaten. Kira froze in terror when she spotted the great green lizard thing approaching them with a white mask over its great tyrannical muzzle. She let the kids run away from under her feet and stare blankly. It looked like Kara was about to be corrected once again, but Kara simply assumed it was just her mites forming swarm-cloud shapes.

"What? Godzilla's not real…." Kara snorted her back to the situation. But when the great monster leant forward and let out a typical Godzilla roar behind the scientists, which sent a smelly airwave over them, Kara froze in thought. Being new to the world of death, neither understood what a Hollow was, or that they were attracted to high concentrations of spiritual energy caused either by unregistered soul reapers or by vast gatherings of concentrated spirits. Now that Kara had turned, she was able to note quite calmly; "Okay, I stand corrected…"

"What shall we do boss? Run or what?" Kira shrieked in horror as the souls of the children were picked up and swallowed screaming, though she had to hide back a few chuckles. The mites tried to swarm the monster, but were flicked aside by a massive tail and Kira and Kara both shrieked at the mistreatment of their creations. On the real part of the world however, the public were running to escape the swarm but musing at its amazing aerodynamic acrobatics and grimacing over what seemed a big joke of forming the shape of Godzilla for a few moments.

"I thought you said you weren't talking to me?" Kara snorted angrily at her companion and she folded her arms and turned away. Suddenly the threat of being eaten by a once-fictional creation did not seem as upsetting as being ignored by her closest friend… at least the closest friend that she had not created, made-up, was a pet, or thought she was too insane to stand near.

"I'm not; you're just imagining this… Now what do we do?" Kira growled, folding her own arms and turning away as the mite on her shoulder slapped its own head. But when it looked as though they were going to be stepped on by a Hollow Godzilla's wart infested foot, both of tem automatically did a surprising move. Since university the pair had noted how in each others company they had grown in athleticism and diving out of the way of student-hungry cars had giving them a keen sense of timing and reactivity. They dove aside and rolled to position themselves on one leg and down on one knee, and arms outstretched like a cat about to pounce. They darted suddenly away from a swinging tail and hopped under the legs of the hollow and behind some rubble to regroup whilst the mites tried to distract them again.

"Ah, can't be too hard to kill, it's got a skull of solidified calcium so that means we should just have to crack it and the structure will fail." Kara mused happily as they slumped against the slab of concrete. Both of them had not noticed how they were out of breath, when they were dead, let alone that they felt tired and a little hungry. Normally they only felt hungry when the caffeine or Relentless ran out, but the fact that they were dead seemed to let their brains cut off most hungry or tired signals. Though Kara made sense in her own scientific way, the adrenalin had hit Kira and she was suddenly confused.

"English please?" Kira barked as the tail of the monster split them up. They darted aside and ran around, the mites trying again to cause a third distraction and confuse the beast even more.

"Hit it in the head." Kara screeched with annoyance as she was forced to run with a shriek as big lizard teeth aimed at her back. The hollow began to follow her as she ran in circles, the hollow getting a little dizzy so that it tripped and Kara lunged into a pile of rubble attempting to find something to bash it around the head with. Beside her the mites were fighting the beast as it remained startled on the ground groaning.

"Okay. Oh, and by the way Kara; DAMN YOU! Oh and good work so far Binky!" Kira called out to the mites as she too looked around for a lead pipe. To some luck she found a copper pipe instead and began to run at the head of the hollow. With a few hard whacks to its temple she tried her hardest to make the head split whilst the hollow groaned in confusion.

"You called my head mite Binky? And I thought my name was corny!" Kara snorted as she emerged from the rubble with her precious tool! A few years ago Kara had been forced to change her name after an incident when she had murdered a dorm filled with piggish rich white men from a country that no longer existed. She had killed them all with a chainsaw she'd saved up to get and even bought licensing so it was all legal. Her insanity plea had saved her from prison, though she had terrified the mass murderers in her overnight cells with stories of how she'd almost had her intestines pulled out by a Dogo Argentino. So, pulling out the still blood covered and slightly rusted device from the ground, surprised it was still working and glowing a little blue and red in colouring, she ran at the hollow.

Kira leapt to her side, confused how she'd been able to leap so high into the air and land carefully next to Kara. Kira had also noticed the copper pipe was still in her hand and glowing a sort of grey and red colour, and that both of their freaky chains had disappeared. She turned to look at Kara and Kara turned to look at Kira. With a nod they leapt forward and in a moment of sheer delight and thrilling excitement, they crashed the chainsaw and pipe into the head of Godzilla and its head split. Suddenly the resounding and mechanical sound of the Final Fantasy Victory Tune rumbled from Kira's hip-pocket, making her squeak in delight and then squeal as the corpse disappeared and she realised her phone was still working.

"Well my fellow Monkey Slaughterer! It seems the ironic message tone of your mobile has inspired us once again to drink Relentless and booze over our grand victory! We have killed Godzilla successfully and hopefully unlike in the movies he will neither return to fight a skulled King Kong or be reconstituted into a more advanced and modern version of himself!" Kara sighed gently and then fainted onto the ground. The mites seemed to swarm away to live their own lives and continue decimating the population of Japan. Kira stared blankly at her phone, confused how there were neither signals on it, or any sign of a recent text. She blinked a few times before kicking Kara up, yelling at her, and they were about to argue when there was the sound of clapping. Their heads were pressed together in argument and slowly turned toward the audience.

"Dazzling! Impressive! Couldn't have expected recently deceased souls to have reaper powers so quickly. Especially considering that's the first time I've ever seen a chainsaw and a copper pipe give off the same pressure as Zanpaku-to!" The voice was the kind of a grown man that was never really impressed by anything because he was bored, but was trying to make himself sound enthusiastic. The man was clapping his hands together whilst a group of black robe wearing people stared with horrified expressions behind him. However, the reaction this man, a strange bloke with long curling brown hair, a scruffy beard, and a great pink flowery overcoat-robe-thing, received made him stare in confusion.

"Gesundheit!" Kara snorted at the mention of a strange Japanese word she did not understand. Generally she would say that if she did not understand and they would get the hint she was a foreigner and try to explain things in English. However this group did not seem to understand what she just said and Kara found herself wondering if these were some kind of localised soul police or something similar. She could not imagine such a thing, unless the idea of purgatory was not indeed a made up notion in the 14th Century and that her own religion had been right all along…

"Ummm… I take it you don't know anything about where you are or why you're here? I take it you're also not from Japan… I was… I was just referring to your weapons." The man quickly muttered, stepping closer, and wearing some strange kind of hat like the top of an umbrella made of bamboo or something wood-like. His approach still kept Kara staring blankly like a fish, whilst he inched a bit too close to Kira and looked at her with a charming grin, holding onto her hand. Kira though looked to Kara with a look of complete horror.

"Is… Is… Is he coming onto me, Kara?" Kira asked nervously and the man seemed to freeze for a moment, his spine shuddering as if he could see the outraged looks on his followers, especially from one female in a pair of glasses. Either way they were soon partially relived and horrified when Kara responded the way she always did when Kira was nervous of men, lifted a leg and kicked upward and hard into the face of the stranger until she spotted blood on the end of her tan coloured steel-toe-capped boots. That done the watchers inched a little closer, waving their hands and trying to make gestures that they were not there to hurt the pair of loony women.

"He was just trying to be friendly that was all! We're not a threat to you both, we're friends. I understand you're not from around here, but we're called Soul Reapers. We're supposed to take souls to the other world, which we call the Soul Society. We're unique because we can use something called spiritual pressure to form weapons and strengths in defeating and purifying the thing you guys just took out, which is called a Hollow. Hollows are souls that haven't been crossed over but were consumed by bad emotions and eat other souls. When we kill them, they actually go to the Soul Society, unless they're really bad in which case they go to hell. The Zanpaku-to is your weapon, usually a sword, which is used to defeat them. This making any sense?" One of the young men volunteered. He stepped forward with a stunning amount of platinum blonde hair, dazzling blue eyes, and a charisma so vivid it almost made Kira faint. She ended up blinking a few times in sheer confusion but then turned to Kara, turned back, and nodded. Kara then snorted in response.

"I was just being friendly too. My name's Kara Thalion, don't ask me anything about my past and I won't have to kill you… though you're already dead. That's Kira Megani, my assistant and best friend. We moved to Tokyo about six months ago to work in my blown up lab. We're actually from the UK, but the less said about our constant country hopping the better. Now, who are you all? Who's the nitwit I kicked? And who are you, silver-boy!" Kara snorted with annoyance, swinging the chainsaw up and leaning it on a shoulder whilst she itched the rubble from her purple hair and then itched under her chin. Her seemingly reckless greeting making everyone of the soul reapers shudder, she sounded a little too familiar.

The soul reapers looked from one to the other, there was quite a large amount of them, and some did not want to be talking. They quickly muttered something to the young lady in glasses and were dismissed to help out the other souls that were running toward them in excitement but seeking help. Kara and Kira found themselves staring at the seemingly perverted man with the pink thing over his shoulders as he stood up and patted Kira's shoulders. Kira looked nervously toward Kara, and when the man leant too close to Kara and put his hands on her shoulders, Kara couldn't help but give him such a strong head-butt that he was out on the floor. Once again the blonde young man, who was tall and like a younger and thinner version of Sephiroth from Final Fantasy, spoke again.

"Oh, well, my name's Tadashi Haruko. You can call me Haruko though, considering that's my given name, I understand you foreigners say your given name and then your family name. It's a pleasure to meet you both." He said nervously whilst bowing slightly. His voice was soft and gentle so that Kira seemed almost to swoon at it, and she swayed a little. After giving a look of annoyance at having someone tell her what she ALREADY knew, Kara had given her goldfish look before turning to the fallen man and prodding at his shoulders with her feet. The young man, Haruko, continued. "The young lady behind me is Lieutenant Ise Nanao, and the man you're kicking is Captain Kyôraku Shunsui. We're members of the thirteen court squads to which all soul reapers are part of. Our squad number is eight, and Captain Kyôraku is one of the best captains around, he's just a little over friendly with the ladies. He doesn't mean anything though. If you don't mind, we'd like to take you back to the Soul Society and make you join the academy, only you certainly have enough spiritual pressure…"

"Academy? As in LEARNING?" Kara suddenly lunged into his face, grabbing the white rim of his black clothes. She grinned menacingly as if she was some kind of mad lunatic, and technically she sort of was. Haruko was a little freaked out and his eyes bulged with terror, at that point though his Captain was able to stand on his feet and wobble over to nod his head and give a groaning sound. There was a massive bump on his scruffy face and Kara turned to look at him with a raised eyebrow. "Wow. You must be strong to be able to stand up after that! I split some idiots skull doing that once and ended up in trouble for it! But luckily I'm so insane no one cares. Anyway, if we get learning… and it's FREE… then of course we'll come with you, no questions asked…."

Behold another beautiful clear early morning in the Seretei and the beautiful sight of the a little house within, sitting happily on the edge of a small copse and pond. A large army of deranged mutant mites has had Japan, Korea, India, and Australia within its range for fifteen years now, and yet the exaggerated death tolls never seem to change the shift of souls here. For this little house with one stain-glass window at the front, the morning was heralded by the clan of a china saucer and the excitement of Kara as she bounced to the door!

"The milk is gone! My son's still here! Behold even he cookies have been munched!" She squealed in manic delight as she bounced up and down on the porch and began her search. Behind her, Kira appeared, still trying to fix her tightening robes. For a moment she was also intrigued, but more so for the curious dull-coloured mantis that was trying to climb the porch step with a spoon! But then she heard the familiar teeth-grinding squeak of a body pressed to the stain-glass window.

"You know that's a window picture of Aizen, Hisagi? Plus aren't you supposed to be helping Tousen put his underwear on?" Kira questioned nervously, as she watched the horniest bisexual in the Seretei pause in his continuous rubbing against the glass. He backed away from the window a little, dressed as always, but he tripped on the spoon, squashed the mantis, and landed in front of the two mad female scientists. It would not have been a problem, save for the fact that Hisagi fashions his clothes like a Scottish Kilt and they were both flashed, and that he was covered in cookie crumbs and wearing a milky moustache!

"YOU BASTARD! You ate me son's special cookies! Now he's runaway from home and he even forgot his mittens!" Kara screeched as she leapt onto Hisagi in her bath-robe and began to punch him into the dry path outside the porch. Somewhere else in the Seretei however, Captain Kaname Tousen was standing nude near a window with a foot raised. He could hear some giggling but that was normal. He had been waiting an hour though for his pants to be put on, and he was starting to get a little worried….

**End of Part One**


	2. Chapter 2

Part Two: Loony Ladies & Rabid Reapers 

Fifteen years had been spent by Kira and Kara in the after-life and it had been filled with good things and bad things alike. They had been enrolled into the academy immediately but due to an unfortunate attempt to kill a very bad-tempered "Science behind Soul Reapers" tutor for trying to correct their knowledge on genetic mutations, they had needed to do ten years when they had originally finished in five. On the night of the graduation an unfortunate incident with an ancient foe had resulted in Kara's pregnancy! The child had been a male and had been given a weird name due to a high dose of morphine. To an extent his name was "Grimmy" and he was always titled thus, and his cat-like tendencies and love of milk and eating hollows had been an important tool for Kara and Kira. Kara, being lactose intolerant, would give milk to her son and when out with the squad took him in a special hiding bag and he would eat hollows for her!

Of course the birth and the child itself had to be hidden, only close friends and their first captain, Mayuri knew, and each of them was incredibly helpful. But it got more and more difficult to find him somewhere to hide, and when Kira became 3rd Seat in third squad and Kara became lieutenant under Aizen (thanks to an unfortunate illegal experimentation with Mayuri's help that resulted in the explosion of a shed), made it more tricky. So Kara had been granted her own house, though 3rd seat "Freaking" Hinamori had done the decoration. It had all worked out quite well until Grimmy, who grew three times faster in looks but three months behind mentally, had reached five years and thrown a tantrum that had almost blown up the computer room of the house. So, now life was as it should have been, though Kara was taking the runway situation badly, even after a month no longer being a worried mother….

_~~~~Seretei's Best Bar + Restaurant: The Happy Limpet~~~~_

It was the evening and the air was cool, save around the bar area where there was a slight smell of smoke, and the restaurant was filled with the chitter-chatter of the posh members of the Soul Society and the light twang of Jazz-like music. It was a typical posh restaurant where most of the foods consisted of the "crap" most other people were sensible not to eat! Both Kira and Kara were dressed as nicely as they could, and as always they had been searched for weapons as members of squad eleven, apart from Captain Zaraki (when in formal clothing), were not permitted, especially not in the bar area. Kara had been annoyed by this factor as it meant she was in no way going to be dragged to the bar and force-fed pints of alcohol whilst singing songs of a rude or psychotic nature, which was what Kara needed. It worried Kira too as that meant they were completely at the mercy of their hosts! It was not as if Kira and Kara had never been to posh "dos" before when they were alive, after all they were always accompanying work colleagues to great events or their sponsors invited them over. Most of their sponsors had consisted of the super-rich megalomaniacs that were a good crowd for Kara as they often joked about death-rays and flesh-eating viruses. But the Seretei had little evil genius around and most of them were not rich tyrants!

"I'm glad that we're having this staff-liaison meeting, my friends! After-all, what kind of captains would we be if we did not invite our beautiful young workers to a wonderfully beautiful candle-lit meal?" Aizen had begun his usual method of introduction that evening and as normal Kara muttered in a different language to Kira about how he always talked out of his arse at these things. But the two were slightly concerned by some of the phrasing, they had only agreed to partake because they had been told it was a third seats and lieutenants meeting, and the pair had even brought folders of information! But they coped as best they could, eating happily at the pathetically gross starters and not being bothered at how Gin kept trying to squeeze past the other Kira, Izuru Kira, to reach the female one, and how Hisagi quite comfortably kept feeling up Kara's leg, something that he did to everyone.

Apart from third squad, Aizen, Kara, and Hisagi being present; there were also two rather unwanted guests. As much as Aizen had announced it to be for third seats, he had only meant it to be from his and Gin's squad, and so Kaname Tousen had turned up alone. However, the blind captain's version of 'alone' consisted on having his Labrador present, at least, that was what Hisagi was referred to in the current situation, though he probably would not have been mistaken for human if he had been with other dogs! This being because he barked at every waitress and effeminate waiter that passed and he'd already humped everyone's leg under the table and broken the expensive wine casket before Aizen had taken to opportunity to pour some for Kira. That was the other problem, though Momo swooned devotedly over Aizen, both he and Gin were much more interested in female Kira, and they would've only invited her if Kaname had not requested to come. Because of Tousen they had needed to invite Kara, and because of Kara and Kira being suspicious, the others had been forced to join too. It would not really have been too bad, if Kara had not avidly hated the blind black man and if Kira was not afraid of being raped by Gin in a dark alley whilst running for her life from Aizen!

"Uh… I miss the old days, when we were alive, Kira!" Kara muttered lowly as she flicked the random pieces of bread toward Aizen with a low growling sound. Aizen ducked slightly at each piece of sharpened bread. One piece pinged past him and hit some posh nobleman in the background, who suddenly collapsed into his tomato soup, which made female Kira giggle. With a snort Kara continued. "Yeah, those were the days when we were roaming Europe with our many sponsors going to fancy restaurants and so on. Remember when we used to get only the vey best Italian food? Ah, I miss our old Sicilian Business Associates; they always knew what we'd choose to eat"

"Oh yeah, I never understood some of their jokes though, but hey, I never understood Italian. I just used to love it when they would kiss everyone around them and say 'Bella' to every woman they saw. Now those were some dangerous men that knew how to make a woman feel special! But I only say that in that they were very courteous to us." Kira chuckled, and she began to rub a finger around the rim of her glass, looking almost a little flirty so that Gin and Aizen tried to smile and lean in close to say something. But quickly she remembered something and chortled. "Remember Vlad and Karolek? Yeah you do! I was sure you and Karolek had something between you both, especially because he used to beat up every single chef that ever made bad food for you, as well as to half-kill anyone that looked you up the wrong way. They used to be so funny and happy, great to get drunk with and keep us protected. It's funny, Karolek was a murderous guy and yet Vlad had the scars on his face you seemed to stare at all the time! Come to think of it… You always had a thing for the blokes with murderous tendencies and scars, like Nikolai, Vadimas, Kirk, and good old Fritz! And me? I always had the guys with long blonde hair that you used to say were gay all the time! But let me tell you buddy, Alexander wasn't gay, neither was Fredrick, and I'm telling you; Joe was a bi-sexual, I didn't turn him gay!"

"Uh… That's nice to know." Aizen gulped nervously, he was a little unsure of what to make about this whole situation with Kira and with Kara. In one way he was not sure this information was being said to encourage a threat or perhaps just for the sake of it. But he knew he needed to break the ice, at least Kira's ice because Kara was as guarded as the centre of the Antarctic. "By the way, Kira… That's one damn sexy dress you've got on there. I wonder how the rest of the outfit goes… Not you Izuru!"

"Umm… I'm not sure you're words are appropriate, Captain Aizen." Kira Izuru gulped, and Gin snorted. Gin soon shut up though as a knife dropped onto his foot, point down, and then was stamped into his foot by Aizen. Momo gave a little indignant snort, Tousen blinked, Hisagi started to sniff at Kara; Kara slapped him aside, and Kira (female Kira) just froze. Izuru quickly realised his mistake and noted how his beloved Momo was looking so sad. He only wanted to make Momo happy, despite the fact that Kara told him it was a lost cause, and he tried to say something better for her. "Momo has a much better dress then I do, in fact, I'm not wearing a dress."

"Kara… You look divine in your evening wear, perhaps you would like to return with me this evening and watch a film perhaps?" Tousen muttered nervously, gulping visibly as he stared in Izuru's direction. Hinamori gave a sigh; she was sitting next to Tousen and quickly turned him to his left so he faced Hisagi and Kara. He smiled seemingly sweetly, but Kara just blinked at him as if she had just woken up to see a suspicious breakfast set on her bedside counter. "I don't get to see you much these days; I wouldn't mind getting together and going to a play or to a duck pond with you."

"I believe your logic is flawed, somewhat. Mainly the point that you can't see and therefore everything in that sentence has been deemed redundant. Besides, I'd rather have dinner in a sewer with Gin then spend and evening with… OUCH! God damn your sharp nails Kira! NOT YOU IZURU!" Kara growled angrily and she curled her lips and stamped down with her foot. This made female Kira jump backward, knocking her into male Kira, who hit a waiter with a salad bowl, which dropped it on top of Aizen's head, though the white coloured dressing squirted in a rather phallic manner into male Kira's face. But this did not seem to deter Tousen, and he sounded much more threatening this time.

"Well… My beautiful albino, we should do something else together? I've got a special key that allows me to access loads of places in the Seretei… Maybe I'll let you pet my Schnauzer? Not you Hisagi, you're a Labrador, bad dog!" Tousen grinned, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively and then pushing Hisagi's grinning face away from him.

"I'll assume you're talking about Foxy… Oi! Waiter, get here pronto!" Kara barked angrily as she tried hard to ignore Tousen, and indeed to ignore the growling sounds that Hisagi was making toward a soul reaper on another table who was glaring at him for looking at his girl. Swiftly, the waiter hurried over and was almost strangled as Kara growled into his face at how much alcohol she required.

The tension at the diner table was growing as they ordered their drinks, and Kara was simply growling at every nice thing the men were trying to say. Gin had found himself in a hard place too; he was now sitting between Momo and Aizen due to a swapping request. Currently Momo was trying to swoon over Aizen with Gin in the way, which served to humour Hisagi and Izuru at least. The other problem was from Aizen himself; Gin was in a perfect position to play "footsie" with his 3rd seat under the table, and Aizen had noticed this. Aizen had thwarted it often though by making the excuse of dropping his fork, which he did in a rather murderous fashion, and seemed to continuously stab Gin in the knee-cap. This Kira had noticed and was trying to make conversation, but Kara found a new distraction.

"Kira," She growled low and close to Kira's shoulder. She leant in so only they could talk together, though Hisagi tried to lean in a little. Her eyes were harsh and glaring at the smile upon Tousen's face. He seemed turned and leaning toward her, apparently unaware of this though he would wink for no reason at all. "Kira! I can't stand it; Tousen's staring at me again! Why does he keep staring?"

"Staring?" Kira questioned, her face showing a rather surprised type of confusion as she seemed unaware if Kara were joking or not. As she responded, she couldn't help sound as if talking to an idiot. "He can't stare, Kara. He's incapable of staring. He's BLIND, Kara!"

"He's staring at me, I know he is! He's doing it again! I just want to stab his eyes out and see how he likes not being able to stare anymore!" Kara growled and she tried to stand up with a knife, but was quickly sat back down by her friend. The loon held the knife close in her hands and flicked a long curved thumb nail against the blade. "Why does he do this to me? I don't like him and he knows it! That and everyone knows he's a racist, he only likes other people because he's blind and thinks they're all Hispanic! Yet he knows me and Kenpachi and are Caucasian, hence the reason he calls Kenny mean names and seems to keep calling my Snowflake! I mean he's really racist to poor Kenpachi, and Kenny hasn't the best brain to understand what he's on about! Which leads me to my other point, why does he like me when he knows I'm exactly what he hates?"

"Apart from a bit of pain, I don't think he'd mind. He can't stare Kara; we've been through this since you first met him. He's blind, he can't stare! Do you hear me? He's blind! Wait… I don't know why he knows that…" Kira muttered curiously as she looked toward the grinning blind man. "He's still blind, yet he can figure out you and Kenny is white. Maybe he's just assuming this because you're both sadistic. But then that wouldn't make much sense as Mayuri is just like you guys and yet he calls him 'Panda-Boy', which I think might have a gay reference in there. He thinks Akon's some kind of green lizard too, but I think that's just how he assumes comedians to be. I'm perplexed, I mean he hates Kenpachi for being sadistic and a murderous loon when in battle, and yet you're just like that when you're outside in the field or even in the lab! In all honesty, I don't know. But perhaps it's all linked to his blindness?"

"I can't bare it anymore! Why'd you go? WAA! I miss my pussy… WAGH!" Kara screeched. The restaurant was silent and the people were staring blankly at Kara. She had of course been referring to her missing son, or as far as they knew, her missing cat, but someone had not understood this. If it were left to female Kira to write a book on which words were phallic and why, she'd immediately test the dictionary on Hisagi, or mister ever-ready!

"I'm confused… Kara's cat has escaped, and don't tell me…. Hisagi just went for the 'other' pussy? Or am I just assuming too much?" Tousen questioned as he stared blankly into the crowd, confused because everyone in the restaurant had gone silent. When Aizen made a gulping noise of yes, Tousen picked up a spoon and flicked it, only to knock Momo clean out and call her a bad dog instead of the real culprit. But soon Hisagi had needed to depart for the loo, as had Aizen and Gin, so there was a little less tension in the air.

The evening moved on slowly, as Kara tried to aim random forks into Tousen's face and kept getting caught by Kira. When their meal came the two women did their best in a worrying man situation to eat messily! It seemed to work quite well, except Gin kept grinning, Tousen did not know what was going on, and Hisagi seemed to get much more excited by it. At points he tried to wipe their faces, calling them his "dirty little bitches or vixens", which kept costing him. He kept getting his balls punched, but Kara's aim was failing as she drank more and more Vodka. But this was not helped by the fact that Gin was slipping sedatives into every one of Kira's drinks and so she was passing them along to her poison expert, who was now at the same level of sobriety as a monkey drowning in a beer factory. But with Kara starting to wobble in her seat, Kira started to realised they needed to escape!

"Kara… I wouldn't normally ask you to stop drinking Vodka; it usually doesn't bother you like this after-all, but please listen to me. I'm getting too troubled by this situation, and we have to get out. You'll have to use that special trick you have that summons our super-special transport system. Got it?" Kira muttered fearfully to Kara as the older woman drained another large bottle of 50% Vodka, something she'd liberated from a waiter going out on his break. Kara paused and eyed her up for a moment.

"Okay then, allow me…." At that point Kara stood up, cleared her throat, took a sip of vodka, and cleared her throat once more. The others looked at her expectantly, as if she were about to make a speech, but Kara just swayed a little and hiccupped. Then she raised her finger to indicate she needed a moment, burped, and then let out a cry like Tarzan would to summon beasts! However, this just gave her a blank stare and she chuckled in a drunken fashion before screaming and waiting for the stampede. "What do you know, FREE BAR AND BOOZE at the Happy Limpet?"

In less then five minutes the thunder had been heard and the charge of the eleventh squad had sounded around the restaurant. Their security had been knocked flat to the ground and the squad had charged right over the tables and toward the bar in one great member-made snaking train of human torso. They left a pile of carnage in their wake as they smashed through the back of the restaurant and turned back to gather up the remnants of alcohol. When they had gone, Gin and Aizen stood up to find that the chairs Kira and Kara had been on where gone, as were the women, and the entire bar. They had not noticed how the seats had been scooped up and placed on top of the train of eleventh squad fighters, along with the bar and the bar tender, both of which were keeping Kira quite entertained as the train headed home.

"Whoo! Eleventh Squad RULES! Hey, hey Iki, pass me the Schnapps please! Yo Yumi, get me these cheesy cracker-biscuit things! Hey Kara, let's not party… Like twas seventeen-ninety whatever… Hey! Pennies!" Kira snorted happily as she leant down the side of the eleventh squad member train and scooped some pennies off the path. She turned around to Kara and raised her arm, barking like she was going free-hand on a rollercoaster. Behind her, Yachiru had just been dropped off into Ukitake's arms, he was always willing to babysit, but this made Kara nervous as they approached the eleventh squad barracks and she made a nervous gulping sound.

"Is it me, or that look on Kenny's face suggest the following 'you gonna get raped' thing, Kira? Or has my syntax just gone?" Kara gulped nervously as they were hurtled further along the barrack line toward the party courtyard and the open door to Kenpachi's quarters. Outside these quarters, Kenpachi was standing in his captain jacket alone, though covering anything that might scare his troops, looking straight toward the two women as he pinged off his eye patch into his quarters rather seductively. Kara made a shuddering sound of both excitement and terror as the fighter-train shunted to a halt.

"Yes… Yes it does. Ah well, at least you'll have an excuse to get off work and to use a wheelchair. How long did it take for you to regain all the feeling in your legs, as well as to come out of that orgasmic shock, again?" Kira questioned, but there was no time to answer as one of Kenny's giant arms reached toward them and the last thing either could remember of the evening was Kenpachi's homicidal smile.

**End of Part Two**

_A note to anyone bothering to read this; sorry for the blind jokes and the Tousen things in this chapter, I hope you understand this. Neither I nor my friend (Kira) is racist or prejudice to anyone with disabilities. We're just basing this joke on a strange series of circumstances in real life. Where I live, one of my roommates has a trio of neutered male rats that we've nicknamed (and they respond to) Tousen, Aizen, and Gin. And the one we call Tousen is going a little blind now he's getting on in age, and unfortunately for me in the past two months he's been greeting me with the mating sounds that rats give off… So we're joking about how he always stares toward me when I sit in the room where his cage is, or how he stares at my bedroom door! EEP! _


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three: Mantis Invasion & Rebellious Hearts **

NOTE: VERY RUDE! LOTS OF SEX JOKES FROM PARAGRAPH FIVE! AND MY FRIEND'S STEP-DAD LITERALLY MAULED MY ICE-CREAM! Also, the last parts from the monkey-on were written under the influence of the Gin Fox, Alcoholic Beverages, and Furry Ice-Cream... DAMN!

The morning was as calm and happy in the Seretei as if a symphony orchestra were playing that stereotypical tune for a spring morning. In fact, Byakuya had hired some in to play it from six am to prevent any noise from Squad eleven. But to the surprise of most in the Seretei it was as quiet as anything, the sun was high in the sky and the Sakura trees were blossoming. The giant carp in Ukitake's pond flipped in the air, and he was up early with little Yachiru as they chased some butterflies about his gardens with nets. Overall, there was peace and harmony, even Soi Fonn had decided to calm down a bit, and so she had removed the spikes on the bottom of her chair and replaced it with a very soft cushion, which made her so comfy she seemed to vegetate in the course of an hour.

Squad eleven was in disarray, everyone had been so drunk that night that no one had bothered to wake up or clean up, let alone go to bed. Most of the men of the squad were stuck in one giant heap with half of their clothing missing and a big pile of shoes sat aside them with a note. The note stated that they belonged to "Kira Megumi", and yet the member of squad three could not be seen anywhere, except that the remnants of the bar incident last night remained there. But within the pile of human bodies there was some movement and a few groans. There were even a few giggles, but then a great hand pulled itself out of the group and then let out a happy sigh.

"Ah… I'm now richer and happy, good thing years ago Kara's brother taught me how to win and cheat successfully at Poker. I feel good, the hangover is non-existent, and there are no ill effects!" Kira Megumi sighed as she pulled herself out of the pile, her body coated in the clothes of Ikkaku and the many shoes of the squad members, not to mention a large sac of money was tied to her ankle. "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! Byakuya has a flock of flamingos in his private pond… And one has GLASSES! AGH! Everyone will be attacked by diseased monkeys if Mayuri doesn't watch his locks! Especially Phil, poor Phil's in for a rough time! OH MY GOD! Tousen, Aizen, and Gin are all involved in some evil conspiracy to rebel against the Seretei and rule over a bunch of Mexican Gangsters! What…. What else? AGH! OH MY GOD! Worst of all, the Seretei will be invaded by fat chubby tree frogs and evil praying mantis! Oh my God! Help me Kara! Kara!"

Kira was suddenly shaking off her new clothes and rushing toward the door to Kenpachi's room. Her mind had forgotten about the previous night's actions and when she opened the door she was quite shocked. When she'd smashed through the door with a scream of terror, she froze. Her eyes caught sight of Kenpachi stretching out, completely naked and un-covered, on his half-broken bed, which had shuffled across the floor toward the door when it had been at the opposite end of the room before then! She also noted he was grinning mischievously and patting a bump shielded by cover. Kira recognised this as Kara, and as her former employer sat up from the bed, also naked, she suddenly spotted something else terrifying about Kenpachi that explained a lot and made her skin go green!

"Oh My GOD! It's the ELEPHANT MAN!" Kira squealed in terror as she shielded her eyes. Her body shock with terror and she almost began to have a fit from what was in the room. As Kenpachi moved so he wasn't a distraction, Kara dragged herself out of the covers and scrabbled about for her bag. When she had the great work bag, she took out a pencil, some paper, and a large bouncy ball. With this she stared at the terrified Kira, whose eyes were far too wide to be able to blink properly. So, with a clear cough, Kira turned toward Kara and had the ball thrown at her head. "OUCH! Why'd you do that? Oh yeah! I wanted to tell you, I had the old oracle things again! This time Mayuri's monkey's escaped, there was an invasion of frogs and mantis, Byakuya keeps flamingos as pets, and Tousen, Aizen, and Gin are going to rebel!"

"I see…. Now, the monkey-thing is a possibility and the flamingo thing could be possible. But a Rebellion? PAH! That's quite mad my buddy and really unlikely! As for the mantis and frogs, apparently squad eight has been having a bit of trouble with them and needed us to be pest controllers, which we need to do this afternoon. There's not much else I can think of for that. But this is just a reminder to you, Kira; getting drunk always leads to your weird Drunken Prophecies and we don't want too many of them. Now, you're lucky that money can now cover the costs of renting out my spare room for your TV and stuff! But, I'm not going to do the usual punishment of half-drowning you to be sober again, so off you go and wander! I'm going to get back to sleeping as currently I still cannot feel my lumbar vertebrae!" Kara sighed with boredom as she listened to Kira's squealing of terror, all the time keeping the sheets over herself and Kenpachi as he just stared blankly at himself and the Kira. He was still a little confused about what she was talking about.

"Damn these Drunken Oracles! Okay Kara, you know what's best so I'll just go to the pawn shop and then I'll get the wheelchair and the bug spray! At least we know one of my premonitions was right!" Kira snorted dejectedly as she turned away and walked out, forgetting everything she saw for the promise of murdering bugs and frogs. But in the room, it seemed Kenpachi was quite curious about what she meant.

"Drunken Oracles? Weird! But then again the weedy lieutenant in her squad apparently has them too! I once heard a guy say that women can see into the future when they orgasm… But why such random crap? Is she usually right?" Kenpachi yawned as he tried not to whack Kara in the head with his elbow as he scrabbled about for his eye-patch; of course he always managed to hit Kara's head.

"Yeah, even when alive she could do that. Usually it's a one-in-three chance she's correct, she's never had more then one premonition in a day though. But at least we know one of the others has to be correct, so who knows? As to the orgasm things, it's always a possibility? Now, haven't you got some Ryoka to kill or something? Only yesterday you spent all day chasing them, got lost, and ended up in Ukitake's back garden!" Kara snorted as she stretched and then curled up back in the remnant of the half-broken bed.

* * *

It was the fourth day since the premonitions and some very strange things had happened already, but none of them were predicted! Firstly, there were Ryoka everywhere but in their adventures to slaughter an invasion of insects and frogs, Kara and Kira had not seen them. Then there was news that Kara's Captain, Aizen, was apparently gruesomely murdered and Momo had tried to attack Gin a few times because of it; so both Kara and Kira were happy, and there was even a private party in the eleventh squad. Apparently a couple of reapers were out-cold, including Ikkaku and Yumichika, some Ryoka were captured to be held on trail about Aizen's death, though Kara had sworn they had nothing to do with it. But worst of all, both Mayuri's monkeys had escaped and the captain had been reduced to a sludge-pile. But Kenpachi had also lost a fight, though his squad were keeping a Ryoka as a pet, and Kara and Kira were there to annoy them!

"Why do you have a jar of green goo and your chainsaw at the ready, Kara? I don't think the rabid-monkeys can break into this area…." Kenpachi had begun as he had been forced to stay on a seat whilst everyone assisted the two loons in barricading the room. Kara paused and tapped the glass jar, the green slop made a high-pitched squeak of annoyance and Kira chuckled evilly as Kara put the jar on the floor and kicked it about. As the contents rolled the sound continued and the Ryoka girl was listening with a slight sense of unease.

"It's just a 'Mayuri-in-a-jar'; he did loose after-all! Plus I thought seeing him in pain may just make you feel better! That door sealed tightly, Corporal Wiggy?" Kara snorted with a giggle toward Yumichika, who frowned but nodded his head proudly. Kara sighed and lowered her chainsaw, but the door did open! But it only opened to reveal the friendly form of a squad four soul reaper. This soul reaper was called Phil; he had originally been in Kara's squad until his tendency to get randomly attacked had led Aizen to moving him into the 'least' attacked squad. Phil happily stepped in and put food out for everyone and got a pat on the head from Kara, even though Yumichika was looking nervously toward the door he thought he'd barred up. "Anyway, little Orihime, isn't she just so adorable? Anyway, what are you and your gang doing here? I mean, summer's not as nice in the Seretei as people brag it to be, it gets terribly warm and sticky! Plus, I heard you guys had forgotten your passports too, hence the whole 'Ryoka'-thing."

There was a blank expression on Orihime's face as she tried to breakdown this information properly. Meanwhile, Ikkaku was head-butting the walls, Aramaki was having his moustache pulled off by Yachiru, Yumichika was now complimenting Kira's clothing, and Kenpachi flicked Mayuri's jar about with his sword, occasionally chuckling like most kids when they find something fun to do. Mayuri continued to screech for assistance and as Orihime was about to speak, Phil got up to leave. He had just turned to the left when from out of nowhere; a monkey had leapt right into his face and began attacking him. Straightaway Kira hit the beast's head with her lead-pipe and knocked it toward the jar on the floor. The monkey, dazed and hungry, picked up the jar while Phil was quickly thrown outside onto another squad four member. The monkey was reasonably smart as it first sniffed the jar, and then skilfully untwisted the lid!

"Get him away! He'll eat me!" Mayuri's sludge screamed as it tried to escape a probing faeces-coated monkey finger.

"NO! Let it eat him! It's his monkey anyway!" Kenpachi grinned menacingly and kept leaning toward the monkey's face, trying to convince it. "Eat it! It's full of clown-goodness!"

"EW! Monkey's smell like poopie!" Yachiru grunted as she jumped onto Kenny's shoulder and leaned in to watch the murdering simian. The other members of eleventh squad lurched closer, eyes hungry for the death of the squad twelve "clown". They listened with delight at the high-pitched wails of the distressed goo, even though it seemed almost cruel to let him be so innocently... digested. But then, Kira and Kara suddenly bounced and reacted to the fact that the monkey was not yet dead and attacking their former trainer.

"DIE FOUL BEAST OF SHIT!" Kara screamed like a deranged berserker in the heat of a death charge, which indeed she was in. The monkey made a silent OOo before giving off the varying sound of spine-curdling snaps, crunches, and the overly splurging sounds as the chainsaw skilfully sliced it to pieces. By some manner of quick-timing and thinking, Kira had managed to pull the bed sheets off of Kenpachi's resting place and covered the remaining members of the room with it. Blood and guts spilled everywhere and matched the blood-red eyes of Kara's rage, they even fell into the jar and made Mayuri squeak! The others were safe from the blood rain, though they could not block out the sound of Kara's manic laughter or Mayuri's upset.

"But I like blood!" Kenpachi snorted, removing his hand from some low place amongst the bandages. The other squad eleven members also pulled their hands out of their trousers and sighed with sorrow. Orihime and Yachiru looked confused, Kira just shuddered. It was a well-known fact of warfare that the most terrifying distraction tactic was one of shock, or one to make the enemy recoil and vomit. For this reason alone, Squad Eleven was fearsome and renowned in battle, but it was not for their looks or their blood-curdling screams... but rather for the sheer uncomfortable-ness of hearing them climax as they masturbated at the sight of a dead corpse. It might have seemed a little illegal, but anything gore-filled or blood-spilled related, even speaking of major or minor surgeries or scabbing wounds seemed to cause such reactions. As such, it was better that the two younger members of the group were not yet horrifically scarred for life. That, and she did not want to see what happened if the Mayuri-blob accidentally interacted with something from Kenpachi's... stuff.....

* * *

Another little while had passed and there was a very dramatic turn of events as Kira's rebellion oracle came true. The news was spreading through the ranks thanks to squad four's top girls and Aizen had been revealed. As Mayuri listened in, in his bath-tub, Nemu recoiled in horror at the sight of a monkey's tail coming out of her father's backside. For this, Mayuri sunk back in slightly and began swearing, rather more concerned with the manipulation of his DNA then the rebellion. Kira and Kara had managed to get to the execution on time that day, wearing beer-cans attached to baseball caps with straws, and popcorn. They had been "wooting" the whole rendition until Ichigo had turned up and stopped the most whiny little woman, next to Momo, from being horrifically murdered. Now they were simply staring in shock as a praying-mantis with a pair of numb-chucks was trying to face them down, forgetting to help the others capture Aizen.

"The lead-pipe of Hades will solve your treacherous deceit, ninja bug!" There was a splat, the mantis was dead, and Kira took off her scarf and dropped it over the splat-mark of the mantis. As she spoke her last words to the fallen warrior, something in her pocket echoed with the bitter-sweet tune of the Final Fantasy 'Mission Accomplished' theme. "You were a worthy opponent, Kara's eye will be black for days, but you made a mistake in thinking a lead pipe would have no effect on your spine-less goo package. Farewell, mantis. *Insert tune here* WAHOO!"

"Kara... Why aren't you trying to restrain me? I won't struggle if she restrains me!" Tousen cooed from where he was currently being pinned. Kara, who was now half-blind herself, was shuddering whilst staring at Byakuya's corpse on the floor, assuming it to be her former captain. Overall, she was still a little shocked Aizen was alive, after-all, promotion had been beckoning, and she could have done some pretty indecent things or just talked about surgery with Unohana at a Captains meeting to make Mayuri interested, therefore making Kenpachi's likely "display", ever more shameful!

"Kira... Come with me if you want to live!" Aizen purred toward Kira as she turned around, making the usual 'with the what now' noises as the strange message that had entered her head suddenly made sense. But the cheesy reference to a film she had hated made her a little unhappy. But then Gin chimed in the same and she felt the urge to throw the lead-pipe at him.

"We must go now... Destiny awaits... OW!" Gin had begun, trying to seem serious until a lead-pipe hit him in the forehead. The three traitors had managed to set themselves free, and there was a sudden strange beam falling down upon them. As the beam surrounded the rebels, poor Phil got too close as he tried to fend them off and his arm was cleanly severed from his body, and started floating after Aizen.

"Good-day, gentlemen, and hot-babe Kira! I believe I will see you again, after-all, heaven's looking for a new ruler, and OH MY GOD!" Aizen vomited loudly as the severed arm hovered past his face. As they were consumed slowly by the Menos beam, as Menos Grande now apparently were related to aliens, the vomit went past Aizen's face and he vomited again. As he did so, Gin began to wave bye and Tousen continued to stare in the wrong direction, questioning Aizen about whether they were floating or he was actually drunk.

"So long! Don't come back! If you write to us, we won't read it! If you phone us, we won't answer! If you try to visit... We'll be dead in a hideous orgy-related eleventh squad birthday bash disaster! So long... ASS!" Kara and Kira hollered up whilst waving up to them. As Aizen continued to vomit, Gin waved back, and the remainder of the Seretei were shocked as they watched the two heckling vice-captains. But as the pair watched the great and phallic rip in the air close up, a small packet filled with a smashed copper chamberpot fell down at their feet.

"Oh my God! Kara, I have a funny feeling we met that Menos before! I'm sure he used to hang around me as a kid! He used to go to raves, beat up bullies, and smoke metallic pots!" Kira muttered in sheer horror, which made everyone around them relax a little more. At this point they realised the terrible condition that Captain Komamura was in, and they hurried over. Meanwhile, Kara just nodded her head in resigned agreement, and flicked the "V's" toward where Aizen and co. had disappeared to.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four: Conspiracies and More Traitors **

_**Note to all readers:**__ Currently, this is being written in the room of "Kira's" house whilst we take in vast amounts of Rum and Pepsi as well as delicious ice-cream, of which mine was mauled by an unforeseen force, probably God trying to stop me going into a lactose-related allergic fit (YOU **"&^$^"^).... Any insane points or inside joke references have been caused due to alcoholic content within the writer. We've also been making jokes about very rude things in an attempt to quell our fears of an exam on Monday. Good luck to us both, though why I'm telling any readers this is completely unknown to me. _

***

"Happy Birthday... Your Sexy She-Devil!" Akon barked as he burst out of the birthday cake in nothing but his lab-coat. The members of Squad Eleven and Mayuri recoiled in horror, but the women present were heckling with delight, everyone knew Akon had a really good body beneath the shaggy coat. Currently Kara was celebrating her fortieth birthday, though in the Sereitei she remained the same thirty-five-year-old scientist she had come to it as. But the past week had been very busy, with the rebellion and all, Kara and Kira had been promoted, but there was an air of bad eggs from the head squads as they tried to find people to accuse.

"WHOO! Hurry Akon, do your pole-dancing before Kenpachi gets back to the squad and tries to kill you all!" Kira shrieked in delight, even she liked Akon, though at times she'd been spooked by him. After-all, she knew Kara had a fetish for men of science and giant psychopaths, but before that fateful night when Kenpachi had stormed into the lab drunk and wrestled her, Kara had been into Akon. In fact, Kira could fondly remember coming into the lab and seeing them making out of the lab-table, despite the numerous health and safety violations it was causing. But, if jealous old Kenpachi stepped in, then he would say Kara had been "dealing" everyone even Kira and there would be death.

"Kara! I mean, *HIC*, Kira! This... Is... the BEST party ever! You made me forget the tragic loss of my son... Kitty-Grimmy-Ice-cream! PLUS! You made me forget that I almost adopted Ichigo from the real world because he reminded me of my pet!" Kara made a gurgling sound as she swayed about, and Kira darted backward, fearing puke. But instead Kara just chuckled insanely and made a quarter of eleventh squad depart out of fear, as well as to gamble drunkly.

"Nice to know Kara! But I'm still worried.... Everyone's been a little odd with us since the rebellion, because I waved bye and you flicked swear-fingers at them. I think that they think we're evil. Plus I keep having dreams of our childhood when we first met and were taken into foster care because of the arson to the school-yard! Do you remember gay uncle Billy-Bob? Do you remember the magic Menos Tree... Called Steve?" Kira muttered nervously and conspiratorial, though being half drunk she screamed it into Kara's ears to try and overtake the ridiculous volume of the heavy-metal and Germanic music in the background. Kara just shrugged and then began to shudder with horror.

"I do remember. They told us we would never have to leave that happy place, and then that we were imagining Steve, and they gave us the drugs to make him go away! Those bastards! Then they wondered why we vaporized them as soon as I built that 'one-use only' ray gun. Mutts to hem! But yeah... EVERYONE FIG OFF! KENPACHI's COMING BACK! YOU WILL ALL DIE UNLESS HE's Drunk tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.............. Wow, I can say O so many times!"

* * *

On her departure from the party, and then her incident trying to scrape Hisagi off her leg because he'd jumped her from a bush, Kira had a lot to think about. Though drunk and slightly woozy, her mind was racing with fear as the prophecies tried their best to slap her in the face. As she walked through a random and slightly spooky amount of woodland, which was somehow in her path to Squad Three's barracks, Kira noticed a low tree branch a little too late. Literally, she was slapped in the face by a sapling...

The prophecies were not so random and general this time, they were concerned with her. Somehow she could see herself in some really cool clothing, with every one of the newest games of Persona that she could possible imagine while hordes bowed and called her Queen. It pleased Kira to think of that as her future, she could also see amongst the crowd was Kara and Kenpachi, and something that looked like Gin with a mop on his head and a very pregnant stomach, she could even see Grimmjow! She could remember suddenly where the mistake had been made on name the child too, Kara had said "bring more Snack-a-Jacks" not "Grimmjow Jagguerjacques". She knew she totally owed the kitten for that one, maybe she'd buy him a car or whatever he needed. But she could also see Tousen in a large pit in the hallway of a quite gloomy looking place, but other then that, she could see someone sitting next to her, calling himself king. She chuckled meekly, blushed as he gently caressed her hand and called her "his queen", but then she raised her eyes, saw Aizen, and she screamed out in horror.

From that moment she was no longer drunk, and yet no longer standing up. Somehow she had managed to crush Iba Tetszaimon by falling on top of his drunken form and she had blurted out everything. She stood up suddenly, Iba's sunglasses were off and she recoiled in horror at the missing eyelids! But Iba seemed more shocked, his now bent fingers pointed toward her accusingly.

"It was you! You and Kara! You arranged it with Aizen! You're a spy! Kara got pregnant to Crispin Freeman! I knew she wasn't a virgin like Kenpachi thought..." Iba had begun but Kira suddenly kicked him in the back of the head, knocking him out, before correcting him.

"Hey, I never said I worked for Aizen, I don't even know what's going on! Secondly, Kenpachi knew Kara wasn't a virgin! Honestly! I knew that after our first Nobel Prize Winning ceremony in Stockholm where she and some Russian bloke disappeared into the disabled bathrooms for an hour! Jeez! I'm the virgin in the group... Or... Am I? AGH!" Kira snorted, and with that said she headed straight back to eleventh squad, this was serious. She did not want to be clumped in with a rebellion, and Kara did not want anyone to know about her runaway Pussy, and every phallic thought that phrase implied!

Her entry into the squad barracks had been accurately timed, Kenpachi and Kara were only involved in the foreplay, which consisted of Kara being thrown around in a blanket and Kenpachi bleeding from a large series of needles embedded on his back... She'd seen worse before. Immediately Kira ran up to Kenpachi, her hands waving in the air as she jumped up and down and barked in horror. Kenpachi paused, there was a muffled confusion-based noise from Kara, and the Kenpachi continued to swing Kara around. So, Kira did the only thing she could do in the situation, she braced herself, squatted slightly, and then lunged forward to head-butt Kenpachi, right in his unfortunates. This caused a cry of agony from Kira as she clasped her head, Kenpachi collapsed like a tonne of bricks, and Kara crawled into view, wearing some very dangerous looking belts filled with needles, grenades, and even a small shovel.

"WHAT?" Kara snarled as foam spilled out of her mouth. But Kira's explanation was enough to make the loon bolt forward out of the barracks with the shovel raised. No one could know about this! They needed to deal with the problem! They had to, KILL, Iba!

***

Five hours passed, Kira and Kara stepped back to their shared house with the now removed Aizen window. Hisagi was fast asleep still attached to the glass pane, but happy. The two women threw a heavy, mud-encrusted shovel and a blood smeared baseball bat into a nearby bin. There would be a collection of the rubbish bins in an hour and no one would know. They then trawled the mud of their misadventure through the carpet on their way to the kitchen for one last sip of vodka before they would wash the mud off their bodies and sleep. They had just buried Iba, alive... at least still bleeding profusely from a head wound. No one would know about Grimmjow, and Kara was smiling.

"Kira..." She muttered gently with a crooked smile. "This really was the best birthday yet! We haven't buried someone in mob-style since we first started out at the age of twelve! I feel a lot younger now, and I want to thank you. But for safeties sake, do not speak of your drunken prophecy ever again, and do not talk to anyone in squad seven. It'll be a few days before Foxy-kun's nose and doggy-instincts cause him to dig the corpse up!"

* * *

The following week was one of trying to fix up the barracks that was covered in party-crap and also to fill out the papers about the recent events. Being the replacement captain, Kara was stuck trying to solve all the paperwork herself. Had Momo not been an idiot, maybe they would have done it together, like the two Kira's were, but no, Momo was slowly dying! At the request of Hitsugaya, rather then by her own and indeed Unohana's judgment, Kara had been forced not to retire the incapacitated squad member and not to cut the cord on the life-support machine each time she visited. Instead, Kara just added rohipnol to the drip and recorded every random moment of gurgling that Momo made and sent it to Hitsugaya to watch, it was the only way to vent her annoyance.

As for Iba, no one had noticed on indeed found his body yet, and having been incredibly drunk at the time, Kara and Kira had not only forgotten the burial site, but also who Iba was. But life was good and money was suddenly present in their pay-cheques. Things seemed to be going well, until Iba returned to his squad. Though Kara's position with her son had been long forgotten, the note on Kira had not, and there were spies everywhere...

* * *

"I'm telling you Kara, they were in my lampshades! They were in the bathroom! They were in the airing cupboard and passed me a towel when I went looking for one! They're trying to crack me up! But I didn't do anything! They've even been listening in as I reconcile all the members of my squad who had been scared out of filing sexual harassment reports against Gin! They've been listening in to Izuru's sorrows and have even been laughing at him! It's made Chicken-Wings feel even worse about the hideous loss of his butt-virginity to the Gin Fox!" Kira was rocking back and forth with a warm towel wrapped around her, tea was floating in front of her face as Kara just tried to ignore it all. She was still unsure why Iba was trying to avoid them.

"I don't know what they want, they said they were spying but what for? I think they must have been tipped off to those Erotic phone-messages the trio of idiots keep leaving on your answering machine! But don't worry, I told them they couldn't come in to spy on you here and that Hisagi's being paid for the window-cleaning, not prostitution as he seems to think it is. You're safe here!"

"Yes you are!" Hisagi snorted in response as he lathered up his uncovered chest with soapy water and began to rub his nipples against the window. The high-pitched whine made Kara and Kira's teeth grind as well as shudder in disgust. They could never understand what motored Hisagi's sex drive, but at the same time they had still not come any closer to solving the increase in repetitive strain injury in squad eleven, the video on the tendon damage they had forced them to watch had ended up in such a serious event that Kara and Kira had been forced to evacuate the barracks of tenth and twelfth squad for an hour, but the picnic had been an enjoyable one.

"But... But... Old Man Beardie has been so mean to me, he sends me butterflies with Death Note's attached! Then there's Captain Dyke... No offense to lesbians of course..." Kira began, waving her hands in front of Kara as if she were making a mean point about Kara. This made Kara's eyes roll and feet stamp!

"Why does everyone say that to me? I'm not a LESBIAN! I'm not BISEXUAL either!" She snarled, frothing at the mouth but making Kira whine about a lack of attention.

"Anyway, everyone's been so mean to me and even though the Ninja spies say hi and stuff, they keep writing notes down! I'm quite scared of them! I don't want to be set fire to by the crazy bloodthirsty loon at the top of the food chain around here! Plus... I keep thinking he's turning the other squads against me, and it hurts Kara. It hurts in here..." Kira mewed pathetically as her eyes watered and she patted her stomach, rather then her heart... But this was due to the appearance of a packet of Pringles and Kira's other hand was point toward her open mouth as she did an impression of a baby-bird. "Chirp-chirp!"

"I'd be worried if I were you Kira... These came from a giant storage unit in fifth squad and there was a packet under Aizen's desk. When I got one of my subordinates to test it, they were out for an hour. I don't think you should be worried about the Sereitei so much as about Aizen! Keep the crushed pot on you at all times I say!" Kara growled as she gave the Pringles tub to her friend and waited ten minutes for it to be demolished and Kira to cheer up slightly. "Tell you what... Why don't you go around the other squads and ask them what they think. You know that my squad like you, so do third squad, Hisagi likes you, Komamura likes, and so does eleventh squad! You should have a tour around whilst I sew up this great big hole in your jeans... I told you playing persona whilst practicing that red flame canon thing was not a good idea..."

* * *

"Are you a traitor.. Kira? Because... Traitors die!" old man Yamamoto barked as Kira rattled nervously in front of the first squad with nervous eyes. She had taken the advice a little too literally, and had gone straight to the top squad to ask them if they thought she was a traitor. As the old general seemed adamant that she was, Kira was already backing out the door and shaking her head. She had already chatted with one or two of second squad that said they were not sure, but she was not going to see Soi Fonn.

"I'm not a traitor. I'm loyal to the end! Viva le Beardie!" Kira quickly muttered as she scuttled out of the door. Obviously first squad did not like her, but she was sure Unohana would say other things, plus it was about time she had a medical check over. If only because she had kept seeing Gin in a bush all afternoon and none of the ninjas that stalked her had...

* * *

"Here's a lollipop for such a brave young lady!" Unohana chirped happily as she pulled a very large lolly from a drawer near her syringes and placed it in Kira's hands. Kira just sighed gently, though her arm was now swollen from the injection, but she had no idea why truth serum was part of the whole routine check up these days, she couldn't see them doing that in real life. But Unohana was smiling in that sweetly and mother some manner of hers, and surprisingly Kira was a little unsettled that Unohana had said she did not think she was a traitor.

"So... Why do you think the others don't like me? Do you think it's because I used to get dragged around by Aizen to all those dinner parties and that Gin never took advantage of me? You know I was only spared because Kara stabbed him in the eyes to prove he did not have any... Turns out she was wrong!" Kira chirped nervously, her nails scraping her black robes around her knee caps as she sat on the examination bench, her feet kicking gently at the air.

Unohana just nodded gently and made a noise as if she wanted Kira to continue. But Kira was very unsure, after-all, Unohana was not even looking at her and was instead pouring through a couple of folders with her friend Kara and Kenpachi's name on. She was looking at photos, ones that Kira had not seen before and probably would not be allowed to. But Kira was not going to ask... She was much happier seeing Unohana then Isane... if only because last week Isane told her she had been made a lesbian by Kira's natural aphrodisiac, though Mayuri was still to confirm the testing!

"Please... Continue..." Retsu smiled sweetly and she turned to look at Kira with a smile almost as creepy as Gin's. Kira shuddered, but she felt a sudden wave of heavy pressure and gave a nervous chuckle.

"I mean... You've heard about my drunken prophecies and all! I had one where Aizen was calling me the queen of his realm, but I didn't realize it was him at first. The thing is, he was being all really sweet and kind with me and caressing me, and then I saw his face and screamed! Then last night I had a terrifying dream where I was being chased and Aizen was the one that saved me, but he saved me be letting me into this big open house where he was the only one living there and we were all alone! Is... Is this a normal reaction when you're scared?" Kira began to ramble, but she was slightly shocked by Unohana's soft and almost mocking chuckle.

"Well, Aizen obviously seems to be your knight, doesn't he? I didn't think you were such a sweet little romance-loving girl, Kira. After-all, I should have supposed you were an innocent, and such a crush isn't damaging now because you know you'll not be able to see him again. Perhaps... perhaps you didn't realize you actually loved him till now? I mean, he was certainly more fond of you then he was of Momo..." Unohana had raised her long sleeve to cover her mouth as she chuckled like a schoolgirl. She had a nice juicy bit of information on Kira now, and she would have to inform those that assumed her to be evil. Kira was not a rebel, she was just infatuated!

"Maybe... WAIT? WHAT THE! Are you an idiot? I hate him! He used to be really creepy! He was so innocently friendly to everyone and it meant he was evil! That's what Kara said!" Kira had only just figured out what had been said, and she was suddenly on her feet and yelling at Unohana. But Unohana was just chuckling gently.

"Kara was the one that told you, no. You never thought no yourself, so why don't you just admit it? Really, it's rather sweet!" Unohana giggled.

"WHAT?" Kira's face began to screw up with tears, she did not fancy Aizen! It was like saying she fancied a big old toad! Sure, the temptation to lick them was a big one, but the poison was too virulent to encourage continuous licking... At least, that's what her brain started to say, and she blurted out something strange. "I don't want to lick him! I don't want that kind of High again! Last time I was stuck in a daze and had to avoid him for ages!"

"I... I see..." Unohana's face went blank. She had just been delivered with an information overload and was trying hard to understand it all. Then she remembered that Kira was from squad three, and therefore a weirdo by nature. But she had no idea that Kira was referring to the pet Marine Toad, or Cane Toad, that Kara had kept in the lab for ages that had grown too fond of Kira. So Unohana decidedly to swiftly change the subject and get a little bit of information to distract Kira and make her leave. "Do you think Kenpachi and Kara would ever get involved in a threesome?"

"Hell no..."

* * *

"HELL NO!" Kara snarled angrily at two of her subordinates that had arrived with a mountain of paperwork, smeared in a variety of sauces. "It was only an expression okay! I never would go through with eating the paperwork if Kira fancied Aizen! I said that like eight years ago! She hates his guts! Plus... I forget that Unohana and Isane can spread information in a flash, like when Aizen rebelled, I hope Kira remembered that when she went to see her. But I know that Kira would never go off with Aizen. It's not like she's had a sex dream about him!"

* * *

"Look, it was the one time, and he was just a little guy! At least... Little compared to what I'm used to seeing Kara deal with." Kira announced proudly.

"So... You don't fancy Aizen, and you licked a toad instead? That... That makes a lot of sense, 3rd Seat Kira Megami." Captain Byakuya of the 6th squad muttered gently from behind his desk, his long slender fingers trying to find the appropriate panic button to press. Already Kira was trying to back away a little, she had noticed the door was locked to the office, but the windows weren't. She'd got the information she'd wanted, so why was she still here.

"Thanks for the information anyway! I'm pleased your squad don't like me, but that you and Renji think I'm cool? Yeah.. That's cool for me..." She muttered fearfully. Not that she wasn't quite obsessed with Byakuya, like a good deal of fan-girls before her, but she was a little unsure of the situation. She wanted a relationship after all, not just... This...

"Please... Stay with me a little while..." Byakuya smiled as he clicked something and stepped away from his desk. At the same time, most of the windows were suddenly closed by heart-smothered blinds and the lighting in the room was suddenly coming from a descending disco-ball. The desk suddenly got dragged along the floor to the walls, and from out of nowhere the floorboards flipped over to reveal a very large and rounded bed. This Byakuya suddenly lay upon, slowly dragging his white scarf across his body and betwixt his thighs before tossing it at Kira.

Kira was stunned into silence, her mouth open as she was gaping at this strangeness. Never would she had imagined this from Byakuya, Gin maybe, Byakuya... No! But at least she had his backing, yet the situation just got a little creepier as she tried to make explanations to leave. This was ignored as Byakuya pressed a button that put on some conveniently cheesy porn-style music and the bed began to rotate. Byakuya suddenly had his robes off, save his pants, and was posing awkwardly. The fact that he was wearing tiger-stripped briefs just made Kira a little more anxious.

"Come now Kira... Why don't you hop on the bed with me, and we can talk some more?" Byakuya purred and then he made a sound like a pathetic tiger impersonator. This... This just drew that last straw from Kira's brain and she leapt straight out the window to her left, through the blinds, rolled down the hill, and then managed to land by Kenpachi who was walking by. He blinked at her a few times, then picked her up and carried her off toward seventh squad. He was a little confused that afternoon, because he had never known Kara to be so hungry she'd eat her work...

* * *

"Hey... Nanao? I've got a question for you old friend...." Kira was once again entering an office, only this time it was with a lot more caution. She had not been too greatly appreciated in seventh squad, except that Komamura still liked her! But that was probably only because she used to watch wildlife programmes alongside him and Kara. But in eighth squad the mood was much more lax and bored. Kira liked this squad, she always had someone nice to talk to here, and Shunsui never bothered her too much, although sometimes he would slap her backside. More then anyone else in the Sereitei, apart from Kara, Kira Megami trusted Nanao the best. They were good friends and always joking about men and how in the real world Kira had always been told by her female friends that if she were a guy they'd all "do" her. But today Nanao seemed a little more caught-off-guard then usual.

"You've finally come to say it, haven't you? My dear one?" Nanao's face turned red and she seemed to speak as though a nervous young bride. Something about her innocent look and half-tear eyes seemed to echo a warning in Kira's mind. But Kira was more concerned that her friend was upset and she approached with a sympathetic pat to the shoulder. This seemed to make Nanao almost flutter in delight and she gave a gasp as if she had been really sensitive on the shoulder. But Kira was used to Nanao being like that, it was just her manner.

"Yeah... Is your boss in?" Kira looked about nervously, the captain had a tendency to catch her off guard and pinch her bottom. But her look was almost one of complete seriousness, her mind too fragile at that moment to handle such contact with men. But she knew at least Nanao would never turn against her and was always going to listen to her, she always had done before. But something in Kira's manner made something in Nanao's snap, and Kira got the shock of her life!

"NO! He's not! Please, don't worry about a heroic rescue, just liberate me on the desk!" Nanao bleated nervously. She suddenly gripped Kira in a tight embrace, pushing their reasonably ample bosoms against each other and making Kira's eyes widen. Something sharp and sleek sparkled in Nanao's normally cold eyes, something of passion and restrained fury. Kira's mind went over her words carefully as Nanao seemed to press her face closer and almost kiss Kira, her gentle and petite arms looping around Kira's neat corseted waist. Kira's mind grasped the word liberate, strapping it to the rebellion like a damsel to a train-track.

"Ummm... I thought you didn't believe I was with the rebellion?" Kira muttered softly and then she almost screamed. A drop of sweat had beaded from her forehead and Nanao's tongue had suddenly appeared to lick it off. Kira recoiled, but was held tight. Nanao was a lot stronger then a lot of people tended to assume, and Kira was quite scared. She was suddenly being slammed against the paperwork on the desk. Paper flew off in an untidy scatter that seemed to tweak Nanao back into slight restraint, if only to answer the question.

"I know you aren't. You would never stoop to holding up with a bunch of sick-twisted men! But I know with us it's love!" Nanao whispered in an almost seductive tone as a hand was removed from Kira's writhing body to stroke her curious mix-coloured hair. Kira's face was suddenly pallid with fear and she tried harder to recoil. This seemed to make Nanao a little anxious, what could be wrong? But then she leaned closer and began probe Kira's robes with her hands to find out what was probably digging into her back!

"Really creepy... AGH!" Kira muttered with horror as she felt a hand far too close to her bra-strap. Goose-pimples rose all down her body and Nanao began to stroke a shoulder blade just to feel them rise and harden with the fear.

"Just embrace me with your luscious lips!" Nanao barked suddenly and she pulled Kira up to slam her against a wall. Kira gave out a shriek of horror and began to scrabble to get away from the approaching lips. But salvation echoed in the form of a perverted bearded captain and a coughing meek one. This made Nanao pause, with just as much shock as the two pressed their heads around the door frame and stared blankly at the scene.

"Oh... My... God.... I need to lie down and think about this!" Shunsui voiced nervously. His eyes were wider then soup-bowls and his hands seemed to be fighting the urge to slip into his trouser pockets and grab onto the doorway to stop himself from fainting. He could not believe his eyes, or his luck! Two beautiful women pressed together in his place? One of them being his gorgeous Nanao? How much better could it get?

"Are you? I mean, are you busy Kira?" Ukitake was less impressed and seemingly more afraid. He was looking a little healthier today and had been visiting his old pal for a nice gentle drink and hoping to go for a walk later. The silver-haired and friendly guy was always keen to talk to Kira, he had a strange fondness for her. Kira had a strange fondness for him but was currently trying to fight Nanao's grip as the harlot in glasses froze with terror at the sight of her captain.

"Help me Captain Ukitake! Please? She's trying to make me liberate her! I think she might kill me!" Kira squeaked meekly as Nanao suddenly pressed her into the wall again but then the strange lieutenant's hand released her, and Nanao was suddenly blushing with embarrassment. Kira was then struggling to regain her breath after the force of Nanao's seemingly dainty fingers. But she noted how retched and sad the other woman looked, so she swiftly tried to make an excuse. "I'm sure she was just testing my loyalties but it was very threatening of her!"

"Nanao... Might I suggest you two do that in my quarters, it's more private there and I don't make too much noise when I watch!" Shunsui had begun. At first Nanao was smiling a little reluctantly, but she was truly thankful that Kira had saved her from a potentially embarrassing situation. However, the ever annoying sound of Captain Kyoraku's voice was to snap her back to her senses and sh suddenly kicked out with a snort of disgust!

"You're more disgusting then Gin!" She growled bitterly; all thoughts of 'liberating' antics quelled by the perverted notions of a bearded weirdo. The two eighth squad members soon became consumed in their own little arguments as the moment of passion was forgotten and Kira was free to gasp her relief.

"Thanks..." She gasped to Ukitake, and she could have sworn he'd blushed at it.

"Come on Kira, let's go for a walk why don't we? I heard you've been a little unsure of what people have been saying about your 'involvement' recently." Jushiro muttered sweetly and gently toward her as he ignored his best friend getting hit in the head with a rolled up newspaper. For a brief little moment, his eyes stayed looking at Kira and she suddenly felt a little exposed.

* * *

There was something wholly new and wonderful about being beside Ukitake on one of his healthy days, and for once that day Kira was quite happy. Even the somewhat upsetting visit to squad twelve had not been too bad with him there. Squad ten had been a descent into the madness of a stubborn child that did not like Kira sharing alcohol with Rangiku at their office, but she'd been pledged their support. As for Mayuri, he had agreed at first but then threatened to poison her water if she ever did turn, which was not reassuring in the least.

Now they were pacing around the gardens, happy and carefree. There was no sorrow in her heart of even a thought except how lovely Ukitake's gardens were. The Captain had been speaking about how well he'd kept them for a short time, but he had soon fallen silent as they had peered at his small red-rose bush and the little bed of forget-me-nots he had taken so much care to arrange correctly. after-all, when you're ill and stuck staring out of the widows most of the day, you want to see something beautiful don't you?

"Wow, I never knew there were roses in your garden! I'm so happy to see some after such a long time from home. Kara would be happy too, she likes flowers but Kenpachi doesn't understand this and just shows her battlefields when they go for walks..." Kira had begun cheerfully as she looked toward the beautiful flowers. Seeing her eyes sparkle, but a little worried about her words, Jushiro swiftly cut one flower from the bush and pulled off its thorns carefully before placing it in her hands. Kira blushed visibly, Ukitake was just so kind!

"You are a very caring friend, always thinking of Kara! Does she do the same with you?" Ukitake questioned with a slight irritation as he pricked his finger. He quickly pressed it in his mouth and began to lick the blood before removing it at shaking his hand a little to relieve the stinging sensation. But he looked toward Kira, who seemed a little sorrowful at his question.

"Oh yeah, though somewhat grudgingly! But since Kenpachi decided he liked her, things kinda got a little lonely. We don't work side-by-side anymore so that also means I can't help! But she always tel me what might be a god idea or not. I always listen though, somehow even when I argue with her and yell she always seems to make the situation right again!" Kira sighed pitifully and she looked out toward the blue sky as it began to dim into evening purple. She should be heading back soon, otherwise there would be dire consequences, and she felt saddened by it. But she never stopped Kara from wandering off to 11th Squad in the middle of the night so why should she have a set curfew?

"That's a little strict. It's not like she's your boss anyway now. Why don't you just choose something for yourself without consulting her? You could be a full captain now you know?" Jushiro muttered softly. Kira gulped and blushed visibly, she'd been talking her thoughts once more. But Ukitake just seemed to smiling softly at her. Something about her caring nature and gentile innocence was so delightful and fresh to him. he just shrugged his shoulders gently. "There's nothing to stop you from out-ranking here."

"You mean... Out-rank her?" Kira's eyes lit up with a menacing keenness that sparkled as something different to Jushiro.

"Well..." Jushiro chuckled and the gently took one of the little blue flowers from its tray. Megami was distracted by this sudden change of interest an she was dumbfounded by what happened next. Without resistance or distraction, not even with nerves, Jushiro Ukitake placed the little blue flower amongst the strands of blonde and red-streaked hair upon her head. Somehow to him it made her seem somewhat more innocent then ever, and he lent close to her. "That's a better thought for you to concern yourself with. Ignore what the people you don't care about think of you, and think of yourself for once."

"Why... Captain Ukitake..." Kira muttered sweetly, blushing bright read as he stepped even closer to her.

"Please call me Jushiro... Or Shiro..."

"Uh... Jushiro!" Kira have whispered as they both leaned their faces together, Shiro bending slightly to reach her with his eyes holding a much more determined and possibly even seductive glint that Kira had never seen there before. Suddenly she felt completely over-swept by passion, as if she were about to give everything to the only man she loved...

"CAPTAIN UKITAKE! You're needed right now!" Kiyone barked as she appeared from nowhere to spoil the moment.

"Very well, see you later, Captain Megami." With that, Jushiro planted a soft and gentle kiss on Kira's cheek and she could have fainted right there and then. Her body froze as if she had just had an epiphany! But it was short-lived as Jushiro walked away with Sentaro and Kiyone glared up at her. Ah, Kiyone was one of few people in the Sereitei shorter then Kira, and she was glad of it.

"Keep your Gin-soaked paws away from my Captain, Chimera! If you get any closer, you'll be facing me... Starlet!" She snorted angrily before bouncing after her captain and starting and argument with the other 'lieutenant'. For a moment Kira did not react, and indeed even as she spoke her body remained stupefied as she held the flower tightly in her fingers and watched them go.

"Bitch."

* * *

"So... For the sake of it... Say I dyed my hair a spring green shade, do you think Kenny would appreciate it? I mean he keeps calling me Queen of the Enchanted Forest and all... Or do you think h wouldn't recognize me at all, Miyuki?" Kara questioned one of her subordinates as she helped Kara remove the remnant of paperwork from the wheelbarrow into the safe.

"I still can't believe that he was dumped outside a Gay branch of the YMCA as a child... Hence for a straight guy he's not homophobic but is very touchy about being touched in a non-violent manner. Then that he murdered them at five and ran away into the woods where he was adopted by a very tolerable and keen family of Eurasian Badgers. then that these badgers taught him to be very aggressive... to rub his scent glands against anything he owns, to drag your girlfriend around by the scruff of the neck, chase squirrels, eat worms, and build elaborate tunnels with dead-end traps to trick terriers. That's just weird."

"This IS squad eleven we're talking about remember..."

"Is that why he hates Mayuri? The black and white paint sort of make him think of a rival badger? After-all, badgers are territorial..."

"Yes... Yes, maybe it does...."

* * *

Still wandering in a swim of swooning ecstasy at receiving a kiss from Jushiro, Kira headed home. At least, she headed toward the beckoning call of her play station at Kara's house. She couldn't wait to boast, nor to tell Kara how she might one day out-rank her,, but then she was distracted. From out of nowhere there was a single pringles crisp staring up at her. Quickly she picked it up and nibbled it with delight. Then she stepped forward a little, finding another one! In fact, their was a whole trail of them leading to an old isolated hut that was once Gin's and listed for demolition by 11th Squad (in other words there was a large picture of a hollow painted onto it). the trail led inside, and Kira went in obediently, only to shriek in surprise.

"AGH! GIN! AIZEN! And..." A small match had been lit in front of Kira's face as she struggled in the arms of Tousen's blind embrace. Gin was trying to find the candle as Aizen stared nervously toward the slowly retreating flame. This had distracted Kira's cries, if only because she could see Persona 10 sitting in Aizen's coat pocket, ignoring the fact he was strictly wearing a strange white series of clothing that made it look like he was some super-villain.

"OUCH! Damn it Gin, now it's all gone dark and I've burnt my judging finger!" Aizen snorted in the darkness, only to recoil in horror as Gin's Cheshire-cat smile still remained visible even in pitch-black. Gin just made a slight muttering sound of apology as he tried to locate more matches in his pockets. But even as he lit a new candle, Aizen decided to go along with the plan. "Okay; my dear Kira, we've lured you here to offer you the chance to become Queen of my new society in Hueco Mundo! You will be treated with the utmost respect and allowed to do whatever you please...."

"I'd out-rank Kara? Hmmm... Tempting..." Kira muttered softly. She had simply butted her elbow back and made Tousen gasp and release her. Now he was turning around, blind as ever, trying to capture the air. As Gin lit a candle he was suddenly grabbed by Tousen and shrieked like a little girl. He dropped the candle onto Aizen's coat and suddenly only Aizen's coat was visible again.

"Damn it GIN!" Aizen growled as he put-out his jacket and managed to knock some stuff over in the shed. The shed was very cramped, so it was hard for him not to bump into everyone else, so he quickly opened the shed door and explained the rest as Kira clapped her hands in amusement. "We'll give you all the Pringles you can eat and we'll even throw in a Moo-Choo or two! Plus.... There's more Persona where this came from!"

"Then yes!" Kira barked happily without thought as she grabbed hold of the game and began to skip away. She was completely oblivious to the question of how they had got there in the first place. But she ignored the smile as she departed and merely overheard the number six in relation to a time being thrown out at her from them. All thought was upon the game at hand instead!


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five: KIDNAPPED Willingly! **

_**Author's Note: **__For Maximum affect, though this is just what I did, listen to Das B__ö__se by E Nomine to get the feel I have of Hueco Mundo... Then listen to the Benny Hill Theme and you've got the place to a T._

**11:30 am, Las Noches – Hueco Mundo**

A great stone throne sits alone in the darkness of a white-pillared castle, silent and unmoved or marked by the king who sits here. All is quiet save the low guttural noises of the beasts that move around Hueco Mundo, fearless and uncaring for one another. No shadows flicker or dance in a world with barely any sunlight, and always the moon hangs on one side of the land as a large baleful eye. The forest of Menos Gillian stand patient together, silent as always as they await a command from their ruler. Within the halls of Las Noches, only one room contains the warm wooden charms of the life the three traitors had left behind them. This room is the kitchen and the dining room for the Espada, but currently it is not vast like the sandy desert outside but rather smothered and crammed with rubbish.

"If we were back home, I'd have Izuru doing the cleaning already whilst I sat on my relaxing chair and flicked through the television channels. But instead here I am, wearing a bright pink apron, frilly pink rubber gloves, and a bonnet over my hair. How times change?" Gin mused pitifully as he stood beside the kitchen counters, trying hard to scrub several weeks of matted grime off the fine marble. The kitchen fitting would have cost them an arm and a leg when it was done, but thankfully that price was only paid by the installers as they encountered the hollows for themselves. But though Gin seemed upset in his speech from his work, the others present simply blinked at him with confusion.

"But... You put that on yourself?" Tousen questioned the microwave as it continued to turn for no reason and blast him with low level microwaves, which would probably only make him blinder. This point was ignored by Gin, though he did giggle girlishly and start scuttling around the kitchen with a feather-duster on his tip-toes. No one bothered to re-direct the blind man of course, no one apart from some emo-looking midget seemed to even care much about him. But even then, the emo did not care about anything except trying to make the Toaster purposefully burn his Pop-Tarts black.

There was barely any room to move in Las Noches anymore; apart from this room, the throne room, and the computer room (where they had left their snazzy looking suits), the rest of the stone fortress was filled up with rubbish, garbage, trash, and overall "crap", from the need to only use the kitchen at breakfast time to cook and instead get take-out for everything else they wanted. But since Stark's room had been blocked up, and he had refused to abandon his piles of M&Ms, "Stark's House of Ribs", was no longer open for them to order Hollow Food from; and so they had been sending the Arrancar out to get Pizzas and other Fast Foods... Luckily though no one in the Sereitei had noticed.

"Hey Grimmjow! Stop mucking about with those pies you made last night and sew up the holes in my coat that YOU made! You little Kitty!" A very tall, eye-patch wearing, buck-toothed, Espada barked at the blue-haired one with half a jaw attached to the right side of his face. Nnoitora picked up a ragged piece of cloth that he had previously been wearing as a shirt and threw it across the table at his "brother" with a snort of laughter, which was echoed by some of the other Espada.

"Do it yourself, Rickets! I'm making the pies so that we can all eat them for breakfast you douche! Plus I don't give a rat-ass about sewing your crap! Get Halibel to do it! She's a girl who knows how to make cool outfits after-all!" Grimmjow growled as the cloth almost landed onto his rather dis-coloured pie, which was probably made of hollows anyway. As he threw it aside to the ONLY woman at the table, Nnoitora suddenly seemed to have an epileptic fit at the mention of a "woman". This annoyed Halibel, and she threw the garment randomly across the table.

"For goodness sake! I wanted to sit down with my family and have a nice rest before our guest arrives! When she's here, all these problems will be sorted, but we have to prepare her room still! I don't want her to arrive and see how dysfunctional we are! She needs to know she's entering into the role of 'Mother of the Arrancar' for my sake!" Aizen mewed pitifully as the garment landed in his cup of tea. Everyone paused with a slight look of horror, what was he going to do now? But instead Aizen just looked toward a slightly effeminate looking Espada with pink hair and hollow bone that formed a pair of spectacles on his face. "I thought you said you'd managed to bargain with the Gillian so that they would take all the trash to the dump! Surely there's some way we can get them to do this stuff, Apollo?"

"I tried, but I don't speak Gillian. Occasionally there's a phrase they use which is audible, but it just sounds like 'Steve', or 'Alan', or 'Slipknot', or 'Pot'! I do not understand any of that. The only thing I understand is when they say 'Rave' and suddenly shove a glow-stick necklace around you and start dancing. You're the imperial one, surely they do what you say?" Apollo growled with annoyance, and then he ducked as Aizen's cold hands reached out toward him. What was going to happen? Once again, Aizen merely did nothing more then pat his shoulder and give him a pitiful look.

"Then I think you should just give them an old Pot or something and tell them there's loads in the trash piles if they'd sort 'em out. That can't be too difficult, can it? Anyway, where on earth and who on earth are we getting this chick from? I mean, where's mummy to be picked up at?" The emo scoffed slightly at his fellows. Sometimes he thought he was the only one present with a brain, but he was never going to say that in front of Aizen, after-all he was a loyal kiss-ass, not an impetuous nuisance like Grimmjow or Nnoitora!

"Her name is Kira Megami, and she's going to be expecting you this evening at the address of my previous Lieutenant, Kara Thalion's house. You'll have to go in disguise and trick Kara... She's not on our side after-all! Plus you need to get Kira and her stuff or she'll just complain again. Now, **Ulquiorra**, I want you, Halibel, Apollo, Nnoitora, and Grimmjow to go and fetch her!" Aizen smiled happily, and the others gave groans and nods. Except of course of Grimmjow, he simply ducked down under the table and began to growl his annoyance.

"But that's were Real Mummy lives! We won't be able to disguise ourselves against her! She'll go mad and either treat us like babies or string us up in the meat-house she has in the back garden!" Grimmjow began to mew pitifully and this earned him a few kicks under the table from Nnoitora. But even Aizen seemed to ponder this idea carefully for a brief moment.

"Then you should all go inside the body of a dead Beluga whale. She'll be too confused to understand what's going on!" Aizen snorted gently and nodded his head wisely. He then turned aside from his bowl of Holl-O's cereal and began to itch his chin again in thought. This prevented him from noticing the looks of sheer horror and annoyance on the faces of his Espada. Only Gin came up with a secondary plan.

"I could always ring Chuck Norris and he could steal her away for us! He's super strong and amazing!" Gin fluttered cheerfully and for a moment, as he skipped about the room in delight, everyone stared at him in confusion. Then Tousen waddled over toward a pile of rubbish that had been shaped into the form of Aizen as a sort of trash-man by Gin earlier that week. He leant toward where it's ear should be, putting his face in rubbish and making the others feel slightly sick as he pulled his head aside to show a few needles stabbed into his face.

"Aizen-sama. I'm confused, but why does Gin have Chuck Norris's phone-number?"

* * *

**12:30 am, Fifth Squad Barracks, Sereitei **

The mood as they stepped into the fifth squad barracks was sullen and sad. Kira, Kara, and the squad had all been to dressed in black, but more then usual, and it had been a nice funeral. Much to their sorrow, one of their number had been killed after the situation with Aizen after finding booby-traps all around the office, and the funeral had just past. The squad members would have the rest of the day off, Kara had promised, but there were still papers to sort and this was done in silence and respect. The only question being why vice-captain-lieutenant of 3rd squad had been there. But as the squad members filled out after the work, musing at how Kira seemed like Kara's puppet, the good feel of respect and calm was rudely interrupted.

The sudden sorrowful and respectful feel in Kara's office was removed as Captain Kyôraku came slinking nearby and invaded the space. At first he lowered his head with some respect, but then he grinned mischievously at Kara, who was filling out the forms with her glasses on. He also noted that Kira was sitting on the edge of the table looking cute astride the hard-worker. He could recall the incident with Nanao quite well and he was a little curious.

"Wearing glasses? Hmmm... Trying to help Kira practice seducing Nanao? Can I watch?" Shunsui questioned with puppy dog eyes. He could not remember why he'd come now, but was quickly shooed off, with some very heavy shoes as well.

"God-dear! I think I'll stick to wearing this corset only when I have to wear dresses. I seem to be attracting chaos!" Kara growled as she heard Hisagi cleaning the office windows, only this time with an actual sponge. This made Kira glare at her, something very common when bosoms were mentioned. Though Kira was very good looking with good-sized boobs, Kara's breasts were slightly bigger, and though they irritated Kara, Kira thought of them as challenging!

"So, I'm not attracting the men? Huh? Is that it? I'm ugly am I?" Kira mewing pitifully with sorrowful eyes. Kara just blinked with confusion as she looked to the new arrivals in the office. Her first thought was to slap Kira and make her turn so she would not be embarrassed; but Ukitake got a word in first.

"I always thought you were very pretty." Ukitake coughed gently and then itched the back of his head nervously. Kira's face went as white as a petrified sheep and she gave a little mewling sound of horror. But Ukitake soon chuckled gently to change the subject. "I came to take you around the gardens of the Sereitei, again. Is that alright, Captain Thalion?"

"YES!" Kira barked with a manic expression on her face as she grabbed Kara's collar. Kara just blinked nervously, rolled her eyes, and then nodded her head, swatting a hand to the side to encourage Kira to move. Kira was quick to leap off with her favourite captain, who seemed just as eager to walk with her. Kara wasn't bothered, unlike some captains around here Ukitake was not as obvious a roving pervert; and Ukitake had a tendency to think of Kara as one of his family, which led to the other problem.

"For the love of Pete! Why can't you just figure it out yourself? I'm not the Sereitei's bleeding nanny, for Christ's sake!" Kara growled and kicked her pile of papers over whilst rocking back in her chair. At this, the creature Ukitake left behind began to get watery eyes and look as pathetic as Kara assumed her to be. This being was Rukia Kuchiki, and she was holding up a carton of Tropic Juice drink expectantly toward one of the only people who knew how to open them. Her pathetic expression forced Kara to comply, she was in a broody state at that moment, and the only way to prevent a show of weakness at such a stage was to act out aggressively. But she couldn't stand seeing idiots crying over some so simple and stupid, let alone if she saw and unhappy child. "There we go, it's just a twist top so you don't need to worry about straws either."

That done, Rukia left and Kara picked up her messed up paperwork. Kara did not like the Kuchiki's at all! Byakuya seemed to think of her as an insane psychopath who wanted to take over, rather then live out a normal undead life; but to be fair he was half-right. Quite frankly, Kara thought of Byakuya as a stuck up prick with an inherited stick up his backside. On the other hand, she thought Rukia was just totally pathetic and on the edge of becoming an "emo". Kara couldn't stand emos, they were the cause for one of her favourite dogs to be killed in a car accident; all because her emo-dog-walker had met up with friends and holding onto the lead of a Rottweiler didn't seem like a emo statement. But Rukia seemed to think that Kara was the mother she never had, just like Renji did, and like Yachiru did, and surprisingly just like Soi Fonn did too.

"Kara... Flowers... For... You!" The office door was smashed in half completely as Kenpachi's left foot entered before the rest of him. His voice seemed strained, almost forced, as his arm came through the rest of the door and offered a smashed up bunch of stems and daisies to Kara. As the rest of Kenpachi came through the door, Kara stood a little nervously at her desk before smiling sweetly and taking the flowers from him. She kissed his hand, which had a splinter or two; but Kenny seemed to shake with some unspent rage or desire, and Kara was unsure.

"They're mangled, but its the thought that counts and I know you're not much of a thinker. What's up Kenpachi Zaraki?" She questioned slyly as she used an old glass, marked 'Aizen's', filled it with water and placed the stems in it.

"Wanted... To Be... More... ROMANTIC!" He snarled through gritted teeth; a forced inane smashed into his face and his uncovered eye rolling at the ceiling.

"Alright then," Kara cleared her throat and stood in front of him with a straight back and her arms folded firmly. Her eyebrows narrowed and her tone became one of authority. "Captain Zaraki, what is your purpose here with flowers?"

Captain Zaraki's face seemed to cringe slightly and he suddenly sagged forward. He gave a deep sigh of relief and looked down. This helped Kara breathe with a little more relief, but then Kenny lifted his head, moving a hand to his eye-patch and grinning maliciously.

"Baaaaaaaaby?"

"Damn you badger-Induced instincts!" Kara screamed, and the fifth squad barracks exploded in a beam of yellow light.

*** * * **

Kira and Jushiro skipped hand-in-hand around the main gardens of the Sereitei. Amongst the beautiful blossom trees and the constant rainbow flowers, the second squad stealth division watched the pair still. They seemed eager to make the mood more romantic and were finding benches about for the pair to sit on and stare at the beauty. They were even tripping Kira up from time to time so she landed in Ukitake's gentle embrace and both blushed. They were now sitting opposite each other on a bench, watching the koi jump and dance in the waters of the pond.

"Smell this, it's positively delightful!" Ukitake smiled as he pulled a young flower from the open hands of a stealth member, blissfully blocking them from his mind. Stalkers around Ukitake were common, and he tended not to notice unless they tried to kill him. He passed the flower to Kira after gently sniffing it, and she sniffed it eagerly and sweetly with a gentle sigh of delight. Just as she did so, a bee emerged and hovered in her face. As both of their eyes focused on this point, the two seemingly respectful beings screamed in horror!

"I'm deadly allergic!" They both squealed and ran about for a few minutes. Then finally, Ukitake grabbed the hilt of his sword and squished the bug into the bench. This made Kira freeze and then look up to him with dewy eyes. She couldn't believe that another person that was deadly allergic, had killed a bee for her. Sure, Kara murdered spiders and mosquitoes, and Kenpachi had been in a very serious battle with a hive of wasps to help out; no one would consider murdering a weak little bee that probably would not have stung her at all!

"My hero!" She swooned and Ukitake held her in his arms. He drew her in quite close to his feeble chest and he sighed deeply as her arms snaked around him. He tilted her chin with a gentle nudge so she would look up at him, and they smiled sweetly. Their eyes locked again, blushing but not caring; passion beginning to boil within them both. Kira's lips trembled and felt like they were vibrating with eagerness. She wanted to bite her lower lip to calm it, especially in case Ukitake did not want the kiss. But Ukitake seemed just as keen and he craned his neck, closed his eyes, and opened his mouth as his bottom lip gently touched the corners of her own, aligning itself for the best first kiss that Kira could ever wish for!

"That's it! Now, gently insert you tongue above hers, try not to giggle, and then slowly caress her tonsils. Try very carefully not to poke too far back so she doesn't vomit on you!" Shunsui called down their ears through a megaphone. For a second the pair freeze, an inch from the union of their lips, and their eyes widened in horror. But then Kira ran, and Ukitake swore.

"I told you Shunsui! I don't need your kissing advice on every date! Why do you think my last girlfriend put that restraining order on you?" Ukitake growled.

*** * * **

Kira was very upset. She had run out of the gardens and made it back toward the shed. She had run so fast that her usual followers could not have tracked her, and she was angry. As she ran she swore and cursed the Sereitei.

"All I want is to be in charge! To be the most desired! To be loved by everyone and not looked on as a traitor or as Kara's servant! I'm better then Kara! I'm better then all the captains here! I'm better then Yamamoto! I'm... I'm... I'm being swallowed by a dead Beluga whale? Argh!" That said, a white whale on eight legs appeared and long evil hands scooped her up and pulled her into the mouth. All was dark as something that smelt of really bad feet was pressed to her nose and she passed out!

"Grimmjow..." Said a one-eyed shape in the darkness of the carcass. "Where did you get my lucky socks from?"

"What? These crap-smelling things are yours? Jeez... I mean, Aizen, go see a doctor Nnoitora!"

"Shut up, morons! There's a Soul Reaper coming this way." The emo king said sullenly as each froze and a soul reaper came over. This was Nobou Himiko, a very smart and young member of first squad. He was dark-haired, dark-skinned, and was considered amongst the top twenty best-looking men in the Soul Society. He was so charming many people couldn't lie to him; so when he spotted the whale, the hidden Espada feared he would sound the alarm. But the reason he made for the whale's presence was truly startling.

"Ah... A Beluga whale? Ah, I am high on Crack so I'll take this as red."

*** * * **

Kara sat at the desk and shuffled some papers together, carefully keeping them straight as she applied the stapler. After putting them together she opened the top drawer and put the papers in. The papers fell through the hole in the drawer, which Kara had used to protect her from a grabbing hand, and landed on the rubble-filled floor. The barracks was half destroyed but Kenpachi was indisposed and not eager to procreate just yet. Mayuri had saved Kara's bacon by turning up and asking her to try out his new sprinkler system. During times when Kenpachi's badger-mating instincts were present and Kara was "in season", this had reverted to a phallic statement involving Mayuri trying to procreate with Kenpachi's woman. Therefore, Mayuri was now in a tree with squirrels and Kenpachi was trying to head-butt the tree down. The office though was still in a mess.

With a blink, she shuffled the next pile of paperwork and hole-punched them. Then she sighed softly, and continued the work without regard for her missing companion, or building.

*** * ***

**3:30 pm, Las Noches, Hueco Mundo**

Her eyes opened, and what they saw urged a scream to erupt from Kira's mouth. She could only see a pair of seemingly fake-tanned breasts protruding in her face. Her head was being moved by gently, womanly hands, and the rest of this woman had straddled her. Not only that, but Kira's soul-reaper uniform had been switched with what seemed like a white corset and a white long-skirt with a great big split down both sides that was highlighted by a black rim. It was kind of cool, but the woman had noticed her screaming and suddenly their faces were locked. The eyes of this woman with short blonde hair seemed unconcerned, but the rest of her expression was hidden by a high neck on her top. Kira's remained wild-eyed with fear!

"Don't worry, I wouldn't hurt you! I'll be as gentle as you like! I think you're the most beautiful woman here!" The being smiled happily, at least, that's what Kira assumed. With a few blinks Kira turned her head to the side, realising she'd been placed lying on top of a very big white table in a darkened room, the only light being from a little candle above her head. "Do you like it? I thought it would be romantic? I'm Halibel by the way,; you're really cute!"

"That's much less reassuring then I would hope! Can you get off me please?" Kira murmured nervously, the feeling only returning to her hands now that her head was not swimming in a sea of putrid sock-smells! To think, she'd accused Yumichika of having smell sandals, now she realised is urea coated (to help remove crusty skin) feet were roses compared of un-bothered teenage hormone filled jock.

A doorway opened nearby, and the blackness of the hallway was suddenly filled with pale light. The light slid in like a laser-scope from a sniper rifle, and Kira was nervous. She'd suddenly remembered that she'd been arranged to become queen of Hueco Mundo, but now she was unsure if she'd signed the contract in her sleep or not! But luckily the approaching group of twelve beings paused enough to let Kira eye them over. She didn't want to know who'd changed her clothes though!

The menagerie of eyes blinked with confusion, and Halibel grinned. Then slowly, Halibel removed herself and made a few babbling excuses of making her bra more comfortable, although Kira had noticed her bra was missing. But who wore a bra under a corset?

"My dearest, I'm terribly sorry for this brush treatment!" Aizen squealed in delight like a schoolgirl seeing her hero. He shuffled over at great speed, his arms wide open as he gripped Kira in a hug. For some reason, Kira could not move her limbs much, but it didn't matter. For once she was surprised that the weird fellow was not eager to grope her, but instead held her in a tight loving embrace. He pressed his cheek to her bare should and she could feel a cool tear fall onto it. This was weird, but she felt treasured.

"Hello Kira, is Kara well?" Tousen questioned as he walked right past the desk and began to talk to the throne, obviously stuck in routine. The other members pressed closer, eager to see their new queen and Kira was suddenly very excited, until Gin, her former captain, stepped over.

"I sniffed your hair while you were unconscious!" Gin whispered excitedly in her ears, and Kira shuddered in horror. With a little sound of confusion she thanked him nervously, but Aizen shooed him off before hugging her again and then stepping away.

"Why do we have to have a woman in charge?" The snorted came from a very tall man with only one eye and what looked like a spoon attached to his back. This made Kira blink slowly in confusion. She was ignoring his chauvinistic tone because now there was a giant weird looking dude hovering over with the scariest grin she'd ever seen. This being, was Yammy.

"She's going to be mummy, dumb ass!" Yammy grinned and pushed Nnoitora away from him. He then leant in, requesting a hug and Kira reciprocated, remembering how Kara's baby had loved it. But then she jumped in surprise as the emo king appeared next to her and rushed out his words like a lovestruck asthmatic.

"I like the darkness, it's lonely there." Ulquiorra muttered nervously as he stepped in. Then he stepped back, his head down and his hands in his pockets. He stepped beside what looked like an old scarred man with a conch shell stuck to his head. This being, Baragan, made only one sound before sticking his head into a jug.

"Water!" This made Grimmjow snort in annoyance. He shoved his hands in his pockets and slouched as he looked away from Kira, trying not to attract attention. But Kira was sharper in mind now, waking up fully and suddenly realising everything at once!

"Look, I'm really confused now... But I'm dead sure you're little Grimmjow! Yea! I'd be an idiot not to recognise the little Puss-In-Boots that Kara spawned in a night of idiocy with her arch-enemy!" Kira snorted and began to giggle and Grimmjow grabbed a marker pen from the emo and scribbled a black moustache on his face. He snorted at her and then looked confused!

"Nope, I'm not Grimmjow! You're mistaken! I'm Shawgrim Puma! Wait... What? My mummy didn't want me? Arch-enemy?" Grimmjow's face began to curl up into tears and he suddenly tried to rush off. But Nnoitora grabbed the tail of his jacket and just continued to laugh as Grimmy protested.

"Blop! Blooble!" Came the noise of the two floating golf-balls. They looked revolting, and Kira found herself just grinning meekly at them.

"Can I go back to my M&M's now?" Came Stark's low whine as he tried to shuffle back to his own room. He didn't care whatever happened around him, it never bothered his M&M supply or his House of Ribs, just as much as it didn't bother Halibel's Whore House.

"Oh My God!" Kira squeaked and she ran over to him with amazing speed and poked him in the face. "You like Kara's little brother! He used to be a businessmen with a lucrative side-business of selling drugs as well as his illegal Chinchilla farm!"

"Okay... She's scary, can you get out of my face so I can go back to the beanbags?" Stark whined and Aizen shook his head in annoyance, but then Kira was distracted. She had suddenly been jumped by a very skinny, tall, feminine, glasses wearing being with bright pink hair. Her reaction startled her new friend however.

"Wait a minute... Who are.. Rachel? Pink hair? You grew a penis and lost your boobs?" Kira's face suddenly became filled with excitement and delight. Had her dearest friend from her high school days suddenly become part of the Hollow World?

"My name is Apollo Syzael Grantz, thank you. But I'm glad you've noticed I'm masculine at least!" Apollo chuckled sweetly as he flicked his pink hair, but then, once more, Kira was distracted.

"I'm gonna need more weed for this thing!" Said a strange man, whom from that moment forward was dubbed the Pumpkin King, and hated it. At her new name for him, the Z-Man, wandered back to his room despite the meeting to go and smoke.

"Wait now... Drugs are legal here?" Kira questioned as everyone began to file out or into place. Kira looked at Aizen who sighed deeply and then shook his head.

"Yes, but only thanks to the deals with the Menos! We managed to convince them to take our garbage for some!" He sighed again and then clapped his hands so a giant Gillian emerged to come and do some more cleaning after trying to replace to light bulb in the main meeting hall. This being trapped Kira's interest and Aizen continued. "Here's one of their main fellows, the only one to have a name. That right?"

"Rargh..." The Menos complied, but then he looked at Kira, and something ancient inside of him began to throb and cheer at the sight of his dearest little human.

"Steve? It can't be! Steve my old invisible friend! I love you man! What's with the holes in your nose, the sunglasses, and that funky smell around you?" Kira mused with wide eyes of joy and happiness. The Menos stretched out his hand and pulled her up to his eye line at the end of his nose. The two hugged and the crowd below felt like fainting.

"Rargh! Argh! SHREE! NAGH! ARGH!" The Gillian began in explanation of his exploits since their last meeting caused by drug-therapy as prescribed by her doctors.

"Go on..." Kira mused as she listened to the mix of grumbles and screeching sounds of the giant Gillian. To the surprise of the Espada, she was translating perfectly and both spoke as if they really had known each other for a long time, at least, that was the general impression. After a few blinks Aizen flicked his hands for his elite to finish off their job.

*** * * **

**9:29 pm, Kara Thalion's Private House, Sereitei **

Ding-Dong, Kara sneered. She had not wanted company this evening, her mind was focused on not watching anything about romance and rather watching information programs on war and animals to prevent the broodiness from rising. She had been forced to lock Yachiru in Ikkaku and Yumichika's care, much to their hatred, and Kenpachi had been busy for once. Kara had a headache, she was angry, and she didn't know why Kira was late. She couldn't think Kara was still with Ukitake, Shunsui had ruined the moment and Kira was usually the kind to run to a friend rather then into a dark ominous corner. But then again, perhaps it was Kira at the door, so hesitantly in her silken nightdress, Kara answered the door.

"Pizza delivery!" The young blue-haired, brown-moustache wearing, extra jaw showing pizza delivery boy grinned nervously. Sweat was pouring off his brow and he seemed all alone with a mangy chewed up pizza box that probably had nothing in it. This was suspicious to Kara; no one got good delivery service in the Sereitei, she'd tried before! But there was something so familiar about the nervous teenager that she found her heart skipping beats with both the joy of being right and the horrific heart-break of being wrong.

"Wait... It can't be? Grimmy... Grimmjow is that you? My dear little kitten? Baby is it you?" Kara breathed worriedly through a state of confusion. She wished that Kira had returned already to help her with this moment, her mind was a muddle from trying to block out the bill of the rebuilding of fifth squad. But there was no mistaking the blue hair, the extra bit of jaw, and the nervous look in his sweet eyes.

Their eyes met for a moment, the sweat pouring off Grimmjow's head as the fingers moved. Kara's eyes wavered as tears began to build up and a crooked smile began to slowly emerge on her face. Happiness at seeing her runaway son safe-and-sound again was swimming through Kara's body and they could all see it clearly as she raised her hand to point at him and then speak her joy.

CLONK! Kara was on the floor.

"Problem solved! I like hitting women!" Nnoitora snorted with a grin, something in his body being satisfied at smacking Kara over the head with a brick. There was no blood on the outside, but the area of impact was swelling. Nnoitora ignored Halibel's dangerous look as Stark pushed passed him and tried to dig around for any M&Ms. Grimmjow however gave a howl of terror.

"Idiot! You better not have killed her!" Grimmjow growled, but the fake moustache was grabbed and the elastic stretched. When it was released, even Grimmjow fell onto the floor head over heels. Halibel rolled her eyes as she lead the others inside, ignoring the rolling eyes on Kara's face.

"Let's just get the stuff and go, but first we eat this pizza..." They joked amusedly and then they began to eat the box, unnoticed by anyone in the Sereitei. The security around this place really was lax, even though currently squad eleven were chasing after a seemingly invisible traitor.

*** * * **

**8:20 am, Kara Thalion's House, Sereitei **

"Oh God, my head!" Kara muttered after waking up finally. Her house was open and there were squad members around. Hisagi looked down at her, poking her chest with amusement, but Kara could not fight back.

"What the? First Kira disappears when being tailed by Second Squad, now Kara's house is broken into? All the TV and games are missing! The only thing here is a pizza box without any pizza in!" Hisagi snorted as he stood over Kara and looked about the seemingly bare house. It must have been a surprise attack by the invisible ninja again!

"Oh my God, they billed her for the pizza when there isn't any!" One of fifth squad bleated with terror as it leapt onto another member. The group shuddered, but then charge off swearing death and vengeance upon the pizza company that dared to attack a defenceless matriarch. They left Kara lying on the floor however without medical attention, as she clearly could not move any part of her body!

"Why... Why are you all leaving me?" She strained a hand and her neck to try and call them, but then dropped. With a groan of pain and a few blinks more she fell back to sleep, hoping that someone would come and rescue her from her agony.

Time passed and eventually someone else came in the door. Kara didn't wake up however, and really she would have preferred to. With the tree having fallen down into an open sewer and Mayuri in sludge form now on an incredible journey, Kenpachi was free to pursue his interests. He was confused that the door had been open, that Kira was not around, that Kara was not seeming to react to him. But he shrugged his shoulder and remove his robes with a soft snort and a curiously cute if not awkward grin.

"You did want a baby after-all? Well, no time like the present... And I see you're ready for me too!"


	6. Chapter 6

**Six: Menos & Men**

Kara blinked a few times, her body overcome with the sudden realisation that it was lying on a hard bed and that she was no longer in pain. The world her eyes opened to were blurred, bright, and medical smelling. With a gentle groan she blinked again and her eyes focused upon a pair of boobs in a white corset leaning toward her. In reaction to such a sight, Kara did the only thing she knew to do. She…

* * *

Screamed. Kira screamed at the top of her lungs as she saw the giant mass of games that had suddenly appeared from the stretching arms of the Menos, her present from Aizen. This was more then had been promised, and for once Kira's normally cautious side did not take hold. Instead she leapt amongst the pile, screeching in pain as a sharp corner caught her in the eye, and then feebly, with a swollen and watered up eye, she raised one of the games and squealed out to Grimmjow. Grimmjow was not looking happy at all, he had not enjoyed hitting his mother, but at least he'd managed to confiscate Cranium, his cuddly toy Komodo that Mayuri had been forced to sew for him under the pain of Kara's chainsaw up his backside. With a snort Grimmjow shrugged his shoulders and looked evilly toward the other members of the Espada.

"Sure. When you've completed it I'll gladly play a two-player with you aunty." Despite his slight guilt at bullying his mother, and the nagging emotion he'd gained from seeing her look so happy at his return, Grimmjow was considering Kira. The early morning meeting, to which she'd arrived in bunny slippers with a cup of hot chocolate, been scared by the greeting of the floating golf-balls, and subsequently poured the boiling liquid onto the Emo King, a.k.a Ulquirra's lap had been intriguing. He was wondering if, as everyone fawned over her, he might be at an advantage here. If she was Queen of Hueco Mundo, he was practically the Prince, after-all he was her FAVOURITE NEPHEW! But at the same time, he was nervous. Kira was in need of severe protecting, last night Gin had got in her huge bedroom and had been stooping near her bed like some kind of vampire.

"Excellent! I know I can rely on my favourite nephew!" Kira giggled happily as she scuttled over to him, patted his head, and then ruffled his blue hair like he was still a kid. Grimmjow could not prevent himself grinning bashfully and almost purring at her reaction. His faith in his aunty resolved, he could sense the rising of the envy in the room, though the emo had simply increased his weird depressive shield somewhat. But then someone turned up to annoy the situation some more.

"You should be letting us play the games! You're a sissy girl! You don't know anything!" Nnoitora snarled angrily at her. He was not too fond of Kira at the moment; she had yelled MANTIS at him and then commented several times that his choice of clothing made it look like he was a pixie creature with a spoon stuck to his back. Plus, being a chauvinist, he had found himself confounded that she was able to wield such dominion over everyone.

"Oh… I thought a mantis had giant slasshy things, not fingers! So sorry! No bugs allowed in my room! Only Grimmjow is permitted… And maybe Halibel…" Kira pondered, looking toward the large woman whose tan seemed almost fake. Halibel winked eagerly at her, Kira grimaced and then added. "Okay… Maybe Halibel, with permission only."

* * *

"That's right Kara. It's been all over the Soul-Society. Such a shame too. I knew she fancied Aizen, but I would not have thought he'd seduce her so well! Both Soi Fonn and Nanao were in tears at the labelling of Kira as a traitor. But that's how it is." Unohana said cheerfully, blissfully unbothered by Kara's fist tightening around her neck. To say that Kara had been annoyed to see Retsu in her underwear was stretching the boundaries of Kara's patience. Kara hated other women… Kira was like a sister, so it was different, and some of the other women were like daughters… But Unohana was too eager to join in her sexual activities and quite frankly it scared Kara. But the current news was worrying. Who had found out that Kira had been talking to Aizen? It must have been Iba!

"That's wrong! She wouldn't go willingly, she was obviously kidnapped. Now… Who brought me in again? Oh and why are Soi Fonn and Rukia trying to hand me cards saying 'Get well soon, mummy'? I'm not their mother!" Things never changed with some of the Soul Reapers. Kara gave off a motherly vibe, but she was not fond of children, except her dear Grimmy-Kitty!

"OH! It was just so sweet! Kenpachi carried you in like a hero in a film. You were wrapped in his robes and he was wearing no shirt! He said he'd been preparing to have his usual massage that you do with him every morning after his work out, and yet you didn't move. He got a little worried and took out your smelly peppermint, and when you didn't get awake he rushed you over here. Quite frankly I'd never have even considered him to be so worried. He looked ten years younger as he paced around outside the waiting room, on the edge of tears, waiting to hear you were okay. When I said you would be fine, he told me to send someone to him when you woke up but not to tell anyone but you about what happened. He does worry about his ego though! So, here you are…"

"I have to thank him later. I'd been avoiding him because of his obsession with children. He just wants to give others the childhood he never had. But he knows I'm not the best mother in the world!" Kara sighed, blushing gently and releasing her grip at the thought of Kenpachi Zaraki, fearsome Captain of eleventh squad, being concerned.

"Ummm… Am I interrupting you, Captains?" A nervous little voice sounded from the entrance into the room, and Hanataro the seventh seat of fourth squad was peering in nervously. Behind him was Soi Fonn, Rukia, Yachiru, Nemu, Ikkaku (who was trying to slink away from Nemu), Yumichika, half of eleventh squad, and most of fifth squad. Kara just rolled her eyes, released Unohana completely, and limped back to her bed. She'd used too much to slam the chief medic into the wall that her leg now hurt!

"What is it you lot? I'm in a state of shock at the moment over what's happened!" Kara snarled bitterly as she clenched and opened her fists, unsure of what was going on. She had a slight feeling that somewhere there to check up on her for Kenpachi, others to simply see her, after-all fifth squad did not want another bed-ridden Momo! But she was a little unsure of Soi Fonn's rather formal looking expression, as if she was there for a very important reason, which was odd considering Kara had already told her that if she did something stupid, she'd get a smack around the back of the head.

"YAY! Kara is awake! You had someone steal that old teddy-toy thing you had! And the air smelt of kitty-wee-wee! Did they steal your brain?" Yachiru trilled in delight as she leapt onto the bed and began to bounce up and down. The members of eleventh squad looked a little anxious as this, was she going to cause some serious trouble here? No… Kara just slid a bowl of very sugary candy to Yachiru's side and then turned to the others. She felt a little annoyed that Grimmjow had probably used the bathroom like a good kid before leaving the house, but that just added to the insult that his friends had knocked her out!

"Do you want me to get rid of Yachiru, Captain Kara?" Ikkaku murmured with his eyes narrowing as he put a hand to his sword, but a gentle cough and sudden pressure increase from Unohana answered this question. But swiftly, Soi Fonn was shooing everyone, even Unohana, out of the room before standing nervously in front of Kara. Kara blinked once or twice, before hearing some shuffling sounds at the window and throwing a piece of candy out just in time for Yachiru's jumping form.

"Uh… I don't know how to say this, ma'am, but you've been given special orders. Head Captain Yamamoto has deemed that the entrapment of 3rd Seat Kira had not been a good enough reason for just leaving with Aizen, and she's been made a traitor. Captain Yamamoto wants you to be the one to kill her, he says you may use any force necessary, but if you wish her to stand trial, then bring her here. He says you need to train hard for this, and is relinquishing the command of fifth squad to third seat Nagato. I'm sorry, momma!"

There was silence as the words took their time to process through Kara's brain and reveal to her exactly what was said and what they meant. According to Soi Fonn, Kara was being commissioned by Ol' Man Genocide to kill her best friend or better yet, bring her back for a trial, which would obviously result in execution. This was a bit weird, as since the Sokyoko had been destroyed, Yamamoto had merely stated that an old fashioned crucifixion was the correct death sentence for the Aizen usurpers. It was a good thing he had no idea about Grimmjow, otherwise Kara could have seen herself go that way a long time ago. But without warning, Soi Fonn suddenly leapt onto her, crying into her chest about how she didn't want her dear Kira to be killed and that Kara had to do something about it. What would that be exactly?

* * *

Much to Kira's disappointment, one of the new Personna games had turned out to be quite boring, and so she'd decided to go sight-seeing. Much to her horror, everyone except Grimmjow and Tousen (who were knee-deep in an argument about who put whose hand in the sandwich toaster), were quite eager to assist her. After careful deliberation, and being shown the kitchen they intended her to clean at some point, Kira had ignored their pleas for attention and quickly hired a Menos.

"Forward hoe Menos Steve! Take me to this sacred place of Pot!" Kira cried as she sat upon the shoulder of the giant Gillian, whose nose as dotted in varying piercings and holes, through which he snorted the smoke from melting down pots at high temperatures. Despite his drug usage, Steve was the most highly important and ranked Menos out of the lot. He was more then happy to take Kira to the very special dump where he found the best pots around! The only problem was, he had failed to notice the others that followed him, dragging Gin along in the hope that he might be able to defend them from the Gillian. It still surprised the Arrancar that Kira had this power already, where Aizen had a good deal of trouble controlling the Menos at all!

"Can't you do anything to stop them? They're heading toward that great big hole in the universe! I'm sure Aizen will be upset if she falls in and never returns!" The Arrancar moaned at Gin as he tried hard to keep up with the striding Menos. He could only hear a few random words from Kira and the Menos, and he was confused. Who were Menos Alan and Menos Fred? It made no sense to him, plus why did he keep hearing the words, life-partners?

"Grrr…. Raive!" Menos Steve purred as he halted in his march and bent down to let Kira hop off his shoulder in front of a small window-sized hole in the space of Hueco Mundo. Beside it was a great big pile of rubbish, some of which looked curiously familiar. As the Arrancar sped up to get close, even they found themselves eager to peer at the rubbish, there was some perfectly good porn here! "Raive!"

"Sure thing! With those guys beside me, I'm eager to explore. Then on my return, we'll party hard!" Kira cried in delight and did some strange punching gestures with her arms, which the Menos copied. But then she looked at Gin and the others, confused to why they were glaring at her! Without a hesitation however, she stepped into the space in the air, sucked in a gulp of oxygen, and fell into….

* * *

A bush? Kara had been sure she'd seen the line of bushes outside of the 11th squad rustle then! She shrugged it off; she had assumed that she'd seen Kira and Gin fall out of the air and land in the bush. But that could not have happened. She drew a heavy meat cleaver from one of the drawers in the 11th squad kitchen and considered the possibilities of hallucinating everything that had happened that day thanks to the hit on the head. Then she stepped to the fridge and pulled out a large slab of bloody meat from one of the many carcasses in this tomb-shaped cooler that Kenpachi had caught on his morning exercises, in this instance it was some form of cow, or maybe a moose!

Kira stared blankly at the situation, why was she back in the Seretei? She turned around, suddenly noticing the set of curtains that seemed to hover in the air for no reason at all. She had remembered seeing this conspicuous area in the eleventh squad before, but she had not even considered what it was. Mayuri had told her and Kara during one of their cleaning sessions of twelfth squad that it was just a gateway into a very large refuse dump where he placed everything no one wanted. Kira had never assumed it to be the only unknown and unguarded entrance into Hueco Mundo. But this made her stroke her hands and grin maliciously; she could sneak back and forth without any hassle….

"Dude! Awesome music! Slipknot rules!" The music thudded around Kira's head and she pulled everyone back down into the bush, stepping on Nnoitora's head again so he swallowed mud. They watched nervously as a large group of young members of eleventh squad appeared from round the corner, carrying a stereo that was playing the annoying noises of Corey Taylor straining on the toilet, at least, that's what Kira's opinion of it was. They formed up in a little group around the edge of the window opposite, the eleventh squad kitchen! With a gentle gulp Kira was about to suggest sneaking off to go and see Ukitake or Kara to check the situation, but a low rumbling filled with the stench of morning breath made her shudder in terror.

"_Raaaaiiiiivveeeee…_." Menos Steve wheezed fearfully, still hidden behind the curtains that had led them out to this strange conclusion. He seemed offended and saddened by the sound of music that even Kira had to admit hurt her ears. But the tone had made Kira worried, and she patted his shoulder gently, and then ducked as the radio with the music on was tossed out of the window and into the mêlée of the squad members, who then scolded each other about annoying the "mistress"? That could only mean one thing, either Kara was doing something sexy, as in sexy on the terms of eleventh squad, which could just be scratching her armpit, or Kara was about to force Kenpachi to do the washing up, which tended to make everyone in the squad nervous and call her dominatrix. Quite frankly, this squad was filled with the weirdest mix of eager BDSM freaks as one could think second or twelfth squad contain!

"Hush now Steve! We don't want to give away our position!" Kira muttered softly, rolling her eyes in disbelief that she had even considered saying such a thing. They were sitting behind a bush in the middle of the 11th Squad barracks with a large portion of the squad's members practically mooning them as they peered through a window into the barracks kitchen. Kira was unsure why they were crowding around like this, but when she suddenly saw a blob of half coagulated blood leapt out of the window and splatter onto the ground, she turned around swiftly. "Get back through to the dump before you're scarred for life!"

"What are you on about? It's just blood?" Syzael scoffed as he looked at the sudden stares of interest by the eleventh squad in that certain colour. To be perfectly honest the pink-haired scientist was quite eager to investigate what on earth was sitting in the kitchen that made their "mistress" so afraid. But when Syzael turned, stepping off Nnoitora's elongated arm, three of their party were missing. Both the Menos, Kira, and even Halibel had darted clean through the curtains, knocking the little flower pot onto Ulquirra's head as his eyes spun around weirdly, making Zommarri glare at him.

"Don't tell me Aizen's new girl is squeamish! Silly woman! Hey… Where's Gin gone?" Nnoitora questioned as he sat up and spat out a pretty pink flower, which Syzael chuckled over. They all looked about them; Gin was no longer being crushed in the earth beside Nnoitora… In fact he'd left before the blood had even emerged or Kira had ever said anything. More blood spattered out of the winter, and there was a shuffling as if robes where being pushed aside and swords were being grabbed. The remaining Arrancar turned, ready to fight.

"Ooooooooohhhhhh………… Yeeeeaaaaahhhhhhhh…….." Echoed the smiling and flushed forms of the eleventh squad. They were in the middle of practicing one of their most ancient traditions to the sight of blood and occasional clumps of flesh that were being aimed toward the window. They were not holding the same swords that the Arrancar had expected them to, and so the Arrancar were incredibly scared. On her way through the portal, Kira found herself reminded of how there was no need for a guard when the eleventh squad was nearby.

There was a mad dash into the portal followed by the high pitched cries for "mummy", which the eleventh squad dutifully ignored in case if had been one of their own members crying out in their ecstasy. Amongst men there were some levels of loyalty that were occasionally tested, and calling for your mother after screaming like you'd been terrified had just been one of them. The Arrancar emerged white in the face and shivering as if they were on the verge of vomiting. Gin had already made his tracks in the sand as he raced back across Hueco Mundo to get back to the safety of Las Noches, where eleventh squad did not meet annually for the weirdest tradition ever.

"They…. They were…. Touching!" Syzael begun, swallowing back the vomit that was climbing up his throat. He was thankful that Il Forte had not chosen to accompany them today, he could not have imagined trying to explain THAT situation to his incompetent little brother. But just trying to explain the situation to the others was difficult, thankfully Nnoitora interrupted him.

"Don't say it! That was just friggin' sick! Why didn't you tell us?" The chauvinist spat at Kira, after rolling his eye and trying to regain the feeling in his now crushed fingers. He turned back quickly, spotting Zommarri, the "bringer of love" step back out of the portal, grab his sword, and attempt to stab his own eyes out. This was gong to be awkward to explain to Aizen-sama!

"I told you to leave, but you didn't listen to me! Stupid men!" Kira growled, and Halibel just chuckled beside her as Menos Steve even gave a little grunt of humour. This made the warning sirens in Nnoitora's head start to flare and beep in utter outrage at what she was insinuating! Suddenly he lunged forward and was about to strike at Kira, when both Ulquirra and Halibel stood in his way.

"Are you mad you fool?" The emo king hissed angrily, the only time anyone had ever heard much emotion from him. It made Nnoitora step back, lowering his weapon as he figured out what had just happened. He had been called Mad, which was correct; he'd been called a Fool, which was incorrect. Just as the evil and somewhat horsey grin emerged on his face, Ulquirra put a little red beam on the edge of his finger and aligned it with Nnoitora's one remaining eye like a sniper scope. With an audible gulp, Nnoitora back down and a seemingly smug aura surrounded Ulquirra as he turned to look for his mistress' reaction, only to find her petting the nervous and sobbing Menos Grande.

"Steve? You flipped out over there at the sound of the mus…" Kira begun, oblivious to the idiots that argued with one another, but she was cut off as Steve let out a cry of sheer horror.

"Rargh! Alan! Fred! Slipknot! Bad Raive! Bad Coffee! Rargh! SNREEEEEEIIIIK!" Steve shrieked out his upset at the reminder of what had happened. To be perfectly honest Kira had no idea what the Menos was trying to communicate, if only because it sounded so unlikely. She did not remember any mention of Heavy Metal Bands around the world being well-known Shinigami, Bountos, Hollows, or Arrancars… So what did he mean that Slipknot had taken Alan?

"I swear to you Steve and to all the Menos…" Kira began her amazing speech with her fist to her chest and her other hand upon Steve's hunched shoulder. The great pale-faced being looked to his empress and then noticed that Kira was actually ignoring them all as even the other members around leaned in with interest. "I swear I will use all the powers I will gain as Supreme Empress of Hueco Mundo, Empress of Evil, to go forth, destroy Slipknot, and save Alan! Then we will all Raive like there is no tomorrow! Now, in light of this new information, a Raive is necessary! Bring forth glow-sticks and booze! It's time to strut our stuff! But only Halibel and Stark are permitted to join in, and maybe Syzael and his cute brother Il Forte!"


	7. Chapter 7

**Seven: Coconuts & Kids**

"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts!"

"And they're Kira's…"

"There they are bouncing in her robes…"

"Actually, I didn't manage to escape with her bra or corset last night, Aizen-sama. So they're not actually bouncing, that much. They're not actually as big as you assume either… Both Rangiku and Kara however…." Gin began grinning as he'd been forced to sing about Kira's medium-sized chest in the throne room and clean up the scraps on the floor of torn up magazines and photos.

But the reaction to Kara's name had made Aizen very angry indeed. He'd taken the scissors off the stone arm of his white throne and then cast them at Gin. The sneaky silver darted with an un-Gin-like manner behind the neatest pillar and instead one of the assistant green-haired Fraccion was hit in the eye. As this green-haired being ran about screaming, Aizen stood up and snorted angrily.

"Don't mention that name! I underestimated her knowledge before and she's nothing but trouble! The only way to keep Kira here is to make sure that she doesn't see Kara again and feel insignificant to the extent that she does not release her ultimate powers! If Kara finds out her son is here too, then we'll have that idiot Kenpachi storming around here turning the Arrancar into caviar! The rhyme was not intended either!" Aizen growled as Gin sniggered behind his long-sleeved arm.

"I will take care of Zaraki and distract Kara…." Tousen began as he patted the side he assumed his sword was on. At this, and blatantly ignoring the screaming Fraccion that ran around behind them, Gin and Aizen stared blankly at Tousen. Then they turned to each other and nodded their heads knowingly.

"No offense, but I don't think that spatula your holding will hurt Kenpachi much!" Gin mused.

"This is a spatula? Then where did I put my sword?" Tousen muttered and he began to pour through his robes and then poked at the dead body upon the floor.

"And let's just say Kara's not exactly charmed by your pathetic racist-based charming skills…" Aizen sighed gently as Gin started to clean up a bit more. Instead Aizen shooed he had just glued some pictures together.

As the trio left (Gin dragging the dead body out), Aizen poured through his book and sighed lovingly. He turned to the pocket in his robe where he had a very special present for Kira in his pocket. It was a little black box that held the Hogyoku as a gemstone on an engagement ring. He had made a similar looking cube to distract any of the silly Fraccion that tried to take it from him, but he knew Kira would keep it safe. The gold band the half purple looking stone sat upon also had something very special he'd stolen from Mayuri's lab to help Kira with her powers. He was looking forward to presenting it to her in a romantic fashion, but first he needed to check his pictures, a scrapbook made of pictures of weddings and hordes of offspring with his and Kira's faces on them. He'd even placed a picture of Kira asleep, which he'd made Grimmjow take last night, beside a picture of him leaning with a smile; almost as if he were going to start making love to her.

Such an image made Aizen sigh with interest and his lips thrum with excitement. He could not wait for that moment when Kira would submit to him. But he knew it would not be very easy at all. Kira needed to know he was powerful, would keep his promises to her, and would in fact let her get her own way. He also guessed that Kira was probably a true romantic, like himself, at heart. Just having a giant room-sized bed with silk pillows and drapes of thin red fabric, not to mention sweet candles and pleasant passionate incense would tempt Kira to drop her knickers!

Instead, Aizen lifted up his last book of the page and grinned with thought. He looked at the romantic red-room fire-light scene with the "picnic" on the floor and the basket of red ribbons with the alcohol in and a set of gorgeous little kittens. He needed to do something like that for her, something that romantic. He had a lot of time to do it of course, but he was going to need to Syzael's help for making some kind of creature for her to have as an adorable pet. Not only that, but he would have to make sure that Grimmjow was kept out of the way so that he could not cause trouble and neither could the Menos. There were many variables to consider, but that's why a porn movie and a collection of silver-ware was the best weapon in such a dark place.

* * *

Eleventh squad had gone a little "odd", and as Mayuri and Nemu stepped amongst the corridors with their delivery, they found that the presence of roses and lavender was a little too creepy. Normally the walls were stained in blood and vomit, but they'd been painted deep passionate purples and reds, even a bit of pink here and there. Occasionally there were flowers painted around too and Mayuri found himself shuddering. The large box in Nemu's arms were purring and mewing, hinting that Kenpachi had planned something really odd for Kara. After-all, he'd paid Unohana to go out and force Kara to wear some apparently really pretty dress! Mayuri was jealous of course, but he was too fearful of the current state of the seemingly "romantic" murder-squad that he was not going to ask questions. Instead he stepped into the living room of the squad, which would be closed off, and was a little surprised to see a very romantic fire-place and picnic setting, not to mention Kenpachi Zaraki in a fancy black tuxedo with his hair brushed down into a large pony-tail. He looked a little like Shunsui had been giving him tips on being romantic, so Mayuri quickly deposited his gift ad then scuttled away….

* * *

Kira had been a little unsure of Halibel's suggestions, but she could not say that the dress she was wearing was not beautiful and elegant. It was curious in that it was a pale creamy colour, something that seemed to stand out as Light and "Happy" in the darkness of Hueco Mundo, it made her seem almost an angel, and she had wondered if this had been the intent. The dress was not a corset style in truth, but there was a lovely red-brown ribbon lacing the gap between her bosom and forming a separation, the dress then led down into a long skirt hat held a split up the left leg. Her dress was not strapless but the straps were feathery and seemed to look as though clouds or doves were sitting on her arms. It was beautiful, but though she had accepted it so readily with the condition of wearing it tonight, Kira could not put aside her thoughts on how suspicious this was.

As Halibel led her out towards the main meeting hall of the dark palace, the compliments from other Espada and Fraccion made Kira blush bright pink and forget her worries. She stepped out with Halibel and she was filled with a delighted and enchanted feeling as she stepped into the warm room where Aizen was settling and awaiting her. Kira found herself staring in surprise at the impressive dark blue suit that Aizen was wearing, with his hair styled in its usual "greasy" manner Aizen actually looked rather handsome and presentable. The air of dominance and "Better then thou" was dissolved into one of swarthiness and confidence, the kind any attractive man holds when taking out a particularly beautiful woman to an opera. That made Kira a little nervous though, she'd been to an opera before but had ended up being so bored she'd fallen asleep and snored so loudly she'd embarrassed Kara and made their contracts give up and leave!

"We're not going to an opera house are we? Only I don't actually think I could sit through it, whether Arrancar, Menos, or Italian it'd be a little beyond me!" Kira gulped nervously and for a second Aizen stared at her dumbfounded. She could have sworn his eyes rolled with the thought of actually putting on an Arrancar opera production, but apart from Aizen what would they sing about?

"Of course not, I just felt that you and I needed some private time together. After-all, I rushed you off here and told you to be my queen without even doing the proper gentlemanly thing of offering to take you on a romantic date first! So, I intend to make it up to you and let you and I sit and share in complete happiness. Behold, I have a gift for you beneath that cloth!" Aizen smiled gently as he stepped over to Kira, offering an arm for her white-gloved hands to loop onto. Kira's eyes widened what would he be giving her that was in a basket so big? Why did he want to romance her? And as he led her over to sit on some warm cushions in front of a roaring fire where a bottle of champagne sat patiently in a tin of ice, why was she not resisting?

"Go ahead… It's only a hint toward the real present, but I'm sure you'll enjoy it!" Aizen mused as he took two glasses from a nearby tray, which was strolled in by Grimmjow, who'd been dressed up in a brilliant blue bow-tie and penguin suit. At this, Kira had found herself blinking several times out of sheer curiosity and wonderment. What was Aizen making Grimmjow dress up like a penguin waiter for? As she looked to her nephew's pleading eyes, she noticed that in the nearby door he'd come from, other members of the Arrancar were being forced to wear the same things, even Spoony!

"Okay… But don't fill my drink up too much will you? I've got my period soon so I don't want to go mad!" Kira grinned menacingly, and Aizen froze whilst pouring. He let the fizzing drink spill onto his fingers and did not seem to notice the approach of Syzael to come and clean it up from the carpet with a low groan. In her mind Kira was grinning with amusement, had she just gotten off the hook of going to bed with him? Yes… Yes she had. Cheerfully she lifted up the red cloth to see a large frozen slab with several dead chicks inside. "OH MY GOD!"

Aizen stared at them in sheer horror…

* * *

Meanwhile at the same time, Kara had been settling beside Kenpachi in her long soft-cotton blue dress. Their evening was going incredibly well! They had been drinking a little and sharing a fondue with on another, though Kara had found herself crying with laughter when Kenpachi had spent ages stabbing a marshmallow with a cocktail stick and then resorted to using his sword instead! Things were indeed going well and Ikkaku and Yumichika, dressed superbly save Ikkaku's bright pink bow-tie, stepped over and cleared the picnic from the floor and Kenpachi and Kara giggled over the silly things they had done or seen.

"Do you remember that time that I farted really loudly in the middle of the Captain's meeting and we blamed it on Mayuri? Remember how terrified he looked as if he had farted as well? All I remember is Komamura vomiting over Byakuya's hair-thingies and then the train of vomit! YEESH! That's what you get for super-sensitive smelling! Poor Old Foxy! It was a bit sick when he started lapping up the sick afterwards!" Kara snorted happily as she lent against Kenpachi's shoulder and snuggled into him, holding her glass of Vodka just far enough away that she didn't splash him. To her surprise, Kara noted that Kenpachi had not been drinking as much as normal and was smiling in a really sincere manner that was not creepy and was actually quite cute. She had to admit though, even though his chest muscles were as tight as coiled springs, they were very easy to snuggle into and made good firm pillows.

"That's fox's! They're always a bit yucky like that! When I was younger in the Badger Clan, Papa Dung used to let a fox live in one of our old tunnels. That fox used to spray at me all the time because he was convinced I wasn't a badger! It wasn't till later of course when the humans tried to dig our family out and I slaughtered a guy with this sword that they figured out I was one. It was a shame; I was always a good digger! But if the family knew I had got this far and gained a name they'd be happy!" Kenpachi grinned happily as he shuffled himself into a better position that Kara could snuggle up with him. The plan was going very well, though he could not help but keep glancing at the writhing curtain over the unopened basket and also at a weird little box hidden under one of the meat dishes. He didn't really know if the timing was right yet, but he had to snuggle into Kara more.

After a few minutes, the lights dimmed, thanks to Yumichika, and some curious music turned on as the 11th Squad stood up and slunk into a back room so they could not disturbed the couple. Weirdly for her, Kara recognised the music as "Tears & Rainbows" by Olivia Lufkin, one of few songs she actually liked. For no reason apart from how happy she felt, Kara stood up and urged Kenpachi onto his feet. They then began to hold each other and sway gently in a weird sleepy dance to the music, happy and content. The evening was truly fabulous, truly perfect, and as they danced Kenpachi knew it was the right time to unveil the basket.

As the song ended he sat Kara down beside it and lifted the basket's sheet up. Suddenly Kara found herself staring at a basket filled with stray old cats and loads of kittens that had all been groomed, fed, and were purring loudly in delight for being allowed to breathe. The cats swarmed around Kenpachi and he cuddled each before picking up a little blue tom-kitten and pushing it toward Kara's face. Kara had frozen in shock but then at Kenpachi's words of getting her a "new kitty to help her cope with the pain of her previous loss", Kara twitched for a second and then burst into tears. Without caring about whether she would smash into doors or not, remembering most consisted of paper at that time, Kara ran away from 11th squad barracks and to her home; distraught and confused over what Kenpachi must have been suggesting. This left Kenpachi smothered in purring cats but looking a little shocked and slightly upset.

* * *

"This is brilliant! I can't believe you're letting me get my lizard and snake babies back here! Oh thank you! Thank you Aizen!" Though Sōskue had been left staring in horror at the greatest mistake Syzael had ever made for him so far, he was now starting to become aware that Kira was not horrified by the frozen chicks. However, he was slightly afraid at the suggestion that he was going to allow her to bring back the monstrous animals that had once wandered freely in 12th Squad and then been forced to be caged because _even Gin_ had been deathly afraid of the monstrous beings! But as Kira jumped around in such delight he found he could not be angry now, especially as she leant down and gave him a peck on the cheek. This made Aizen blush visibly and he quickly tried to resolve the situation, suddenly overcome with guilt.

"Sorry…" Aizen gulped, and Kira froze immediately in her delighted jumping. She turned to look at him with harsh eyes. "They were supposed to be kittens, not chicks. And they certainly weren't supposed to be frozen. I had no intention of letting you bring your reptilian monstrosities back here… Hueco Mundo does have some kind of rules you know."

Kira's face contorted from a harsh glare to a violent sneer. Her eyebrows had narrowed and gone straighter then a ruler and she had clenched both fist and teeth and were making a revolting grinding sound. Aizen gulped nervously and visibly, terrified that he had probably done something really bad here. Kira felt amazingly betrayed and she suddenly took the champagne bottle and cast it at Aizen. The Lord of Evil darted or cover and Kira gave out a violent berserker scream, calling him something too vile to be repeated in text. Suddenly Kira was scooped up by the giant form of Menos Steve and carted off toward the local Rave in order to help her calm down. Aizen was left looking incredibly embarrassed.

* * *

Kara slid her silken nightdress over her head and straightened it as she looked about her lonely room. She'd fed Kira's reptiles, surprised they had not been taken too, and had wrestled Orochi the giant Boa back into his tank after almost being eaten by him and then playing Blackjack with the Boa and with the giant Bosc lizard, Jerff. The reptiles were missing their boss greatly; the atmosphere in their special room was tense and sorrowful, lonely and sullen. Kara had felt bad for putting them all back inside, but after an hour they had all slipped back into a comfortable sleep as she had stalked the kitchen. Now Kara was sliding into bed and preparing to sleep. She felt very alone and very upset, and she drifted off; her chainsaw began to glow an ominous radioactive green as the chain slid off with a gentle rattle.

In the darkness of the room, a great shadow moved around the edge of the bed and lent beside her, she did not awake. A great three-headed monstrous demon dog watched her with glowing golden eyes, one head white, one head black, and one head a brilliant crimson red. They all stared at her curiously as a great cobra hood and face emerged between two of the heads and hissed gently. Then, in one deep breath they all gasped over Kara's sleeping form and a mix of red, grey, gold, and green gasses swirled over and around her. As they disappeared with Kara's gentle and heavy breathing, the beast stepped aside from her bed and then sighed gently.

Only the red head in the middle remained as the other heads formed into the golden body, the form of the Zanpaktou spirit, Necrophagus visible to any now that stepped into the room. But the great red demon-dog simply gave a sigh of relief to his owner.

"You will remember it all; let it fill your mind again… For Lilith cannot enter Heaven's Gates and Eve is stuck in Limbo…"

* * *

Kira yawned and then collapsed on the floor… Again…

The party had been brilliant and it had helped her forget about how much she was annoyed by Aizen, but that oppressive hatred filled her again. She slumped into her bedroom and found herself falling on the floor again. Suddenly new thoughts entered her mind, thoughts about how mean Yamamoto had always been around her. These thoughts seemed to swell in her head and both her stomach and her brain began to hurt. She rolled onto her back with a moan, and the rolled again onto her front, dozing with cloudy eyes.

There was a shadow moving in her room, but in her drunken stupor she could not see it. She had failed to spot the glowing form of her lead-pipe in the corner of her room. From it something odd emerged and the "skin" around the pipe began to slide off. From the shadow of the folds a great wolf-like figure of a pale blue-grey appeared. Its great brown eyes looked upon her with kindness and then it opened wings that were as beautiful and marked as a scarlet macaw's, whilst a reptilian tail swung and flicked nearby. With a gentle sigh and wolfish grin at her poor owner, Sanbaikemono, paced faithfully toward the form of her woozy friend.

"Sleep now…" The great wolf head whispered gently with her treacle voice as she tried to manipulate Kira onto her back again with her great dark muzzle. It was difficult as without being able to stand on her hind legs so easily, Sanbaikemono could only use her teeth to gently tug at the dress and pull for Kira to turn. But Kira threw her fists about in struggle and the winged being grimaced slightly. Kira did not know what she was seeing but she knew something was touching her and she was annoyed and frustrated.

Why wouldn't Aizen let her have her pets? What had happened to her pets anyway? Why was everyone calling her a traitor? Why did no one care that she was upset? Why would no one come to her? Who the hell dared to tell her to sleep when she was angry?

"NO! I want 'Rochi and Yur… BLURGH!" Kira vomited all over her floor and the spirit of her sword rolled its eyes with annoyance. Quickly it rolled her aside, took some cloths, and cleaned up before gently wiping away the vomit from Kira's mouth.

"For the love of Pete is this going to work?" A python-marked snake-head emerged from the rear of the winged wolf and gave a gentle snort of annoyance. Kira was pointing toward her with annoyance and calling her weird names. The female sword just grimaced and hissed at the wolf-head. "I told you and I told that other doggy we should have waited a little longer! This is not going to work!"

"Of course it will! If you shut up snake-butt!" The wolf head snapped angrily and suddenly the snake disappeared in a puff of violet smoke. The wolf head gave a gentle snorted and yawned as she stood up and stretched her arms.

"Don't wanna… Sleep…" Kira complained at the great winged spirit, but there was nothing she could do. The great beast picked her up gently and then slid her quietly into her bed. It tucked her in and then waited for sleep to take hold of Kira. When it was obvious, a great red and black spiralling cloud formed from the wolf's lips and smothered Kira until she was completely asleep, almost dead…

"She prayed to God because she was told to; but he never spoke to her. Lilith loves the Devil but wants no Revenge; instead she must stand still…"

* * *

_"Awake Furibenkou Funkei…" _

_"Awake Eizou Kuraujinsei…_"

**The Time is Right**


	8. Chapter 8

**Eight: A Dream of the Past**

"Furi? Furi? Are you mad at me for what I've done? I'm sorry... But if I didn't then my family was going to be dishonoured by the whole Sereitei and I couldn't' let that happen." A tall brown haired woman stepped tentatively toward the form of her friend who sat on a rock looking over at the building that was starting to grow. The figure looked at Furi, who was observing the great form of a young handsome man talking to the elders that had trained them all in the ways of the Shinigami. Her face seemed stern, and to Eizou, that was not good.

"I'm not mad Eizou, but I'm just worried for you. I didn't stay with him because Genryusai was violent toward me. I don't think we women should have to live in a world where the men order us around. I don't want him to hurt you my old friend." Furibenkou had been an orphan, abandoned in one of the worst areas of the Rukongai before they were even titled or organised. The great Sereitei buildings itself were only now under construction, and this had been since the King of Soul Society had handed this duty to forty-seven supreme soul reapers and the upcoming young warrior, Genryusai Yamamoto, Hero of the Rukongai for banishing the dark souls, Hollows, to the realm of Earth and not into this part of the Sereitei.

"I know..." Eizou muttered softly, placing her long thick sleeve over her mouth as he tried to fight back a tear, she did not want to get married to someone that had hurt her sister. Eizou had been saved by Furi when a mob had set about her as a child, and then Eizou had saved Furi during the battles in the pit where she had been thrown as a criminal. Furi had only stolen a uniform, and been forced to defeat many hollows and then fight a champion to the death. Both Furi and Eizou were mighty, they had reached a level no other being save Genry had ever reached at such a young age; they were the future and yet they were lower because they were women.

*** * * **

"Necrophagus..." Kara snarled angrily toward the form of her Zanpaktou, understanding straight away that she was Eizou and that in a previous life she'd been married to Yamamoto. She also recognised Kira as Furibenkou, but she did not understand it. "Why have you brought me into a past vision? I'm not a nervous wreck who would take an abusive marriage. I've seen how Genryusai is with women in general, he doesn't respect us, you don't have to show me this."

"Maybe they want us to see how this all happened? I get the feeling that there's a reason we're understanding this so well." The voice was Kira's, and as Kara turned to run and hug her companion, something in Kira's eyes warned her to stay still. Neither of them understood fully and Sanbaikemono was warning her to stay aside.

Time moved forward...

*** * * **

"Eizou... Come into this world I created. I think... I think I've created a world amongst the Shadows! I think I've created a world of Freedom!" Furibenkou stood before a great swirling opening at the bottom of the deep dark caves. The water dripped in a beautiful melody and she smiled kindly at her dearest friend. Behind her, Eizou looked more concerned, a huge eye-patch smothering half her face and her arms gloved up out of fear of her own powers. They both stepped together into a new young world, still in construction, but covered in desert, and yet there was a grand castle. This concerned Eizou.

"Freedom? But it's so dark here? And you've made yourself a ruler... That's not Freedom really..." Eizou paused at the edge of the great throne room, aware that there was great potential for this world but also that there was a great fear too. This realm could be the purest Hell or the Surest Earth; if could never be Heaven, Furibenkou had not intended it for that. "I think you might need to think about what you've done more carefully. To create a world of your own is against the rules. If we use the Atarashii-Jin Powers for this kind of thing, it's selfish and dangerous. The council of Forty-Six would put you down as a traitor!"

"Don't you understand? With me in charge no one will be attacked and hurt because of their gender, colour, or beliefs! We'll be free to do whatever we want. You can raise your two sons without fear, and I can finally marry Lucifer and be happy!" Furibenkou smiled and seemed to swoon in her new world, dancing in a circle as she laughed and lounged in her great stone throne. Finally she had the chance of getting everything she wanted, and saving what she cared about without being forced into the service of a Soul Reaper. "No one will have to be a soul reaper, no one would be spilt up into ability, and NO will be a word spoken without fear of punishment. I will let everyone be free, though a few laws may stand. I will be the ultimate judge and everyone will respect me for it. Lucifer believes I can do it! He and I are already expecting a child together!"

"But what if he's going to use you as well Furi? We both know that even if we love men they always want to be in charge! Plus Lucifer is not one of us, he was one of the dead of those beings that attacked the Living World! You may love him now but is it True Love?" Eizou was shocked, to loose herself to a strange man was too reckless a thing for Furibenkou to do, and Lucifer did make her quite nervous as well. But she was pleased her friend was carrying such a great gift. Yet something was warning her to back away. She turned and stepped back toward the portal. At a running pace, Furi followed, calling back at her in anguish.

"I don't believe you Eizou! In my kingdom you could be free to marry Tadao and forget about Genryusai! His marriage to you won't matter and your parents and family can join us here. You can be happy! You won't keep getting hurt for standing up for Abel! You won't have to wear an eye-patch ever again and make up stupid excuses to your friends! I know he hit you Eizou!" Furibenkou caught up as Eizou turned with a snarl at the mention of her lover. Suddenly Furi rose her hand and her friend feared a hit, but to her surprise it was simply to remove the eye-patch. At the sight of a reddened eye that was half-closed by a black formation around the face and a swollen lump on the top of the cheek, Furibenkou found herself gasping. Eizou quickly raised her long sleeve to her face again.

"It was my own fault! I was practising against him and I cut his hand, I should have been more careful. Plus Tadao understands that I have to stay in this marriage. For the sake of balance I can't move. I need to stay out of your arguments with Genryusai. You're my best friend and he's my husband, I can't choose between you!" Eizou started to walk out into the cave network, fighting to put the eye-patch back on straight. She could not stop crying for the face of Furibenkou had screamed with shock. Furi was also angry, she could not believe that what she had refused to take from Genryusai years ago was being accepted as her friend's fault!

"Listen to yourself? You're putting me out as Evil compared to everyone else! You can't remain self-righteous all the time Eizou! Balance means change! The world can't be chaos-free, you understand this, and it can never be kept the same! Come on, listen for once." Furibenkou screamed down the tunnel, but she did not pursue her friend, something instead made her pause and she prepared for something terrible.

"Sorry... I have to go." Eizou called out behind her as she ran away.

As Eizou reached the edge of the caves she slowed back down and walked away from her dearest friend, who in her moment of anger at the sight of an almost blinded friend, had created a world called Hueco Mundo; Furibenkou did not notice she had a watcher in the shadows. Furi stood ready and waiting, she had no need to ask who it was. A long time ago when their trainers had brought them out into the great meeting grounds to show their worth, the three of them had been friends. They had not parted friendship until Furibenkou had been forced into marriage, a marriage which had revealed Genryusai's aggressive side over those more powerful then him and caused Furibenkou to renounce herself. She had fought hard not to loose her one sanctity to the Hero of the Rukongai, and only from the grace of the noble houses that had not thought the match well had she been permitted to un-wed him. Now he was here, and it was time to end a battle two hundred years old.

"Now we're alone, I can remove your hideous boil from the face of my perfect order. You could have been made a captain and a teacher of my academy, but you've chosen a path of chaos. I cannot allow this Funkei. You know what happens now." Without hesitation, Genryusai Yamamoto stepped out of the shadows of the cave networks, the young red-head man with a small beard and a face filled with hatred. There was a buzzing sound in the air as he spoke and electric cracks as their pressures jostled one another. They would fight to the death, it was the only way.

"I know, Foolish Man!" She raised her great three-headed scythe with it's blade-tailed whip-end. Her eyes narrowed and all around her the blood red aura of her raietsu blazed as a terrible dark presence formed about the blade. "Uso, Makai-no-Sanhitome Kitsune!"

"Turn all to ash, Ryujin Jakkar!" Yamamoto roared in response as golden flames arouse from his body and the world shuddered under the shock-wave of powerful spirits. As she stepped toward her home, Eizou felt the surge from the hiding place and gasped. What had she done?

"NO! They'll kill each other! I can't let either of them die!" Eizou ran around and started to flash-step at top speed back into the tunnels of Chaos that Furibenkou had been hiding in the past few weeks. She knew she would probably not reach it in time.

The battle was long and the caves were torn apart within hours. A crowd had gathered but they kept to the high cliffs that sat around the entrance to Hueco Mundo. No one dared to go down for the powerful swords would burn them all into crisps of souls. Amongst the watchers, Lucifer had appeared and was suddenly apprehended by Genryusai's private guards, who had been listening in. Tadao had also been apprehended, but Eizou was being held back by her eldest son Abel and her youngest son, the ginger-haired pride of his father, Kenshin. They watched in horror as their beloved aunt and their beloved father continued to battle.

There was nothing but great speed and glittering swords, sometimes fire and shadow belched over the bodies and they tried hard to smash the other into the rocks. Each managed to but their opponent stood straight up. Lightning was fired by each one as they found openings and sometimes it hit or missed. They were well matched but blood was falling everywhere. The walls of the cavern remnants were stained pink and black with the splashes of blood, clothing had been shredded but matted into the bleeding or clotting wounds to make the pain of movement even greater. It would all end in pain endurance or a damaging blow. To the onlookers only a crimson flash of blood of the great burning shriek or flash of the blades could be seen. Neither had any need to use Bankai in this battle, it would not bring them an increased strength, it would only prolong a battle that was already slipping into the hours of darkness. As evening hit the ground the lunges made at Yamamoto's body were making deeper cuts and the tense sinews of his chest and abdominal muscles were splitting like string on parcels. He was in agony, barely able to run and yet still he could swing his sword and form a reasonable shield with the summons.

But this was the mistake that Furibenkou made. She was winning by blood and injury, killing him as she continually hacked and slashed with a scream of outrage. The vicious raking claws of her three-bladed scythe were scoring into the skin of her opponent and her eyes were clouded with blood and pain. As she ran at her last moment to kill him, he suddenly lifted his sword to cut two of the blades off, but one cut into his head and the whipped tail spun to cut across it. As Furi's rage suddenly departed and her body felt a slight numbing of mind and seemed almost to slip into another world, she blinked once. The blade of Yamamoto's sword was returning from its swing and it slashed her stomach open. She could feel not only the blood exploding everywhere but the guts slipping out too. She leaned back, her sword raised with a splatter of crimson and she smiled at the wound she'd made. Then she blinked once more as the sword of the Hero of the Rukongai was suddenly forced into her body with a scream of lightning to make it even more painful. But as she fell back into the ashes of the world and the pools of blood, Furibenkou had not pain or fear, but joy at what vengeance she might later be able to bring.

"What did you do? How could you?" Eizou screamed at her husband, upset more for the fact that Furibenkou had been expecting. From the look in Lucifer's eyes at the sight of the blood ridden body below as the ashes cleared, he had known it too. A great gaping hole sat within Furi's broken body and her blood had stained the ground. As Eizou screamed out again, a great wave of Yamamoto's spiritual pressure knocked her over and he glared at her sternly.

"I did it for the sake of the Sereitei. The same will happen with Lucifer and Tadao. Cast them into that dark world along with the corpse of Furibenkou Funkei. Then seal that world apart from ours and chase the hollows into it." Genryusai was suddenly surrounded by his fellow soul reapers as they checked the smiling body of Furi, her corpse had been laughing at the great scar she'd inflicted. A medic lunged from the crowd followed by the head Healer to deal with the wounds. Genryusai's body was a mass of bleeding cuts that would probably remain there for life, but none so obvious as his scalp wound. Furibenkou had taken away a good chunk of Yamamoto's hair and had left a great crossed scar across his forehead that was so deep it had etched a cross onto his skull. He was bleeding heavily, but at least he had won.

As the will of Yamamoto was done, those that fell into the world spotted with horror that the dead body of Furibenkou was suddenly clasped and taken in by great giant black shadows with masks over their faces like the Hollows they fought. The Shinigami were nervous, they tried to attack one but it turned on them and let out power greater then the Shinigami had understood. These were the Menos Grande, the servants of Furibenkou Funkei. But her death did not stop anything, Yamamoto was awarded the highest position in the Sereitei and many civil wars broke out to try and gain revenge. But the worst act of treachery was in the poisoning of his own wife when she dared to try and fight him. Sadly, Genryusai's eldest son witnessed this and also rebelled, and Yamamoto sent his other son to solve the issue. Kenshin killed Abel, and in sorrow for what he had done and for what he learnt had occurred when the bodies of both his mother and brother were dropped into the fiery pits in the Death Zone of the Soul Society, he took his own life leaving behind a family that Yamamoto soon rejected and regretted.

*** * ***

The balance had not returned until the souls had been given a new place in life. But though Genryusai still remained in a place of Light, he wished to destroy chaos to form a Utopia still where no one had free will. Even now the Sereitei was the same save for Aizen's defect and the arrival of Ichigo. Life seemed to be spitting everyone back into the same circles and both Kira and Kara frowned. They had now switched their views from the past; Kara was for the Death of Genryusai, and Kira was for free will within her own land and a complete separation from the Sereitei. But they both had no time to turn and speak their new found purpose to each other as the spell wore off and they woke once more in their separate worlds.


	9. Chapter 9

**Nine: Kara's Mission and Kira's Weapon **

The iridescent beauty of the Hueco Mundo moon glittered in the corners of Kira's eyes and she felt a great deal of peace after such a horrifically realistic dream. She did not understand had she just learnt the truth of her past life, which she had been sure, was about attempted rape and then betrayal? Why had Kara been there? Standing and watching the slow movement of the non-threatening clouds, Kira found herself starting to weep with sorrow. She was missing home, and more precisely she was missing her pet reptiles, her dear friend, and most importantly of all she was missing the sweetness of Jushiro Ukitake, who had never lied to her nor tried to force himself into a marriage with her after only a week living together!

"You're crying, my lady…" A gentle voice, filled oddly enough with the slight glimmer of concern echoed into her mind. She turned to her left on the balcony and saw the stark and alone figure of Ulquirra, the number four Espada, standing and staring out as silently and still as if he were only a gargoyle.

"AGH! Oh… It's just your Emo-King, I mean, Ulquirra. What are you doing up here anyway?" Kira jumped with shock but after asking the question she noted that the Espada first looked her up and down before turning back to the moon. Kira looked at herself and she gulped gently, she was only wearing her silken red underwear for bed, and she must have looked quite odd.

"Observing the beauty of this place. Few else do so it's quiet up here for thought. I didn't spot you either till you just sniffed. Are you okay? You look very afraid?" Ulquirra questioned uncaringly, staring out into the darkness and obviously trying not to look back at her and upset her more. But at her words he turned around and his eyes were suddenly warm with a strange sense of kindness.

"No, I'm alright. Just a bad… dream…" Kira began, but Ulquirra was leaning closer to her, one of his hands moving toward the edge of her cheeks, and she tried for a moment to lean away from his reach.

"Let me help you…." Ulquirra said softly and calmly as he leant so close their eyes were locked together and Kira was stunned. But gently and without even turning away, Ulquirra produced white handkerchief from his sleeve and wiping away the tears that were lining the edges of her cheeks and eyes. Then he stepped back and his jaw line twitched as if he had been trying to give a gentle smile. Kira was just stunned.

"That was a little odd but thank you. I feel better knowing that someone around here cares how I feel! Especially as Aizen promised to bring my reptiles back but didn't!"

"I see… That was unsuitable for him."

"Well, night-night Ulquirra…" Kira yawned and she swiftly gave him a thankful kiss to the cheek before turning around and shuddering gently with a slight fear. Then she began to pace back to her room, ignoring the watchful eyes. Ulquirra's face was dampened with a surprising scarlet blush, but thankfully Kira did not turn around to notice, and as she disappeared from sight, he bowed gently to her.

"Indeed… I must go visit that world and retrieve your pets, My Empress." He whispered gently, his heart-strings tugging with nervous fear. He could not wait to see her look ecstatic, but how would Lord Aizen feel? Well, Aizen made them call him Lord and her Empress. An Empress was higher then any lord and Kira needed cheering up….

"KARA!" Kenpachi Zaraki had stepped into the Sereitei's massive and grand library in search of his beloved. He had to explain something to her before she got back home and got angry at him and refused to let him have a cuddle; it was funny how violent threats excited Kenpachi but threats not to care for him really upset him!

"Ummmm…. You're supposed to be quiet in the library, sir…" A nervous little voice spoke from over the counter by the library entrance and the nervous little figure lifted himself up slowly, shaking visibly.

"Oh right. Sorry, I didn't know." Kenpachi grunted gentle as he itched at the back of his head in thought. He was concerned that there were very few library patrons around and had no idea what was going on in their minds. Though the Sereitei Library was open twenty-four hours for Captain and Squad convenience, Kenpachi had never stepped into one before. He did not even know what they were for, even though Yachiru seemed to like them and brought back strange stuff from them, like free bookmarks. Kenpachi of course had no idea that his own illusiveness from the library had made the staff decree to their most frequent patrons that the entry of the eleventh squad captain would signal the beginning of a terrible apocalypse. Now Kenpachi was here, everyone was hiding. "Ummm… May sound dumb, but what are libraries for anyway? Only Kara spends a lot of time in them."

"Uhh…. To get information or escape reality…" Another female voice, older and wiser and clearly annoyed, spoke from behind the counter but did not reveal themselves. The fact he didn't know their purpose meant that to look upon him would make one unclean.

"How's that then? Do you meet up with spies or second squad here and speak in sign-language? I think I'd have to learn sign-language first to use this place, which seems a little ironic." Kenpachi stated rather matter-of-factly, assured that it made sense if only to himself and no one else. The librarian had stood up straight now and blinked gently. It did indeed make sense, but was strange.

"From books. You pick them up and read them." The librarian scoffed, but Kenpachi just nodded his head wisely. "There are stories and factual information ranging from mathematics and sciences to children's books, easy-reading, or just simple fictional, that's not real, stories about dragons and unicorns and wizards that save the world."

"Ahhh…. That would explain all the books then." Kenpachi stated as he looked around at the tonnes of shelves.

"That's the basis behind it. Reading them gives you knowledge. That's why captains have to write up reports as well." The woman spoke with a slightly swooning sound as she tried to disregard Kenpachi's blank nature. He was actually speaking from pure innocence; after-al libraries were not common in the Zaraki District, unless you counted a couple of houses he'd once seen made out of books.

"So… How does this system work?"

"I don't know if I should be blaming someone or overjoyed? What the hell has happened to my zanpaktou?" Kira muttered in terror as she ran about the kitchen she had installed in her room after her continuous nightly walks to make hot chocolate had meant she'd seen Nnoitora pacing about naked.

Grimmjow had been patiently sitting by the bar-table having his morning breakfast, and had been glugging down a pint of milk alongside it as Kira had cried out. Now he stood watching her blankly in his teenage baggy pants and vest, his night-clothes, the bowl of cereal in his hands and his face one of boredom. Had it not been for that fact that Kira was his aunt and would have whacked him upside the head for speaking with his mouthful, Grimmjow would have assured her that it was not a bad thing.

Kira had been stomping around in circles with what had once been her faithful lead pipe in her hands. Instead there was a neat sword-hilt that was light and bound in the usual diamond fabric stripes of purple that most Zanpaktou were marked in, hers of course was soft linen not hard brown leather. There was a blade where there had once been nothing but an amazingly usable pipe. This blade was not alone; there were three striking out of the hilt in a rectangular line, almost like looking at the squad three symbols from the front angle. This had slightly freaked her out, but Kira had been surprised that her sword had waited so long to show its true form, and once more the dream was starting to echo about her head.

"It must have been the dream! I was told I created Hueco Mundo. It explains everything! It explains the Menos and the fact I've felt so at home here and that nothing has dared to question or attack me. I need to go out and find the old throne room! Will you join me Grimmjow?" Kira bellowed with delight as she raised her sword to the sky and looked proud.

"Why not? It means I've got a good excuse for not turning up to the meeting. Old Emo-ness had buggered off somewhere anyway! Just give me a few minutes to change. Oh, and I recommend you don't go around Hueco Mundo in your underwear or ever running around in front of my like that again. Just because I vomited my cereal back up into the bowl."

Kenpachi had made his way around the library for the past five hours, still unable to find Kara but enjoying the whole experience. He had read thirty-two books already and was surprised how quick a reader he was as well as how interested he'd been in practically everything he could pick up. He'd made his way to a big dusty section of the library that was quiet and had no one visible at the desks. He had been fine reading in the children's section until Yumichika had come in and questioned why he was not looking for Kara still. It had embarrassed him, but now he was surprised as he turned to corner into this dusty section that smell of crypts, to see Kara fast asleep with a stack of thick books to her shoulder and her face smeared into one big book.

"Kara! There you are… Wake up…" He smiled happily and nudged at her. He had assumed she'd been enjoying the book so much she had fallen asleep in an attempt to find out the end. He had been like that with a story called the Silver Brumby, which had been amazing. He now had a grudging respect for the wild horses of the Sereitei, and there were quite a few too, his badger family had once told him not to keep biting their hooves and now he understood why.

"What? I told you chuck her body in a wood chipper!" Kara started as she sat up with her eyes wide open before they began to droop again. Kenpachi just blinked with slightly confusion.

"I don't recall you asking me to do that, but who was it you wanted me to kill?" Kenpachi questioned gently at her sudden cry. He had not remembered her leaving a note for him. But he wondered if it was one of these knew things he'd learnt about, 'euphemisms', which could mean she had actually wanted him to take the rubbish out.

"Kenny? Oh… Sorry… Flashback to working with some 'friends' in the real world. I've decided I should have been a Mafia boss after-all. Anyway… Wait a minute…" Kara looked about her, she was still in the library and it was not on fire. Her face had been imprinted into the book and there was a crease line from where her nose had been pressing into the joint. There was also a few drool marks. So, she was still in a library, but Kenpachi was standing in front of her with at least eight books in his hands and a massive grin on his face. "Kenpachi… You do know you're in a library, right?"

"Yes…" Kenpachi grinned after checking around him first. He had not been in this dusty old section before, but he had assumed that it was a quiet place to read and that Kara might have spent the past twelve hours in there after she'd woken up from that weird dream she'd mentioned. Kenpachi then looked at his books, all of which were quite big with red spots on their sides. "Yeah, I like it here. It turns out, I'm at the same reading level as a nine-year-old! So… I started reading more and more books. There are lots of cool things. I've got these books here you see… There's one on the Romans, there's one about Tanks because they looked interesting, and then there's loads of stories I thought were really interesting. These Home Farm Twins are quite amazing; did you know they helped save a pony? Oh and I picked up a Marvel comic cause the X-Men are interesting and some kind of manga thing called Naruto, it's a bit confusing. I reckon these Ninjas are all really young Soul Reapers."

Kenpachi's face was alive with excitement and colour. Now he knew why people liked libraries so much, plus the staff had explained it all to him. He'd also had a lot of fun practicing taking out books on their self-help machine. He had learnt that their names were Kohaku, the guy, and Yukihime, and that they were both lower members of first squad and really very friendly if you asked the right questions. But Kara just blinked at him with confusion. Was this really Kenpachi?

"I've got to get back home. I've got to take out these twenty-three giant books, try and translate what I can't read, and then feed the reptiles. I'd better feed them first because otherwise that big Boa's going to have a wresting match with me again and I don't think I could spend another hour playing Checkers against a combined team of him and the Komodo Dragon Jerff." She snorted with a gentle yawn as she stretched out lazily.

"I read a book earlier on animals, they're really interesting. Did you know that Boa's are constrictors? Did you know that Komodo Dragons have poisonous bacteria in their teeth that can kill you by giving you infections? I was amazing…"

"Yes Kenny, it is indeed." Kara could not help but grin with delight at these words. FINALLY! Kenpachi was learning how interested in animals she truly was. Admittedly it seemed a big leap from him first discovering this information at the age of almost two-hundred and her having known it from four… But suddenly Kenpachi dropped the bomb.

"About the reptiles… You can't feed them… Someone came in and stole them… Except the Boa of course. He got stuck in the air vent so I pulled him out and then he tried to kill Ikkaku so Mayuri's holding onto him until the boa gets bored of Hozukimaru." Kenpachi smiled benignly and Kara rolled her eyes after snarling slightly. Of course… There was going to be no food in the fridge either she could imagine.

"I wish mum's music had never been so catchy, or usable. Now all I can think of is that you're really the daughter of the devil that was sent to torture men and yet got lost! Or something like that, I don't remember too well as I haven't listen to Heaven and Hell in a while. But anyway, Aunty, you're weirdly creepy in that you've brought me to these strange dusty ruins and that you knew where all the booby-traps were and now we're outside the throne room and your looking for the key." Grimmjow snorted gently with a face that showed a slight hint of being impressed, his hands were in his pockets and he looked bored of course, but Grimmjow was a teenager and he was currently hanging around with his aunty and obediently staring away from her bottom.

Kira's butt was in the air as she kicked the sand about in a desperate attempt to find the remnants of either the flower pot she could swear had been attached to the door, or the door mat. After centuries of decay and ignoring, the old palace was covered completely in sand and it had take a little while for them to convince one of the big Menos to get a vacuum cleaner and help them out. Of course, Aizen had not been told of any of this and Grimmjow was glad he didn't have to hear anyone else complaining.

"Gotcha! It's a key made of… Monkey bones… I think your mother must have made that in her past life! But still, let's unlock the door and check out our secret hideout, right kiddo?" Kira grinned malevolently, a slight hint of insanity gleaming from her twinkling eyes and Grimmjow gulped. Did she have to make it sound like he was a kid that made forts out of cereal boxes and pillows? But as the door was opened, after ten minutes of near-breaking the key in half just to turn the stiff old lock, Grimmjow did found himself gasping out like a child.

"WOW! It's so awesome!" Grimmjow cried with glee as he looked at a great throne room filled with vivariums of different reptiles and amphibians, some random themed decorations and an internal waterfall and fountain. Grimmjow of course had noticed a large pile of string and had run to it, starting to play around like a cat whilst Kira had stared in shock.

"I had hoped to impress you and make you feel happier about your reptiles." Came a cold almost embarrassed voice from behind and Kira turned to see Ulquirra almost blushing at her. She could not help but grin with delight, and would have tackled him in a hug, had she not suddenly spotted two others. At Ulquirra's hip, flicking their tongues in curiosity was a giant Komodo dragon and a large boa that looked like it was almost thirty-foot long if not more. Joy filled Kira's eyes and she began to cry, making Ulquirra even more embarrassed. But as she rushed forward, he found himself plummeting back into darkness as she embraced the reptiles instead.

"ROCHI! JERFFY! I've missed you so much!"

"You could always keep burglar alarms up everywhere, it might reduce the amount of break-ins you have. After-all, they say bad things come in threes don't they?" Hisagi muttered gently with a shrug of his shoulders as he put a cleaning apron on and began to help out some of his varied Soul Reaper companions in cleaning up the ruined house. Kara's home looked as if someone had come in, got the animals out and then let a bomb blow up inside it. Kara listened to Hisagi with a slight rolling of her eyes but she was not willing to upset him; the break-in had only occurred in the reptile room, the rest of the mess of pulled out fridges and torn up floorboards and mortar was from Kenpachi, Ikkaku, and Yachiru being in the building at the same time trying to catch the criminal and then retrieving a snake.

"Cheers for the advice Shuuhei, but I don't think it would be of much use in the end. I just think this is a sign that I can't stay in this house anymore, too many weird memories for a start! I guess I had better move in with eleventh squad, anyone see my Zanpaktou about the place?" Kara groaned as she stepped on the grinning face of Aizen that had still remained on the window, slightly glad she could remove all traces of them from her house.

"Was the chain always separate and slightly scary looking?" Komamura had joined in and used his keen nose first to identify where all the dirty washing, hidden snacks, cat-toys, and then where her underwear drawer was. But at the discovery or at least one half of the sword or rather, chainsaw, under a pile of shattered wall, he was nervous. He liked Kara and how she would let him walk with her and how she always knew the spot under his chin where he got ticklish. But now, with the fear of getting blamed for her sword's breaking, o fear of seeing her angry, he was not sure which, Komamura was loathing saying anything.

"WHAT!"

"Oh you're such a snugly-wuggly little cutie aren't you? Oh I love you so much! I hope we never get separated again, all thanks to that stupid Aizen! He's such a jerk! But you understand me, don't you? You always knew how to cheer me up!" Kira's voice could be heard sliding from outside the door of the throne room and Aizen's eyes were wide with shock.

Aizen had managed to track Kira down after he had found out that she had placed a scarecrow in her bedroom and he'd been making out with that and not really her. Aizen had been unsure of course why she had been so receptive of him, but now he was angry. She had found her own palace and was she now cheating on him? How could this be?

"First her overwhelming hatred for me and now this? Why does she test my love so?" Aizen whimpered to himself and suddenly he kicked the door open, after screaming in agony and looked at Kira. She was in a very showy corset and looking amazingly sexy, but all Aizen could yell was, "HOW COULD YOU?"

"With great difficulty… I never want to go out with a woman that wears corsets! I can't believe I was the one she asked to help her tighten it! Stupid things!" Grimmjow snorted from nearby as he continued to roll amongst a big pile of twine, well; actually he was badly tangled up in it now.

"Well... It's too neat a bit of damage for Kenpachi to have done this whilst destroying the house, but I'm not worried about it being damaged. I'm more concerned that it's supposed to be like this, Mayuri. I had a dream with it showing me so much that I did not believe, and then my trip to the library revealed it had indeed been telling the truth about the past of the academy, and I was surprised. But now its changed shape from my good-old chainsaw to the chain with a scythe blade on the end and a leather handle as if I were to use it as a whip. Plus it needs to actually touch blood to actually perform the same old, Okoru, that it used to do in order to blow a great big hole in the ground. But if it does touch blood and I say Okoru Necrophagus, it turns the ground into fire and if I say Okoru to any of the other 'heads' it does different things. I'm getting confused!" Kara snorted with annoyance as she looked at her new sword under the intense lights of the squad twelve microscopes. To her surprise, it had taken little more then a quick stroke of Mayuri's nose and flick to his chin to get him to do anything. Kara liked having that power over him, but she did not want to hear what she was hearing.

SMASH! SMASH! SMASH!

"Come out and fight me like a man, or at least a Slug, MAYURI!" Kenpachi was roaring outside as he head-butted the now bolted door into what had once been Kara and Kira's area of the lab. It was not that Kara had done what she had once done to the boys in the squad, she wasn't interested in anyone but Kenpachi any more, but he was a very jealous person. Not only that, but intelligence and the fact that Mayuri also looked like another badger got Kenpachi riled up. Kara was concerned, but only for what her lover might do to poor old diabetic Akon, who was slurping orange juice in the background after having a fainting moment because he had been chased into the lab by the great eleventh squad captain outside.

"No... It looks like this is what it is meant to be Kara. Obviously there's a certain change but its little much more then the kind of change one might see if their sword went into Bankai. I should not worry, it probably means you've got a bit more control of your sword and indeed that your Zanpaktou spirit has awakened to your commands completely. Some of them get a bit stroppy after all." Mayuri grinned happily, though he jumped each time the door was hit.

It did not take long of course for them to pack up, finish talking, settle down to play some cards and then wait. They were busy playing a game with a rude name upon the lab table, looking interested but only slightly so, when Kenpachi's endless head-banging finally made a difference. The wood in the centre of the door began to creak and groan and soon it was obvious Kenpachi was going to break through. Akon reacted the only way he knew how; he leapt into the nearest open cupboard as Kara grabbed her sword and lunged out of the window. Mayuri did not have the time to react as Kenpachi's head burst through the door with a psychotic grin.

"HERE'S KENNY!"

"WAGH!" It was all that the Sereitei knew of the rest of that encounter. That, and Mayuri ending up in Squad Four folded up like an Origami Swan.

"So you're not cheating on me… Your sword's done something weird… You were just trying out some cool outfits you found in a cupboard in this old palace of sand… and the snakes and reptiles are here and trying to attack me because you asked Ulquirra to go and get them for you?" Aizen questioned nervously as he hung upside down from one of the vines that Ulquirra had decorated this ancient throne room in. He turned his head about, looking like a confused sloth whilst trying to keep his hands from being touched by an incredibly slow and bored Jacksons' Chameleon. He would let go of the vine that was hovering a good seven foot from the ground, if only it were not for the fact that, though he had given up his Emperor's Coat-Tails to the monster Komodo Jerff and the other Monitors, the snake Rochi was interested in eating him and trying to untangle itself from the intricate trap that Aizen had made escaping from it so he could not catch him.

"That's it. But I've noticed he forgot my pet Boa, Rapesco (he's named for a Ruler Company you see). But I reckon old Rap's either been playing poker with Kara again or fallen in love with Hozukimaru… again." Kira grinned happily as she stepped off her new throne, wearing a big Gothic black dress mixed with lace that was covered in a lattice negligee of gold and black that draped out like a cape at the end to give her a full Imperial Garment. She paced over to where her Reticulated Python was trying hard to un-knot himself between some of the bamboo it had chased Aizen through. Ulquirra was distracted by the highly venomous Banded Sea Krait, called Craig, which floated in his tank and stared viciously at him through his scarred eye. Apparently Craig had once been owned by a Mafia boss and used for assassinations and one mission had gone a bit bad and the survivor had managed to inflict a bit of damage before he'd been shot… Oddly by the snake, but it had been because the gun trigger had been very sensitive and Craig had slid over it and got himself caught.

"Does he always give the impression that he's planning your murder? I keep imagining he's going to lunge out and talks like the dude that was the Godfather character in those weird movies." The Grand Duke of Emos, which was his granted nickname/ title by Empress Kira, muttered nervously as the paddled tail of the blue and black crate swished gently like it was tapping fingers. He looked toward Kira but she just shrugged her shoulders and undid the knot, pulling Grimmjow and the mesh of twine out from the vicious coils with a gentle heave; though Grimmjow was starting to gasp and gag like a cat with a fur-ball in his throat.

"Can you inform, your little Wildlife Park, that I don't mean any harm and I'm just trying to talk to you? It was an over-reaction my love, I just was so worried that you did not care for me. Plus I keep having some terrible dreams about you…" Aizen fibbed, not wishing to actually say he'd had dreams close to eroticism with Kira in but had been refusing the temptation even when dream-demons had done all the nasty stuff to her for him… The chameleon seemed to sense this and suddenly is sticky tongue shot out and smacked Aizen sharply in the middle of the forehead. Aizen dropped his grip, landed, and Rochi coiled around him grinning. "HELP ME!"

"I suppose so… Rochi, Jerff, Craig, Roger, Kyle, Samantha, Tooth-pick, Daisy, Hermaphralamingo, Zura, Robot, Dan, Katie, Sting, Cassidy, Shadow, Munchkin, Eleanor, and the rest of you… Leave 'em be they're all fine by me. Aizen's not really as bad as aunty Kara used to tell you he was. Understand?" Kira grinned happily at the mob of animals that crawled around her. They nodded gently and Rochi gave a snorting hiss of disdain as he un-coiled from around Aizen and let him throw-up from dizziness in the corner. Kira grinned and chuckled gently, but then she noticed the Bosc Monitor at her feet. He was holding her triple-bladed sword and wagging his little whippy tail with his tongue poking out, giving him a look like a bulldog or something panting at her. The sword was glowing a mix of crimson, green, violet, azure, and gold that twisted and swam over the blades like the glistening oil-like surface of a pearl. Kira bent down to pick it up and smiled happily. "Thank you, Nigel Oscar-Boscington the Fourth."

"What's the Triple-Chicken-Slicer glowing about?" Grimmjow snorted, glossing his enthusiasm with poor nicknames as he recovered his leg from a tangle and was then nudged forward by Jerff to have a look. Curious, as always, Grimmjow sniffed at the blade and blinked somewhat disturbed. "Why does it now actually smell of a chicken and bacon sandwich with peppered mayonnaise that's been warmed up for five minutes…"

Grimmjow froze in thought as a silvery stream of drool slid out of the side of his weird jaw with a dazed look in his eyes. Kira blinked nervously at him and slightly grimaced at the drool, noting this, Jerff shuffled over with a hanky in his jaw and quickly patted at Grimmjow's mouth, to which Grimmjow shook his head and blinked nervously at the great big reptile. But now Kira was looking at her sword and sniffing it. She couldn't smell chicken…. She could smell a Chinese meal at that restaurant she used to love visiting in Australia, even though it was run by a dude who used to catch Sleepy Lizards for scientists. But even Jerff began to sniff it, and at his response, both Aizen and Ulquirra pointed and kept gasping.

"It appears that the blade is transmitting enticing thoughts to all of us to encourage us to pay attention to it. I believe you need to try and communicate with your blade so that you can see what the problem is." Jerff grinned happily in his Komodo nature and flicked out his forked tongue to the edge of the blade, a scarlet flash followed by a threatening hum warned him from getting too close and he curled his dragon lips to show off some nasty teeth. Where Grimmjow and Kira were not fazed, Ulquirra suddenly cried out.

"Why has he got the voice of Antonio Banderas?"

"Hey? OOOOH!" Kira grinned mischievously. "That? Well it was something Kara did to him. A long time ago we were given baby Jerff and told to dissect him to look at the juvenile venom glands they think and have spotted Komodo dragons to have! But I kicked up a fuss and the guy, who was a bad dude anyway, tried to hit me, next thing I know Kara's head-butted him so hard both of them are out cold and Kara's bleeding. So after I gave them both First Aid, the guy was so impressed that we were willing to fight for the youngster that he gave Jerff to us and said that he'd be back for payment and revenge… In Time! But the guy got killed mysteriously from contracting Sleeping Sickness, apparently the guy had been to Tanzania and that's how he'd caught it. But, anyway, Jerff grew up as our Lab guard dog and we together developed a way of communication between human and animal… A voice encoder chip! It was implanted in Jerff's neck folds like a microchip tag you give to pet dogs and that was it. We chose that voice because it was one of the few we could decode very easily… One of our lab assistants had a real thing for Mexican and Spanish men you see. Then after we died Jerff found a portal into the Sereitei and walked straight in then followed our scent and that's it!"

"Why is my kingdom starting to sound like a day in the life of Shrek?" Aizen started mumbling and he rubbed his forehead to try and avoid what he was hearing. When he opened his eyes he suddenly realised that Rochi was pressing against his head. "What about the rest of them?"

"Only I." Jerff spoke amusedly and then he suddenly stretched out with a yawn and slash of his tongue at Ulquirra's frozen body. If Ulquirra had known he would have not needed to lure the great lizard into the portal with a very heavy and smelly rotting goat carcass. But Jerff noted this and chuckled. "Forgive the goat-thing, but it was getting close to feeding time. Don't worry about Rochi, he'll leave you alone as soon as you have a shower and stop smelling of bullfrog; unless that's your natural scent. Now, just so you know, Rapesco is alright and when Ulquirra was trying to put him in the portal, Ikkaku and Kenpachi turned up and suddenly the mating season jitters caught the Boa and he went for the ventilation system. He's fine. But go talk to your sword, it's starting to melt itself for attention!" Jerff snorted as he padded over to the other creatures that were crowding around and made gurgling growls and hisses at them, dragons were basically deaf of course, but the microchip had changed all that!

As Aizen took in a deep breath to relax himself, he noted the vine lowering beside his head, and he froze. He turned his head slightly at the gentle gripping hand, almost reassuring hand, of Roger the Jackson's Chameleon as he crawled onto his shoulder slowly. Aizen stared blankly at the swivelling eyes and then sheepishly grinned at Roger. Roger suddenly flushed a colour of soft pink, blushing perhaps, but then he curled himself up slightly and decided that the neck edge of Aizen's coat would be a good resting place for him now. Kira chuckled then turned to her sword and closed her eyes.

"Ikkaku…. I got Hozukimaru back for you." Kara grinned nervously as she pressed the sword toward Ikkaku, her face smeared with disgust. Ikkaku blinked through the one eye that was not a swollen grape-coloured lump; how had Kara managed to get it off Rapesco so easily? He looked at the sword… Why did it look crusty? He turned to Kara and then she gulped. "You… might wanna leave it… to dry a bit and then us a paint scrapper…."

"So… You finally listened to us?" A harsh being hissed out at her and Kira gulped nervously, what had she done wrong?

Kira's inside world was a very curious one indeed. It was definitely not the nice open plains she had remembered it being. Here the sky was a grassy green colour and the blades of grass sky-blue! The clouds were normal and there was a gentle breeze, she stood on a tall platform of grass that looked out over a dry and harsh desert with small pools of water and mud-holes. There was such a stark contrast between the worlds it was confusing. She turned behind her, there was a great cascading and rumbling waterfall with thick coniferous woodland and yet around her only one great sycamore tree stood. But there was something else, a great big winged wolf was sitting down on the ledge of the cliff, watching her with glittering black eyes.

"What was it you wanted?" Kira gulped again. This was not the world she remembered and something somewhere was trying its best to run away and believe that this new design to her sword was not real at all!

"For you to listen of course! Don't be so rude to Kira-sama, Mono! " The great silver-grey wolf spoke softly and soothingly, stepping toward Kira so that she could see just how massive the wolf was, admire the wings, spot the snake-head tail, and stop focusing on her world so fearfully.

"Sorry San! Sorry Kira-sama!" Mono, the snake head snorted gently and with a gentle hiss did something odd. Kira blinked in surprise as with one great wing of her silver and black coils, Mono was free from the rump of the wolf and slowly slithering past her mistress. Kira blinked in surprise, and then turned back to the silver-grey wolf, San.

"Don't mind her! Mono was just annoyed you weren't coming when she tried to tempt you with the food smell. It was my idea to glow but it didn't have to effect I had initially wanted. Anyway, you're here now, that's what's important." San stuck out her tongue with a typical wolf grin and sat on the ground. Kira was amazed that the sky-blue… grass… seemed so normal to the wolf, she couldn't remember it being like this last time she visited, and San spotted this. "Don't worry! It's your Awakening. We've woken up because its time to train! The issues of the past will be made clearer soon but you have to be ready for your test. So, I want you to concentrate your spiritual pressure right now and go into Bankai with us… So that we can show you just a taster of our powers!"

"I don't think I could do that…"

"I don't think I can do that! Don't be such a pansy and stand up for yourself dummy!"

"Don't call me that kind of stuff you bug-eyed reptilian!"

"If that's the way you feel, then do something about it!" Mono hissed cheekily from the tree behind Kira. Kira turned around sharply and glared at the great big blue and black Python-Cobra thing that hung in the branches above her. Kira spotted the red tipped tail and flicked at it quite hard so that Mono gave a shriek of annoyance, as San rolled her eyes.

"Shut up you two!" The silver and black wings attached to the wolf's back suddenly began to flap about with annoyance and speak with a rather proud manly voice, only it was quite annoyed.

"Oh God…. The wings are talking…" Kira gulped fearfully. The wings suddenly leapt from San's back and became a silver-winged Peregrine Falcon whose eye markings were scarlet not the typical black. He hovered in the air above her, dove at her face, and then landed on one of the great lone sycamore trees that stood beside her, stretching out into the open green sky of her world.

"Sure… I'm Baike the Peregrine spirit and all you think of is the wings because that's where I sleep. Thanks! Just listen to the silver thing I sit on, she's actually got something to say to you that's important." The great bird stretched out his scarlet claws and scratched at her with annoyance. He did not like to be mistaken or ignored, but Kira quickly raised her hand nervously. She had never known this part of her sword before, nor that the trio could separate from one another… Perhaps that was something very important she needed to take into account.

"Sorry!" She muttered nervously.

"Don't worry too much! Just remember, very time you worry or get sad, the sky gets stormy and the wind too rough for us to fly! Plus when you're frightened the ground shakes and we are forced to escape into the air against our will! Just think of this when you want us to show our full powers. Think of a great magenta light within your hands, whether we're broken or not, move your hands into a sort of circle shape and think of where you are and what's around you and put that image into this ball. Then you can cry Bankai and we'll go into Bankai, when we become Harike-no-Sanbaikemono (_Triple Beast of the Hurricane_). You can try it now, but we can go a lot further and one day you can take us up to Kagejinn, but not yet. So test it and pull as much energy into picturing yourself as possible." The great wolf figure grinned happily and suddenly began to glow a strange dark grey almost black shade.

"Okay… I'll try…." Kira smiled happily.

That was it, suddenly there was a great big brilliant light encircling the palace hidden under the sand and then the ground shook. The air above formed a twisting cyclone over the patch of sand and the Vaso Lorde around quickly scuttled away from it. A twister slid down from the coiling clouds and touched the edge of the palace.

In a weird rush of wind, the jungle in the throne room was shaken about and Aizen had to grab the vine as the air began to twist around the spiritual pressure exuding from Kira's frozen form. Jerff chuckled evilly and dug his toe nails into the rock as Roger hooked onto Aizen's shoulder. Aizen looked at Roger and he nodded wisely before suddenly shooting his tongue up to the ceiling followed by a weird blast of red light almost like a Cero, and suddenly Aizen was pulled up to the ceiling by the chameleon.

Craig began to whirl in his pool to make a clear twisting current against that of the whirlwind inside and the other animals hopped into this gap or into their cages. Ulquirra found that Nigel and the other monitors had rounded up to sit leaning on their tails and hind legs with their forelegs groping the air in a perfect circle around him to protect him.

Grimmjow was almost pulled off his feet as the whirlwind got stronger and was pulling more to Kira's form, but luckily Jerff stretched out his tail to catch him and Rochi, who had coiled amongst one of the great pillars of the building, stretched a coil protectively around the young Espada. Then they all felt the shunt in the earth as the red streaks of energy seemed to slide from Kira and sink beneath the floor of the building, what was going to happen now that the palace began to shudder?

"BANKAI!" Kira growled and her eyes turned completely black.


	10. Chapter 10

**Ten: Brief Encounter **

"So that is Kira's spiritual pressure I felt just now. I assumed like everyone else it was just the arrival of the Bounto things into to Sereitei. I'm confused though, Kara, how did Kira get to the level of Bankai? How did she even know of it?" Ukitake questioned as he ducked under the desk in Kara's new home in eleventh squad. Even if there had not been an unexplained earthquake at that moment in Sereitei, he would probably have had to do it no matter what. Eleventh squad had a lot of members running around it and Kenpachi had been very wound up about some random Soul Reaper who'd left because he didn't like how Kenpachi had killed the last captain. Still, a million times over Kara knew she could trust Ukitake with Kira's safety, and she knew she'd have to explain the truth.

"I saw the beginnings of it before in training. Mayuri one day told us a weird technique we could use in battle to observe the enemy whilst fighting them, its sort of stepping out of your body. Unfortunately, both Kira and I found it was the key for our obtaining Bankai, even when we were rank amateurs. For Kira, she was able to change herself into an ethereal figure that stands like a shadow in this dimension, her mind is watching you from another, and through that she can attack you using earth, sky, and fire. She can replicate her form when she asks to Breathe Hard or Gasp, Aegu, and in this other word she stands like a master puppeteer unharmed in this unless her bankai is broken, and that takes a lot. But from what I've felt, she's finally controlled the wind power it summons at the start, we almost killed a couple of squad twelve when we were practicing this, but it's amazing to watch. Unfortunately it also means I can now track the random jitters of spiritual pressure caused by other dimensions. I've just got to ask one of my 'Spirit Guides' to give me a hand. There's no knowing how much more powerful Kira is." Kara snorted with a gently growl. She had her hand to her lip in thought though the other held a shaking cup of tea that was sloshing hot liquid about.

If Kira has reached her full potential, then I can no longer help her. I told her before she could never reach it without loosing something, and now I don't know what's happened. I fear that, for the first time in a long time, her mind has opened to its full extent and she knows everything at last. As they say, the student outdoes the teacher, this could be serious. I'm sure Yamamoto would have picked this pressure up and yet only I can track it. Now I'll have to awaken my own Bankai, but it is not the right time for it. Damn it, why didn't you wait Kira?

"Let me come with you, I will not hurt Kira and I know you do not want to hurt her yourself. If we can at least see what Aizen has done to her, then maybe we can find out how to save her!" Ukitake spoke nervously, his eyes intense as he grabbed Kara's leg and forced her to stare down at him. Though his voice at a tremor in unison with the rumbles of the earth, his eyes were stern and focused, he would not forget his love for Kira.

"Huh, I thought you'd say it but I must warn you I'm not as mild as everyone is under the delusion I am!" Kara snorted with annoyance; being brought out of her thought trail and forced to look at him. She knew he'd be a great ally, but if Kara ever got her way she'd take over this place and no one would ever question her again. "Right, I need you to follow the scent of the Dimension Anomalies, Hibiki Kakukuzu!"

Who is this Goddess I see before me? Surely it cannot be beautiful Kira? Only this being is more awesome then I am if I could even breathe I would bow before her. No spiritual pressure, not even Zaraki's, has ever held my breath from my body or done this much. She's raising the entire Sunken Castle to the surface of Heuco Mundo! Is this her Bankai?

"Don't get distracted, Aizen-creature! Keep a tight hold of Roger and try to keep as much air in your lungs as possible. The same to you Grand Duke of Emos, if you are not used to such a thing or protected she will suffocate you by stopping the movement of your lungs and rib cage, just like a constricting snake!" Jerff barked loudly at them, fighting to keep his claws embedded in the floor as even he was finding it hard to keep his tongue in his jaws. Beside him, Grimmjow and Rochi and ducked down to the ground to avoid the great sparks of spiritual pressure, unharmed by the sucking of the air, but more afraid of the way the ground burnt their skin to touch it.

"How much longer can she keep this pressure up? Last time it was gone after ten seconds and now it's been almost an hour. If she keeps releasing, she'll bring the roof down upon her! Can't anything make her stop?" Grimmjow snarled as he resorted to going into Release just to have stronger claws to grip the earth and not burn himself so much. Rochi made a hissing sound in response but was silenced with a gulp as one of his coils was pulled off the beam it had rested upon and smacked him in the face.

"She can hold it as long as her own body can take it now. Don't you see she's awakened? We'll be lucky if she stops when the castle is fully restored. Just try and make sure Rochi doesn't get sucked into that vortex, it leads into the dimension where the Reapers commune with their swords and where Kira will kill any that invade and the rest of us. We've got to keep as close to the ground or roof as we can." Jerff roared as a piece of palm broke off and narrowly missed crashing into his back, spiralling down the cyclone of swirling black and burning crimson spiritual pressure that spiralled into a grey loop in the air, forming a vortex like the hot and cold fronts of wind meeting over the ocean that causes hurricanes. Jerff hoped it would stop soon, he was amazed to see his mistress so powerful, but he was very afraid she might even kill herself with this pressure.

Already they could see her form upon the top of the vortex, standing with arms pulled in to hold a ball of magenta spiritual pressure that whipped out green lights toward anything that was fired out of the twister and flung to close to her. Kira was an angel above them with her brilliant light from her spiritual pressure and she was standing upon the three blades of her sword, one blade with her feet neatly balancing and two forming a stand that stretched underneath it with their curved tips pointing up toward her as if she balanced on an upside down set of scales. Her clothes had changed. Kira was wearing a great white dress like the jackets of the Espada with the dark lining, but this hung loosely over her, sliding down to unveil when breast, which was thankfully covered by what appeared to be an aqua blue, tight, dress that bound to her body and stretched down to her knees. The rest of the white coat-dress was slashed to show off her long legs and a pair of great heeled white boots that could have been made of the bones the Arrancar had upon themselves, and her hair of blonde and pink streaks fluttered in the whirlpool of air as if leaves in a gentle breeze.

She was beautiful.

"Hold on for goodness' sake Jushiro! If you fall out here the cleaner will kill you and I didn't bring a hell butterfly because otherwise Old Man Genocide might have followed us!" Kara grumbled as she grabbed hold of Ukitake's captain cloak to jerk him back to her side. She could not understand polite men in survival situations, it was so annoying! Their life depended on just sitting behind her and holding onto her so they would not get thrown off or killed by the poisons their ride omitted, but Ukitake was barely able to breathe because of his refusal. Obediently he leant to Kara and grabbed on of her loose folds of clothing near her back, that would be more polite then grabbing one of her hips! If Zaraki had any idea of this he'd probably kill Ukitake! But now Ukitake was concerned with their mount, rather then the great train that rushed through the Divide between the worlds of the Sereitei after them.

Kara had explained of course that Necrophagus was not the only part of her Zanpaktou, and this had confused Ukitake. The sword was now a whip-like instrument with a great knot of chain at the end that would exude some kind of spiritual based blade that turned the ground to larva if it touched blood and she said the right combination, a bit like one of the commands you could use in link with the Bankai to create a devastating attack, something like one of the codes they had been taught in the academy but mixed in with Kara's own powers. But Ukitake had not known that the basic of her Bankai was to allow the body of the giant hell-hound to form, but, depending on the command given depended on what head emerged to control the body and what part of the Bankai worked. It was almost as if she had three swords in one, and Kakakuzu was a strange one indeed.

Kakakuzu, "to lack waste", was the right head of the three and formed the great loops of black metal within the whip whilst another head formed the bladed edges that caused the cuts and the main damage, and the third that controlled it all under Kara's instruction. But to be honest, Kakakuzu looked like a monstrous Hollow rather then a soul reaper's weapon. The dog was black with had that was a skull with great beaming green eyes and when he spoke it was without moving his mouth and it was deep and guttural. It sounded like he covered his mouth with a mask, but either way, the beast had a tail of bony spikes that looked like the joints of the whip and worked to cut their way into other dimensions if they needed to escape or needed more strength to heal. Plus, Kakakuzu was gluttonous and greedy, feeding off spiritual particles given off by enemies when dying and like a Hollow eating the soul of the enemies; and this, "Echo" technique as Kara called it, was used to track down Kira, but Ukitake had not imagined this.

"Why are we running through the Divide anyway?" He barked as he was jolted against Kara's shoulder with a thud. Kakakuzu was running like a greyhound and Ukitake was feeling sick. He had not mentioned the fact that seeing Kara with a red wolf's head as a helmet and a pair of reins made of snakes, not to mention a saddle made of one of the other heads' body, made him very nervous indeed. He wasn't sure if Kara was even a Soul Reaper with this kind of twisted ability, but he would not say anything.

"Because Kira enters a different Dimension to control her Bankai and we're going to have to enter it. From there I can raid her mind for the location of a gateway into Heuco Mundo and we can escape quickly. With you here I have a distraction for her and Kakakuzu will deal with Sanbaikemono. But you see we're going to enter a world where we'll be attacked straight away, so just be ready. The Divide opens up into all sorts of Dimensions, it's like the overall binding that connects the universe, like hat gives the Strings their shape in String Theory, you know?" Kara called back as Kakakuzu's tongue slid out and he gave a howling sound of excitement. They were about to break in!

"Kira? Is that really you?"

"Ukitake? How did you get here? This is a place only I'm supposed to be?" Kira's eyes were watering and she felt nothing but joy as she stood upon the white clouds of her world and looked at the great figure that was Captain Jushiro Ukitake. How had he got there? Was this just a trick of her mind? Who knew, but she was so happy to see him.

Jushiro looked a little confused, how had he suddenly plummeted onto a cloud on his own? All he could remember was Kara jumping off as the doorway had opened and leaping into some weird great tree, and then Kakakuzu grabbing him and throwing him onto the cloud for safety as a great winged wolf had appeared to attack them. How had he landed beside Kira?

"I'm so happy!" Kira ran to him, grabbing him in her arms and feeling that it was all real, as did Ukitake as he held her in return and let out a gentle sigh. Had this been what Kara meant by distracting her? He did not know, but for a moment he was holding Kira in his arms and he was happy and she was happy!

"Out of the way San! I'll rip that bird out of your shoulder blades if you go near the tree!" Kakakuzu growled threateningly at the great silver-grey wolf as Kara hang from the tree with a great crystal in her hands, wrestling with a great snake that was trying to strangle her. This was not going well.

"Give it up Kakakuzu! You're not getting out of here alive!" San growled angrily as she grabbed at the skull of Kakakuzu's face. The bone tail swung around at her and flicked her wings, hard. San crashed to the ground, she got up and yet was suddenly pinned down as Kakakuzu crashed onto her. He pulled himself with a wobble and then turned to San. The grey she-wolf growled with annoyance as she turned to see him not bleeding or missing his skull, her own shoulder was torn from his initial defence at her lunge, but it was not going to stay that way. Kakakuzu grinned his skull-grin and a tongue emerged from his mouth to lap at his maw, but suddenly the tongue was a snake and shot out at the ground. Three snakes lunged out at San and she was forced to back up toward the cliff edge because they spat and hissed at her; spitting cobras only they spat some kind of fiery acid instead of normal venom!

"I bet, don't keep counting your chickens before they've hatched, Venom-Brain!" The bird called from San's back and he launched into the air, San loosing her wings. The peregrine circled above, and Kakakuzu turned toward him, awaiting an attack from above but when the bird dived, it dived onto one of the snakes and San was upon Kakakuzu. She had pinned him down and was biting at his black fur, ripping great chunks off as he did the same to the white fur on her chest.

"Get off me, you great Puff Adder!" Kara growled as she pulled at the snake coils around her neck, she'd dropped the crystal back into the hollow crook of the tree and what had once been a python-cobra thing had returned to its very true form of a great big Eyelash Pit Viper. Mono was lucky, he was so adept at camouflage that he could change his whole body from the shadow elements he controlled and in his true form he was much more dangerous, with rough scales that cut at Kara's flesh where a constrictor's muscles would have had to do the hard work. Kara was having a good deal of trouble.

"I'll have you know I'm a Pit Viper, I'm not blind or fat in case you hadn't noticed!" Mono hissed as he wrapped around her whole body and let his scales rip at her like sandpaper as she winced, her hands covering her neck just enough to stop him cutting into her jugular or windpipe. This annoyed Mono and he loosened a coil slightly to see if she would make a mistake and move her hands to swipe at him, but perhaps Kara was too smart for this as she just spat at him.

"Just get off of me! I mean it!" She growled, and released one hand slightly. Mono had been waiting for this moment and quickly threw his coil around her, ready to take full control and squeeze the rest of her breathe out and slash her neck. He could not care for the freedom this loose hand had, he was eager to get the job done and let Kira release one hundred percent!

"What you going to do?" The snake hissed at Kara's weak, half-hearted response, but he should have been careful. Kara had known she was probably going to be jumped by something and she had snuck something into her trouser pocket for such a moment. It was a very convenient tazer!

"THIS!" She growled and jabbed the two metal prongs under the scales of the snake. This spooked him into releasing his coils to check he had not been greatly hurt and Kara fell onto her back. She dropped the tazer but that didn't matter, she took a folded metal object from her pocket and flicked it so a metal blade popped out, Mono was a little nervous of this. Then Kara licked the blade for a little blood and chuckled. "Tosatsu Makairyouken, Okoru Necrophagus!"

"YEOUCH!" Mono screeched in agony as the two other dogs emerged and the explosion from the sword set the branch on fire. Without hesitation the smooth-haired, Pit-bull built, Makairyouken lunged upward and caught Mono's tail, pulling at him as the snake tried hard to keep hold of a crumbling branch. Swiftly, Kara got up and paced over the snake's head, narrowly avoiding getting bitten on the ankle by the poisonous creature.

Kara gripped the orb and stared into it, rushing about in her mind and through Kira's for the answer. As she did so, Mono dropped himself upon the head of Makai and the dog gave a shriek of annoyance. Then from Makai's mouth another big cobra emerged. This one was bigger then Mono, it was Akumahebi, and she lunged out to bite in return. But Mono quickly shifted with his powers of shadow and became invisible. As Makai's teeth and Hebi's went toward the same point, they tried to swerve their attack but Hebi ended up biting Makai's nose so he threw her aside. Then he spotted Mono going back for the tree and he lunged after him with a large bark of annoyance.

"Hurry up KARA!" Hebi cried as she lunged back to Makai to sit as his tail. Meanwhile, Necrophagus was rushing to aid his younger brother and Baike tour down at him from the sky. Necrophagus paused, grinning with amusement, and Baike suddenly tried to pull up as a stream of smoke was spat at him and he could not see. The bird screeched in agony and irritation and the burning sensation around his eyes, trying hard to pull up and not crash. The great golden wolf beast then ran at where Kakakuzu was having his ear shredded with one of San's paws trying to force its way through the back of his mouth as Kakakuzu gagged. The red head of the great body of the sword lowered and he rammed San clean off his brother. He nearly ripped Kakakuzu's ears off, but instead he let his brother get up and go for the bird that had crashed. With his tongue lolling eagerly, Necrophagus turned on San, who was now getting back up and smirking at him.

"I've been looking forward to a fight with you. I wonder if they made a mistake when they made your name Death-eater." San teased amusedly as she growled and paced back and forth in front of the big male. To be truthful, she actually had a slight crush upon him and Kakakuzu as well, but she couldn't let Necrophagus know it. Instead she watched as he lipped at his great teeth as his curled his lips up, a threat he would bite her head off, and then with a snarl they lunged at each other.

"Got it! It's in… ELEVENTH SQUAD?" Kara snorted with confusion. Her mind had been filled with many images that made her want to vomit and ones that worried her too, and she could see exactly what was going on and where Ukitake and Kira were talking together, she would now have to rescue him.

"Good…" Kakakuzu had thrown Baike into a pool of water and Mono had rushed to go get him out and join with him. Makai had leapt onto his big brother and become part of him, Kakakuzu's black and skull head and chest sitting on a smooth-haired white rump. He nosed at Kara so that she would sit upon him and takes up the reins, then he turned toward where Necrophagus was still fighting, if not in a rather flirty and tormenting way as he grabbed at San's tail though she tore into his shoulder. "We'll get Ukitake and then Necrophagus will leap out of this world with us."

"Oh Ukitake!" Kira swooned as she was held tightly in his arms and he resisted the urge to cough up the blood that was pooling once more in his lungs. They were both very happy indeed.

"Oh Kira!" Ukitake smiled gently as he pressed her even closer to him and slower let his hands stroke her shoulders. He had never seen her look as quiet and nervous as she did so now, and he had distracted her too. Kira had been looking deeply into a pink orb that had been the outside world around her; he had and could even now see the devastation of her powers in that orb as he looked over her shoulders. There was so much destruction he was a little afraid of her; this was not the Kira Megami he had known before.

"I've waited so long to kiss you, but you must hate me for what I've done! I'm so sorry! I was tricked into going, they were so much nicer to me then anyone in Sereitei was and they weren't listening to Kara all the time. They were very kind and did not hurt me or anything, but they could never be as important to me as you are!" Kira smiled happily as she pressed into his chest, so he could deftly cough over her shoulder. Ukitake watched with surprise as the small splotch of blood he had spat onto the cloud sank straight through. It was probably the first note he'd ever made of the battle below as he heard what sounded like Kara yelling at him. But now he concentrated on Kira, pleased her eyes were so dewy and damp from being around him alone.

"Never! Anyone to think they could hate you for being kidnapped are fools. Kara explained it all! She's such a good friend to you!" Ukitake's words seemed slightly harsh but he held Kira tightly at the shoulders, jerking her to look him in the eyes as he spoke. Kira smiled sweetly, sweeter then was possible without Jushiro feeling slightly dazed by it. They were happy, there was only happiness between them, but at the mention of Kara, Kira snorted.

"Enough about Kara… Tell me what you think of my world…" She batted at the air near Ukitake's head to try and discourage his speak of her friend. This was her world after-all, a land where she was in charge and anything she wanted would and could happen! Right now, all she wanted was praise and comfort from Jushiro Ukitake, a man that somehow always made her feel so happy and calm. After-all, he'd dared such terrible odds to come and visit her today, and he believed her innocence!

"It's… It's a little weird… But then again so are we both!" Ukitake looked around, it really was an odd place, but he did not want to upset her. Indeed he could not upset her, those eyes were just so pretty, and she felt so warm and comfortable in his arms, soft and tender. She was perfect, and he would do anything to help her and make her feel better. "Did you know, I think you're Perfect no matter what?"

"You'd do anything for me, wouldn't you Jushiro, I can see it in your face…" Kira's eyes softened, almost to a point of tears, and Ukitake felt to only a tightening in his chest, but also a tightening elsewhere that would be too inappropriate to mention. He was unsure why, but he almost thought that Kira did not believe him. So, the only way to prove she was perfect was to answer her truthfully.

"I'd do anything for you, yes. For no one could ever love you as much as I…" He spoke softly, gently, as they leaned toward each other with their lips moistening for the kiss they had been waiting for. They were only an inch for each other; one more reach would let their pouting pinkies touch one another for the ultimate bliss of their perfect world. But….

"No time for that Uki! We've got to go!" Kara Thalion was suddenly on the cloud beside them, sitting on the great big monstrous form of Kakakuzu, who was panting heavily and bleeding from the shoulder. Down below was the scrabbling sounds of claws on tree as Necrophagus lunged up the bark to jump up and join them before they left. Kara leaned in and grabbed Ukitake's shoulder. Kira screeched in surprise.

"KARA!" She screamed again as Ukitake was lifted bodily onto the back of the seat despite his writhing. Kira looked at the beast of burden with outrage and then she heard the sounds below. What had just been going on? Was… Was Ukitake there because Kara has told him so?

"NO! Wait! Wait Kara I haven't finished!" Ukitake tried to wriggle off of the dog but somehow the reins were tangled around him. Kara growled at him with outrage as he tried but was suddenly pleased to see Necrophagus joining them. But then she turned back to look at Kira before checking Ukitake again.

"We'll visit her before Hell breaks Loose don't worry! Just get here!" She growled with outrage as he managed to slip out of one of the loops. As she physically tied him up, Kira suddenly snapped back into reality and grabbed Kara's wrist. Her hands were harsh and she dug her nails in to get attention. At this, Kara turned to her, eyes sharp and intense as both almost snarled at each other. To Kira, Kara was just ruining something perfect, to Kara; it was something she had to do.

"Kara, what are you doing here? How'd you get here?"

"By remembering what and who you are! Something you've started to forget with your Bankai! Now stop this before Yamamoto sends me here again and this time to kill you!" With that said, Kara swung her arm, Kira instinctively leapt back in preparation to have a brief scuffle, but upon her release, Kakakuzu was in the air jumping for the gap. Kira's fists tightened till they turned white and her teeth began to grind against each other, suddenly her own sword's form was in the air after them… Too late… They'd made it through.

"KARA! KARA! KARA YOU BITCH!" Kira screeched as her world closed up and both Kara and Ukitake were free to roam the Between. In the meantime, Kira awoke from her stupor and once more screamed out her rage, even though she'd managed to raise the sunken castle onto new foundations and given Aizen a new hair cut.


	11. Chapter 11

**Eleven: Empress of Evil, Queen of Swords**

Kira's eyes had spied something curious in the fridge this morning. Something she hoped would remove her nagging hatred for the events of the other day. Having emasculated Aizen and lost the one chance of actually kissing Ukitake she might ever have, Kira was hoping to find some comfort food. Ulquirra had been cooking something that smelt greasy and sugary earlier in the day… DOUGHNUTS! Kira had found them, but something about the way they looked worried her. She knew very well that the Arrancar, Espada especially, were unfortunate cannibals to other hollows and that these particular doughnuts were grey and silver where they were made with souls of humans and hollows, and then filled with jam or had icing on top. One with sprinkles really attracted Kira's attention, but this was dangerous. She was starving for them, but to eat them could be certain death or Hollow-fication…

"Mmmm… Sacrilicious Doughnuts!"

"BLEUARGH! I feel horrible! I'm going to cut your PENIS OFF! ARGH! I HATE YOU ALL!" Kara raised her head enough from the toilet to scream at them all, and they were slightly unnerved. Eleventh squad had been awoken by the sudden cry of panic from their own captain in order for them to fetch Lady Unohana, it had been desperate sounding and Retsu had rushed to the scene straight in her underwear. But when she had arrived, Unohana had looked unhappy to see that Kara was being quite violently sick and that Kenpachi was fully clothed, despite it being midnight. Kara was throwing up quite heavily, and as her period was late, she was worried she might be pregnant. If she was pregnant the world would end. To her surprise, even Byakuya had appeared if only to complain at the noise and now he was even more worried about what was going on.

"If she is indeed pregnant…. Then this is a very sad day for soul-society and I fear for us all… How will we be sure, Lady Unohana?" Byakuya questioned in his Seaweed Ambassador pyjamas as Yachiru tried to steal the hair-noodles from him. Unohana was just staring happily at a vial of yellow liquid she had wrestled to get from Kara. As for Kenpachi, the prospect of becoming a father had caused him to faint on top of Ikkaku and Mayuri had now arrived to add his contribution.

"It will be an intriguing specimen to be sure. If it does not destroy the world with brute strength, it might with intelligence. I'm curious to examine it at birth." Of course, Mayuri made Byakuya cringe and from the bathroom came Kara's own assumptions on the situation.

"I'm not having a BABY! I can't look after them! It'll be born a Hollow and eat my face off! I don't want a kid! I'm still trying to figure out where I am in life! OH! I hate men! Why can't my period turn up and yell at everyone else!" Kara screeched as she managed to pull her head up from the bowel of the bathroom toilet and turn her fearsome eyes toward the others. She did not need this kind of situation just now, especially when she had to find out a way to awaken her own Bankai and get Kira out of Hueco Mundo. Obviously Ukitake was the key, but after the incident he had just refused to talk to Kara and instead sent her baskets of Daffodils to say he was sorry for being mean and not talking to her, but that he could not forgive her for using him and upsetting Kira so badly.

"But when you have a heavy period you complain that you haven't been impregnated?" Yumichika added quite cheerfully as he leant over to help keep Kara's hair back. However, his comment earned him a very hard head-butt and he was down for the count!

"Kira! Did you just eat a Soul Doughnut?" Aizen stammered nervously as Kira began to glow a curiously terrifying hue of blue. Around her was a light that seemed divine and yet horrific, as if the very darkness had formed a body to attack them all. It was scary, and Aizen had noted how all the Espada, save Grimmjow, had willingly begun to bow before her.

"Maybe…" Kira mused with a cruel grin.

"Someone explain to me why she isn't dead from it?" Gin muttered from the floor where he was kissing Kira's shoes. Aizen just glared at him with annoyance.

"Magic!" One of the Fraccion muttered as he appeared from the fridge with more soul doughnuts for Kira to gorge upon. She was grinning happily; things in Hueco Mundo couldn't get any better for her now! She was getting proper respect, proper treatment, and now apparently had confirmed her position as a goddess. Aizen though was thoroughly annoyed; he was the attention-seeker who took them all there to begin with. So he dared to do the impossible, after fighting off snarling faces and jabbing fingers, Aizen stole one of the doughnuts for himself and took a bite. Within seconds he turned purple and was vomiting in agony on the floor. Kira looked upon him pitifully.

Kira stepped over toward Aizen's shrivelling form as he tried to huddle up to avoid the terrible abdominal pain; he looked with tear-filled eyes at his approaching goddess. Kira leant down to his side, stroked the strange little quiff of hair that slid down Aizen's face and gave him a more dashing look (in his opinion anyway) and smiled. Then she lent down, kissed his cheek, and then slammed her fists into his belly. With a gagging sound, Aizen suddenly coughed up the piece of doughnut and his face turned red as he began to get air back into his system. There was an awed silence as Kira sat down beside Aizen and patted his head slowly. Then there was a sudden eruption of praise and joy from the crowd and they scooped Kira up again, carrying her away to have a special Rave.

But something odd had happened in that moment when Kira has seen how pathetic Aizen really was. She had found herself thinking of him almost as needy as Ukitake was, but no, he was not Ukitake at all. But Aizen gave her something else, attention and love and everything she ever wanted or asked for. She had accepted the offer to join the Hueco Mundo band as queen, but what had done it? Had it been the power? NO! Now she thought over it, blushing gently at the cheeks, she was in love with Aizen! If only Kara was there, she'd eat whatever had been put in front of her as part of a long made bet. But then again, if Kara where there then it would be much more chaotic then simple praise.

"I've got the strangest urge to eat my hat..." Kara muttered with annoyance as she tried to untangle herself from the restraining bed in eleventh squad. She looked at the squad, they were waiting on her beck and call for anything she had to say. Suddenly, they took one of her "Indiana Jones'" hats from the shelf in the room and began to put some chilli powder onto it. Kara blinked at them, somewhat in horror, what were they up to now?

"It's just your pregnancy cravings!" Kenpachi assured her, beaming with his strangely warm smile.

"I told you! I'm not pregnant!"

"I feel like having a picnic today, my followers! Let us have a picnic today out by the Larva trees! It's going to be so much fun for us!" Kira yelled with excitement as she began to make some sandwiches with Wonderwice at her side. The strange, and possibly confused, Wonderwice was quite excited by the notion of going out with a pretty table-cloth and lots of tasty food. In fact he was currently trying to help make the cookies by forming irregular circles that resembled cow pats and adding chocolate chips and hazelnuts into painful smiles and sneers.

"Ooooh! What a perfect chance to make my famous chicken and ice cream sandwiches!" Gin suddenly haloed from the recesses of the fridge where Kira had been keeping the food for the reptiles. As he did so, he emerged with a few frozen chickens and some ice cream and started preparing sandwiches. At this, most of the Arrancar and Espada looked a little repulsed, but Jerff was licking his lips.

Meanwhile, Aizen was trying hard to remove Rodger the chameleon from his shoulder, apparently Yammy viewed the chameleon as Aizen because it was still wearing glasses. This confusion had fallen on Nnoitora, the gold-fish, and a couple of the low ranking Arrancar. He was looking at the delicious picnic that Kira was preparing with delight, and then he thought of something and shuddered. The Larva trees were tall Eucalyptus types by the sea of cracked earth and larva pits that sometimes spewed larva from their branch tips in a sound like a wet fart. This could prove fatal... Tousen would definitely have to come.

"Ur... Are we gonna die there, Aizen-sama?" Yammy questioned nervously to the chameleon. As the real Aizen rolled his eyes, Rodger stretched out one of his long hands and patted Yammy gently on the head with a curious blink and flash of blue on his scales, a sort of comforting blue. At this Yammy gave a cheerful smile and almost blushed. "Thank you Aizen-sama! I'm glad we won't die! And yes, I am remembering to wash behind my ears carefully! And that Giant Chicken is still in the closet."

"Giant chicken in the closet? God damn it Yammy, I'M AIZEN-SAMA! Not this flipping lizard!" Aizen snorted, and then suddenly got a tongue in the eye as Rodger told him off. Yammy just snorted and ignored what the real Aizen said, but Kira was happily giggling in the background.

"We've got to think up some way to communicate with her that doesn't seem so aggressive. I found where the entrance was, so we just need to get to her before Aizen does. She responded to your affections, Ukitake, so I think you're the one that can get her to listen. We'll have to get her alone with us and find out what's going on and whether this is going to affect us... Incidentally, why are you joining this secret meeting of the Kira Gets Back organisation, Kenpachi?" Kara blinked gently as she looked at the crowd around her, most of them squad three and four members with Ukitake, Soi Fonn, Unohana, and Hisagi around... Not to mention Kenpachi and nearly all of eleventh squad.

"The KGB? Why's that so familiar? Not much of a secret organisation really is it? There's half the Sereitei here..." Yumichika snorted gently as he continued to try and change Ukitake's hair style to make him seem a little more attractive.

"NO! I will not have us being associated with that bunch of Russian Terrorists! And don't bother trying to tell me I'm wrong Soi Fonn, I knew a couple and quite frankly they love to twist what they know and work even now, worse then the Nazi S.S. ever were... You can talk to some of the people I used to work with to find that out!" Kara snorted as Soi Fonn raised a hand and Ikkaku obediently punched Yumichika in the shoulder as punishment. The girly man made a whine and a cringy sound in upset but Kara ignored him. "And we were secret till SQUAD ELEVEN TURNED UP!"

There was a look of fear upon the faces of the squad members, they had not meant to upset their most important and _pregnant_ member. But at her shouting, it was Kenpachi who decided to tell her off rather then his squad or even Ukitake, who was still panicking about his task in the corner. Kenpachi leant over and shook his finger in front of Kara's face, she stared weirdly at him with confusion, until he patted her belly.

"Don't upset the baby!" Kenpachi growled angrily and almost pressed his face into Kara's. It was at first amazingly intimidating and Kara leant backwards to avoid him. But with a sudden spring action of her neck, she smashed her skull against his. Kenpachi collapsed backwards with both his nose and a patch of his thick forehead bleeding. His eyes were wide open, like his mouth, and yet he seemed only mildly shocked. In delight the eleventh squad stood up and cheered Kara as the new Captain for successfully beating Kenpachi Zaraki without even using a weapon. But this served only to infuriate her more.

"For the Last time, I'M NOT PREGNANT YOU ASS..."

"Holes! There are holes everywhere around here! It's so exciting!"

"Gin... What is your obsession with holes? They aren't of any use to anything!" Aizen snorted in annoyance as he once more put a large chunk of metal in front of his face to prevent the Larva tree catching him in the eye. Gin just turned with his creepy smile.

"Only if you don't know how to use them!" Gin giggled like a little child and Aizen shuddered with horror. Suddenly behind them came the sound of screaming as Tousen was hit in the eye by one of the little larva splats.

"My Eyes! The tree has blinded me!" Tousen called, but none present were willing to mention the obvious correction. Tousen was already blind, so the trees couldn't really do anything more to him, although jets of steam poured from his glasses and he rolled on the floor in visible agony. In the meantime, Gin suddenly pulled a giant selection of sausages from his picnic basket and added his contribution to the very large rectangular blue-flowered sheet. Aizen rolled his eyes; Gin was a bi-sexual, no doubt.

Kira watched him in confusion as she noted that Aizen had only brought a selection of teas and cupcakes with him, which was basically nothing when everyone had contributed enough items that everyone would eat, or had not just gone to a Real World Supermarket with Tousen to get them. Even Tousen had brought a tin of white paint, which he had assumed to actually be a can of varying nuts. Grimmjow had been exceptionally good and brought along a few cakes he'd made, some biscuits he'd helped Il Forte make, and some meaty bites, made of Hollow and chicken, he'd spiced with the assistance of Shaw Long. Grimmjow took after his mother; if it didn't have chilli on it, then it wasn't spicy!

"Where can I put my Éclairs?" Nnoitora snorted, and he had been the biggest surprise of all. No one would have thought the chauvinist to have such a fond interest in cake and cream, yet by all accounts he had spent the greater part of the previous night baking his cream-pastries to perfection. Of course, Halibel and Kira were a little sceptical of the cream filling, but Halibel's had been a little more menacing. The great beauty had decided to make chocolate-spread sandwiches, using chocolate Body spread, but then used the best Belgian chocolate she could steal from some place called Tesco and used that to make a really delicious looking bunch of cookies. Of course, crowning achievement of the cookie patch was Wonderwice's unique and crooked looking cookie faces, which were apparently a real hit to Syzael when his own selection of GM (Grown on Menos trees) fruits were not incredibly popular.

"Sit them by the sorbet and ice cream that Stark brought… Steve, lower the parasol a little so we get shadow over them. Ah… Isn't this wonderful?" Kira beamed in delight on a deck chair that the Menos Grande had willingly setup for her, to assist in keeping her refreshed, Wonderwice was making Lemonade and adding lemon sorbet to keep it cool, and Yammy and Ulquirra were obediently fanning her with great big Ostrich-like feathers apparently from the Hueco Mundo Roc bird. She was incredibly comfortable although the Emo King looked to be a few minutes from fainting.

Grimmjow quickly flicked up a sausage roll in the air, it was burnt to cinders by a Larva spew. He groaned and then grinned mischievously as Gin opened up some cocktail wieners. Taking one of the lines of kebab skewers, which Aizen was getting ready to prepare for barbequing, along with his "Kiss the Chef" apron, Grimmjow pierced several vegetables and meaty item he was eager to roast. Then he lifted the skewer very carefully as another spew flew so close it roasted the air around it and toasted one side of the skewer. Grinning, Grimmjow turned it around to await a third spew before tucking into his skewer although Aizen was obviously slightly annoyed by his lazy cooking tactics.

"Damn straight! This is the best picnic ever!" Grimmjow grinned, and suddenly Stark raised a cocktail glass of Vodka with some M&M's floating within, a slight salute to the statement before Stark yawned and tried to snuggle back into his large bean-bag.

"AYE! Or whatever YES is!" The mass within the secret hideout called in delight to the words of their fellows. The sudden increase in members, since Kara's apparent defeat of Kenpachi and 11th Squad take-over, had meant a need to switch head-quarters. So, by convincing Byakuya Kuchiki that she needed to try and teach diplomatic tactics to 11th Squad, and that Byakuya was not permitted to attend on account of his superiority upsetting the learning process, Kara had wrangled up one of the large lecture theatres in the Academy to use. Those going past were often terrified by the roars of Yay or Nay as the eleventh squad learnt, and it was working surprisingly well thus far.

"The Floor Votes Yes, we must begin arrangements for the immediate concealment of the 11th Squad Window into Hueco Mundo." Ukitake spoke with more dominance then normal, it seemed his charismatic nature had really shone through diplomatic, uh… "Council"… meetings with the Kira Get-Back group. He was obviously quite eager for Kira Megami's safe return and the addition of so many supporters meant that the Sereitei would be on their side. But he knew there would be an issue if Kira was returned and Yamamoto decided to go for an execution game.

"The Council has voted amongst itself to leave the concealment to Kenpachi Zaraki and Mayuri Kurotsuji. We expect it to still be accessible from the other side, so no big boulders. Within the next three days, I alone will venture through the portal and make contact with the other side. Is this accepted by the council and by the floor?" Kara snorted gently. She'd really gotten into the role of Grand President and even had the gabble ready to adjourn the meeting. There were some frantic whisperings, they were all a little nervous of what to say. But soon they grudgingly accepted that the Queen of Eleventh Squad was allowed to go through on her own. "The Meeting is adjourned till next week."

Evening was falling on the lava fields, and though the sky was black in Hueco Mundo, the golden glory of the molten magma gave a weirdly romantic light to the world, even though it was oppressively hot. Kira stood on the edge of the picnic, which was being packed away, staring out at the beauty of it all. Something was primal about this part of the Hollow World, and yet so much more powerful then she could ever have thought. For some reason too, the Larva Trees had closed their buds up for the darkness, and she had been informed that the lake apparently freezes over at night, something unique geologically speaking.

"Enjoying the beauty, my Queen?" Ulquirra's voice sounded at her side, she turned to look at him with a gentle smile upon her face. She had not realised it, but Kira had been twirling her hand through her hair in thought. Something was radiant about her that evening, Ulquirra could see it, and his eyes were strangely intense. Kira was not sure how to respond at first, but the cry in the background, soon jogged her out of her sleeping world.

"I was just admiring the way the light of the magma really stands out against Gin's naked body… What the…" Kira's eyes found themselves horrifically hypnotised by the streaking form of Gin as he darted past them. It would have been more horrific, had not a good third of his body been alight. Apparently he had been attempting to test his hole theory.

"Right… I was going to ask, if I could escort you back home? If it's alright with you, My Lady." Ulquirra stammered nervously, there was an intent glow in his green eyes. But Kira just brush her hand in the air nonchalantly.

"I'm afraid Aizen already asked, but don't worry Ulqui…" Kira's lips were suddenly in a tight embrace and her body was held fast by cold yet friendly hands. She was unsure what was happening, but was sure Ulquirra had just kissed her. As he released her and she tried to come up with an argument to say, he turned away nervously.

"I'm sorry…" Ulquirra muttered fearfully as Kira's lips finally parted, as if savouring the taste. Suddenly he turned rushing back, away from her. As Kira came out of her daze she was sure she had seen a blush upon his cheek.

For a moment Kira was left standing there, stunned and shocked as she did not understand what had just taken place. But then she just shook her head and turned back to the sky. There was obviously something romantic in the air, and some part of her was fully accepting to this thought. With a sigh, she almost collapsed onto the ground to day-dream, but quickly reminded herself it was covered in ash.

"Kira! Kira! We put out the fire!" Syzael and Il Forte called out gently. They marched toward their queen, dragging a steaming and half-charred Gin behind them. A cloud of ash followed and covered up the drag lines, there was a blanket around Gin too, yet all he could do was murmur in agony. Il Forte looked up at Kira with his big sheep eyes and fluttered his eyelashes happily awaiting approval. Syzael just dropped the body with a groan, annoyed that everyone else had already left.

"Wonderful…" Gin murmured for no reason. The trio stared down at him, concern filling their faces alongside disgust. But Gin was soon unconscious and the trio shrugged their shoulders. Kira patted Il Forte's head and then sighed as she dusted the char off her hands. Syzael then bent down to prepare to carry Gin some more, only then Il Forte got playful.

"First one home's the true genius!" Il Forte bellowed and then galloped away.

"Wait? WHAT! Il Forte! Il Forte get back here!" Syzael hollered and then began dragging Gin behind him in an attempt to catch up.

Kira chuckled gently to herself, they could all be so childish and yet she admired them. Something about Il Forte was so cute, Syzael was just so much fun to annoy by countering his genius, and Nnoitora was such a chauvinist just walking and dancing in a pair of women's boxers annoyed him. Although Kira made a mental note to herself never to do that again, as Aizen had almost died from haemorrhaging and Gin had been chasing her around yelling that he wasn't wearing underwear and they should swap. Gin was kinda cute too, in his own insane way, and Aizen? There was something enigmatic and yet so pathetic about Aizen when he was around her! The kind of thing she had seen before with Kenpachi around Kara; the fact that someone so feared would suddenly seem utterly defenceless and vulnerable around the one person they truly believed in.

"Do I ever want to return home?" Kira grinned menacingly toward the pale beam at the edge of the horizon where the sun was still present. She sighed with relief, almost laughing at the thought of returning home to the fools that had not trusted her… Thinking of how her new and mighty powers would be regarded as troublesome and they'd probably make her wear something like Kenpachi's eye patch. But then her mind started to draw a face in the melting air that haze above the larva. As if witnessing a mirage she could see the gentle face of Ukitake forming and something in her heart was ripped aside.

"Our kingdom is truly glorious!" Aizen smiled gently and pressed a soft hand to Kira's shoulder, she jumped in surprise, turning to look at him. Something was amazingly masculine and controlling in his eyes, and also hungry. It was a look like on a hyena, and Kira was slightly afraid of it. But then Aizen's gaze turned away from the glory of the day and straight into hers. They melted and a warm smile came upon his face, one he almost blushed with. "I hope you still want me to walk home with you."

"Of course, you already asked and I wouldn't forget. But I have a question for you…" Kira looked a little nervously toward him, his hand crept upward and began to stroke her hair strands. It was soothing and she felt strangely comforted, and strangely safe. All fear of what she wanted and would do in her life forgotten and fallen by the way side. "Did you mean what you said before? That I would be your queen? It wasn't just a lie to get me here and for you to bed me? Only the bed bit wouldn't have worked."

Aizen seemed to pause for a moment in thought, but then an enigmatic smile formed on his face and he gave a half-hearted chuckle. He gently removed his hands from her hair, tutting as he shook his head gently. His eyes never left hers and Kira suddenly felt ashamed for even asking. Then, gently but firmly as if he wanted to make sure she understood him, Aizen clasped her hands in his own and leant in to look at her. Their noses were inches from touching and Aizen had to fight n urge to just rub them in an "Eskimo Kiss".

"You were always my queen." With that, he gently raised Kira's clasping hand to his lips. With a touch so soft and as delicate as a kiss from a butterfly's wing beat, Aizen kissed her hand. Immediately, Kira's face flushed red and she felt herself swooning from the shock of his gentility. This was a weird moment for her, and she found herself so overwhelmed she suddenly grasped Aizen around the neck, wrapping herself around him, his arms engulfing her with relish. She suddenly forgot about where her mind had been and they locked lips in a passionate embrace that lasted a mere second but something inside Kira screeched out in sorrow.

"Well done… A curtain is a remarkable tool for the job." Kara stood in front of the set of curtains that hung in the middle of the air. Part of her wanted to scream, but now was not the time. She was on a mission to bring back Kira or rather hopefully not die trying. As she moved the curtain aside, she was suddenly grabbed gently by big-eyed Ukitake, who looked terrified.

"So… The baby was just an allergy?" Ukitake muttered as the mob crowded around her. Yachiru had stopped swinging from the curtain and now everyone tried to hide it out from any view and Ikkaku lifted it up slightly.

"Yes…" Kara growled at Ukitake in annoyance. Why did everyone think she was pregnant? It was not like this when she had been pregnant with Grimmjow after all!

"You sure you want to go in on your own?" Kenpachi almost whined pitifully like a struck dog. His lower lip was wobbling and Kara could have sworn his hair spikes had lowered. She patted his cheek then rolled her eyes.

"Yes!"

"Did you remember a change of clothes in case you need to disguise yourself?" Soi Fonn then barked.

"What?"

"Did you remember to make sure no one saw you coming over here?" Mayuri suddenly darted about from side to side, staring accusingly at Soi Fonn. That was it, Kara was annoyed now.

"I haven't left the squad for anyone to see me! Damn it you lot! I'll be fine!" With that, Kara snorted her annoyance and marched straight through to the other side, clutching her zanpaktou carefully. The sensation was weird, but not unique and Kara was soon standing in an old dumping ground. With a shrug of her shoulders she began to pace calmly about, keeping her eyes and ears open in case. After a few yards, the sounds of clanging metal kept meeting her ears, but each check revealed nothing. After reaching the edge of the dumping ground, she felt a strangely threatening sensation and knew she was being watched. Slowly, Kara turned around and then quickly dove out of the way to hide behind a pile of scrap. "Okay…. I'm not fine now."


End file.
